Reaching the Child Heart by Virginia Terhune Van de Water

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Sep 23, 1915

Reaching the Child Heart

By Virginia Terhune Van de Water

So much is said and written nowadays on the training of the young that it seems almost presumptuous for any one to attempt to add to the mass of advice to parents,—to the suggestions as to how and when one should punish, if at all; to the counsel as to the various modes of restraining the child, of making an obedient creature of him, or allowing him to ‘exercise his own individuality.’

It is, of course, useless to attempt to make any one rule fit every case. In one family the first child needed stern discipline, while the second was hardened by the very process that had succeeded admirably with her sister. To study the character of the little one, and to decide what course to pursue in each case, is the by-no-means-easy task laid out for parents.

One little girl had a violent temper, which punishments of various kinds failed to subdue or control. The loving mother prayed about it, thought about it, asked advice of her family, cooperated with her husband in his efforts to find a way to teach the little one that she must not fly into a rage, and kick and scream. Then, when almost discouraged, the mother hit upon the happy idea of taking the advice of the child herself.

The mother called the little one’s attention to the fact that she, the child, was very truthful, and that therefore the mother would not be blamed for producing a deceitful woman. She praised other good qualities, such as neatness and prompt obedience. Lastly, she reminded her gently that there was one thing in which she, as a mother, had failed, and that was in teaching her little girl self-control. She warned her listener that this temper would grow with her growth until at last it would become her master, not her servant.

“And now,” the wise parent said, “I am going to ask you to help me get the best of this fault. When you were a baby, you were not wise enough to help me in this work that God has given us to do. But now he wants you and me to see just how good a child we can make of you, just what we can do with that temper of yours. Will you help me, darling?”

The small girl promised, and kept the promise. This compact was a little secret between the two. Of course there were times when anger would get the best of good resolutions, but a loving reminder from the mother would abate the storm of passion. The scream would cease suddenly as the words, “Please help me, darling!” were spoken. And in a few years the victory was won; not that the temper was banished, but it was controlled.

The same plan proved successful in the case of a child who found it difficult to tell the truth. Punishment of various kinds availed nothing. At last one day, when he was detected in a falsehood, his mother did not even scold him. He looked at her surprised.

“Aren’t you going to punish me?” he asked.

“No, dear,” she said, sadly. “You are old enough now to know that I cannot conquer this evil without your help. When you were little, the blame for your naughtiness rested with me. Now you have sense enough to know that a lie is a sin, and that it is a sin that injures your own soul. All the punishment in the world won’t break you of the habit of untruthfulness unless you are willing to help God and me in our aim to make a good, honorable man of you.”

“I will help God and you, mother,” the boy declared.

Of course such a plan as has been suggested must be considered confidential between mother and child while the little one is young. The knowledge that the parent has trusted him enough to confide to him the secret of the great work intrusted to her impresses the child, and brings out all that is best in him.

One cannot expect any sudden change in the development of the normal boy or girl, and one must not despise the days of small beginnings, nor be discouraged at many “lapses from grace.” But if the desire is present to assist in the lofty purpose of forming a noble, self-controlled, honorable man or woman, the child will do its share in a way that will make the mother thank God and take courage.—Virginia Terhune Van de Water.