Social Meetings by Ellet Joseph Waggoner

Seventh-day Adventist Missionary Society · Oakland, California · Jun 1, 1882

Social Meetings.

By Ellet Joseph Waggoner

It is often the case that a word or phrase is used in a conventional sense, without any attention being paid to its strict meaning. Indeed, the most difficult words to define accurately are those which we use most frequently in our ordinary conversation. It is well, sometimes, to stop and consider whether the name given to a certain thing really describes that thing. If it does not, one of two things should be done: either select a name that will accurately specify the object, or else reform the thing itself.

The term "social meeting" belongs to this much-abused class. Let us analyze it. No child needs to consult Webster to know that "meeting" means "a coming together," and although the derivation of social from socius, "a companion," may not be universally known, everybody knows, in a general way, what it means. To be social is to be companionable; to have the qualities that will make one agreeable; "ready or disposed to mix in friendly converse." Putting this and that together, we come to the conclusion that a "social meeting," in the strict sense of the term, is where people come together as congenial companions, for the purpose of holding friendly conversation; in all cases with the object of mutual improvement, but in the sense commonly used, for the purpose of religious intercourse.

If this be the case, why may not the religious social meeting be tried by the same rules by which we would measure social gatherings in every-day life? It goes without saying, that while perfect freedom and absence of restraint should be enjoyed, there must be a certain degree of form and ceremony, in order to maintain harmony. Every individual is bound to regard the comfort of his neighbor, even if he himself be somewhat inconvenienced thereby. Certainly no one can reasonably dispute that the following rules are indispensable conditions:—

1. Be prompt. If you have an engagement to meet a company of friends at a certain hour, you do them a grievous wrong if you keep them waiting. Besides, you may be the loser yourself, for your friends may not wait your tardy movements. If an earthly ruler should grant you an interview, that you might make application for something greatly desired, you would not think of keeping him waiting. In your eagerness you would be ahead of time. In the social meeting you have an appointment to meet, not your friends, merely, but the King of kings. He has pledged his word to be there, and not only to hear your request, but to grant it. Is it not treating him with disrespect if you are late? Suppose he should take your tardiness as a token of indifference, and should not wait to receive you. What a loss it would be to you. Your own interest, as well as your duty to your companions and to God, demands that you should be on time. Then do not fail.

2. Do not be afraid of each other. What would you think of a friend whom you had invited to your house if, on entering, he should drop down in a chair nearest the door, or should skulk into the farthest corner? You would think he had done something he was ashamed of; at any rate, you would not call him a companionable friend. But how often do we see just this very thing in the so-called "social" meeting. A few individuals scattered about a large room, more like sentinels on duty than like friends met for social converse. Brother A. comes in, and nervously drops into a seat about half way up the aisle. Perhaps he is tired out, and can get no farther, perhaps he is afraid the leader will call on him to offer prayer. Sister B. comes quietly in, and meekly sits down two or three seats back of Brother A. It would not look well for her to put herself ahead of him. It is very difficult for any one but the deacons and one or two "pillars" to get past this obstruction. The meeting can scarcely be called a meeting, for all seem inclined to get as far away from each other as possible, and especially to get away from the leader. This is not a "social meeting." Why, the very essence of sociability is in close companionship. If you wish to converse with your friend, you come close to him. It may be that the reason why, at meeting, the people sit so far apart, is that they don't want to say anything. It is uncomfortable to sit up in front where people can see you and wonder why you don't say something. This may not be the reason, but if you sit back, some one is sure to think so, and your reputation will suffer. So sit near together and be sociable.

3. Have something to say. Of course; how could you be sociable if you did not? And the observance of the preceding rule will make the observance of this one a necessity, for no one but a confirmed misanthrope can sit in the midst of a company engaged in eager, earnest, elevating conversation, and not be moved to say a word. To be able to listen quietly to others is a valuable acquirement, but do not listen all the time. If all did so, who would talk. Each individual must do something toward making the meeting social, but,

4. Do not monopolize the conversation. If a company are assembled, and one individual does all the talking, that is a lecture or a sermon; but all must have something to say, if there is any sociality. But all cannot speak if one or two take all the time. In ordinary company an individual who talks all the time is considered an egotist. It is not considered courteous to do so, nor is it. It is no more so in the religious social meeting. Is it not true that the social meeting is for all? Do not all have an equal right to share in its privileges? Yes, certainly. Then he who occupies more than his rightful share is robbing others. It is not only discourteous, but absolutely wrong, for, indeed, every lack of courtesy is a sin. Don't talk so long that others wish you would stop. If you do, you have done incalculable damage. But it does not seem long to you; you really could not say what you want to say, in less time. Then stop before you are through. If you really feel what you do say, the people can readily imagine what you would have said if you had spoken longer. Say what you have to say, in few words, right to the point, and,

5. Speak loud enough to be heard. A person who speaks so indistinctly that no one can tell what he says, would not add to the sociability of a meeting any more than one who said nothing at all. You may have a good confession to make, or an encouraging word to offer—a thought that is really a gem—but if nobody heard it but yourself, you might as well have simply thought it silently. Paul's advice concerning speaking in unknown tongues, is applicable to those who speak with an inaudible tongue. Speak so as to be heard, "Else when thou shalt bless with the Spirit, how shall he that occupieth the room of the unlearned say Amen at thy giving of thanks, seeing he understandeth not what thou sayest?"

6. Keep in harmony with the spirit of the meeting. Study propriety. Don't fly off on a tangent, and speak about something entirely foreign to the subject of the meeting. What you say may be true enough, and very good in its place; but remember that "to everything there is a season." If some friends were earnestly conversing on an important subject, and one should suddenly branch off on a subject entirely foreign to the matter under consideration, what would be the result? The conversation would be brought to a close at once. It would look as though he was tired of their talk, and wanted it to stop; as though he wanted to direct the conversation to suit himself. In some cases it would be called impudence. It certainly could be nothing else than uncivil. Well, the same thing done in religious meeting has the same effect. After this has been done, although there may be a few feeble attempts to revive the interest, the meeting is dead. However such conduct may be considered in ordinary conversation, there can be no greater sin against the welfare of a meeting. It may arise from thoughtlessness, but it betrays a lack of appreciation of what is being said, an absence of sympathy with the spirit of the meeting, that is almost, if not quite, criminal. I never see a person branch off in this way in the midst of a meeting, without thinking that he has been not listening to what has been said. Don't do it. Better by far say nothing at all. In a word, strive, as well in social meeting as in daily life, to obey the injunction of the apostle: "Be ye all of one mind, . . . be courteous." E. J. W.