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Marrying Unbelievers

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Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D. C. · Jul 2, 1914

FromReview and Herald, Vol. 91, No. 27.

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Marrying Unbelievers

By F. M. W.

A SISTER inquires if it is right for Seventh-day Adventists to marry unbelievers, and if Seventh-day Adventist ministers should give their support to such unions by officiating at the weddings. This is a question which has concerned the church in every age, and one which demands candid consideration. To Israel of old the Lord gave specific instructions as to the relationship which his people should sustain to the nations around them. It was said of them: “The people shall dwell alone, and shall not be reckoned among the nations.” Those relationships which had an influence to turn them away from God and his worship were prohibited. Regarding intermarriage with unbelievers the Lord gave them the following instructions:—
“Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” Deut. 7: 1-4.
Nor was this instruction modified in later years. Of the nations which remained in Palestine after the division of the land among the twelve tribes, the Lord declared through Joshua:—
“Take good heed therefore unto yourselves, that ye love the Lord your God. Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you: know for a certainty that the Lord your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the Lord your God hath given you.” Joshua 23: 11-13.
Whenever in later years this plain, definite instruction relating to marriage with unbelievers was violated, there followed the dire results of which Israel was warned. The example of Solomon affords a notable instance. Contrary to the Lord’s instructions, he took wives from the surrounding nations, and these wives turned his heart away from God. 1 Kings 11: 1-10. In the days of Ezra leaders in the church passed through a similar experience, and brought upon themselves and the church of God the displeasure of Heaven. Ezra 9: 1, 2.
The apostle Paul in his instruction to the Christian believers in Corinth clearly showed the inconsistency and incompatibility of such unions between the children of God and the children of the world. He says:—
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God: as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.” 2 Cor. 6: 14-18.
This instruction and these principles apply with equal force to the men and women engaged in this movement. For the most part we are not surrounded by heathen. Among our neighbors may be found many noble men and women, Christian people who are serving God according to their best knowledge. But while admitting this, we must recognize that their religious faith, their aims and purposes in the world, are widely separated from those possessed by this people. We believe in the soon coming of Christ, and that a special preparation is necessary in view of that event; they do not believe this. We observe the seventh day as the Sabbath of the Lord; they observe another day. The great vital issues affecting humanity, the outlook for the future of the world, the significance of present-day events, all appear to them from a different focus than they appear to us. To them God has sent us with his great saving message,—a message designed to bring out from the world, from the great churches of Christendom, a people prepared for his coming. We cannot give this warning by joining affinity with our neighbors, by entering upon their plane of thought and living, by entering into alliances and unions with them, and lowering the standard to meet their ideals. Like Israel of old, we must dwell alone, and not be reckoned among the nations.
Regarding our relationship to the world around us in the matter of intermarriage, the servant of the Lord has spoken plainly to this people, and in exact harmony with the directions of Holy Writ. In “Testimonies for the Church,” Vol. IV, pages 504-506, we read:—
I have been shown the cases of some who profess to believe the truth, who have made a great mistake by marrying unbelievers. The hope was cherished by them that the unbelieving party would embrace the truth; but after his object is gained, he is farther from the truth than before. And then begin the subtle workings, the continued efforts, of the enemy to draw away the believing one from the faith. . . .
It is a dangerous thing to form a worldly alliance. Satan well knows that the hour that witnesses the marriage of many young men and women closes the history of their religious experience and usefulness. They are lost to Christ. They may for a time make an effort to live a Christian life; but all their strivings are made against a steady influence in the opposite direction. Once it was a privilege and joy to them to speak of their faith and hope; but they become unwilling to mention the subject, knowing that the one with whom they have linked their destiny takes no interest in it. As the result, faith in the precious truth dies out of the heart, and Satan insidiously weaves about them a web of skepticism. . . .
The believing one reasons that in his new relation he must concede somewhat to the companion of his choice. Social, worldly amusements are patronized. At first there is great reluctance of feeling in doing this, but the interest in the truth becomes less and less, and faith is exchanged for doubt and unbelief. No one would have suspected that the once firm, conscientious believer and devoted follower of Christ could ever become the doubting, vacillating person that he now is. O, the change wrought by that unwise marriage!
What ought every Christian to do when brought into the trying position which tests the soundness of religious principle? With a firmness worthy of imitation, he should say frankly, “I am a conscientious Christian. I believe the seventh day of the week to be the Sabbath of the Bible. Our faith and principles are such that they lead in opposite directions. We cannot be happy together, for if I follow on to gain a more perfect knowledge of the will of God, I shall become more and more unlike the world, and assimilated to the likeness of Christ. If you continue to see no loveliness in Christ, no attractions in the truth, you will love the world, which I cannot love, while I shall love the things of God, which you cannot love. Spiritual things are spiritually discerned. Without spiritual discernment you will be unable to see the claims of God upon me, or to realize my obligations to the Master whom I serve; therefore you will feel that I neglect you for religious duties. You will not be happy; you will be jealous on account of the affections which I give to God; and I shall be alone in my religious belief. When your views shall change, when your heart shall respond to the claims of God, and you shall learn to love my Saviour, then our relationship may be renewed.”
In referring to this plain instruction we would not add to any burden of regret or sorrow which may oppress the heart of those who have entered into unwise marriages and now see their mistake. Let these seek God for grace and wisdom to enable them to prove a savor of life to their unconverted companions. Do not seek for release from the union. By so doing, you will only complicate the situation. Take hold of God by faith, and believe that even as he helped Israel of old in their desert wanderings, so he will help you. God never leads us into mistakes, but he will lead us in the mistakes. He will lead us while we are experiencing the bitter fruit of choosing our own way, and is able to make even the bitter abound unto our highest good. By Christian deportment toward your companion, by meekness and gentleness, illustrate in your life the power of the gospel of Christ. But let no influence, either of love or of fear, lead you to depart from God or to compromise the holy principles of his Word. With this consecration it is your privilege to ask God in faith to work for the salvation of your household.
It should not be difficult for a minister of the gospel to determine his duty with respect to giving his influence to marriages against which such plain witness has been borne in the Bible and in the Testimonies. Shall the ministers of Christ be parties to the consummation of unions which the Word of the Lord condemns? This is a question for each minister to determine for himself, but let him determine it in view of the definite instruction which has been given regarding this question. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder;” and what God has directed should not be joined together, let not man seek to unite.
F. M. W.