“I Will Speak That I May be Refreshed.”
By Laura C. Hutchins
BRO. WHITE: The past four years to me have been freighted with a repetition of those hopes, fears, trials, and blessings, which are the common lot of those who strive for the heavenly prize. The language of my heart still is, with the Psalmist, “Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” The scoffer's jeer, the scornful look, averted eye, and sidelong glance, or the cold shoulder, may not penetrate and roll the deep waters of my soul. When was it not the lot of God's people to be misrepresented by foes, misunderstood by friends, while conduct and motives are misconstrued by the ignorant, the prejudiced, and designing? In numerous ways my Christian fidelity and happiness have been assailed, but I count them “light afflictions,” and would say, “Nearer my God to thee,
E'en though it be a cross
That raiseth me.” My chief care is that censure be not deserved. I expect the opposition of the adversary. With Rutherford I prefer “a roaring Devil to a quiet one.” I find I am more upon my guard, better prepared to meet him when he comes with open throat and terror, than when his approach is with seductive wile. I am resolved, though faint, to keep on pursuing. I am not always free from errors and mistakes; and I can truly say that when I discover these I am deeply pained. I desire to humble my soul and confess every sin in this day of atonement. Earth looks small and worthless to me. “What the glittering smiles of earth?
What the transient joys of mirth?
Bubbles bursting at their birth,—
Useless through eternity.” Circumstances preclude my often meeting with those of “like precious faith.” Mothers who have a like experience, will perceive the difficulty with which, when wearied with the labors of the week, and the care of a large family, I walk a mile upon the Sabbath to attend meeting. Very little rest do I receive, and sometimes it takes weeks for me to recover from the weariness amid the labors which seldom permit leisure. Sometimes upon returning, having left my little ones with a hireling, I have been admonished that the Lord will have mercy, and that “charity begins at home.” I have felt a desire to say so to those who have felt to censure me. “Surely the heart knoweth its own bitterness.” Let us have fervent love in our hearts, and it will lead us to permit those whom we suspect of wrong to explain their conduct. To the lonely ones I wish to say, God has placed us in just the best place for us. If we are not his faithful servants there, and cannot say, “Thy will be done,” and still struggle to overcome, let me ask, What are we good for? My heart has been deeply pained to hear of those who have turned back, and its language is, To whom, dear Saviour shall I go,
If I depart from thee? Surely when one member suffers, all suffer with it. I have sometimes waited anxiously to hear of the prosperity of Zion; how painful to hear of the affliction of her watchmen; doubly so when they become unfaithful. My prayer is that God will in mercy raise up the afflicted messengers. I will not neglect to express gratitude that in pursuing the path of duty, I have been blessed, and opposition which I have been called to meet, has subsided. I ask the prayers of God's people for my beloved family, that prejudice may break away, and truth seen and obeyed, be our bond of union and our hope. Your sister in hope of a blessed immortality.
LAURA C. HUTCHINS.
Ganges, Mich.