The Timid Child

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Dec 9, 1915

RUTH is nine years old. She has always dreaded to be away from either father or mother, especially in the evening. Her parents think she is finicky, and not really afraid. They frequently leave her, although she protests vigorously, and is in tears when they go, even when other people are in the house. If she hears her mother say at noon that she must attend a meeting in the evening, Ruth begins to worry, and keeps asking all afternoon whether mother must go, whether daddy will stay home, how long mother will be gone, and so on.

The mother asks whether this is not simply a “notion” on Ruth’s part. “Why,” she inquires, “should the child be so timid? She has never been frightened in the house, and I always leave somebody with her when I must be away.” The mother is not sympathetic. She gives the little girl no comfort when she asks how long she will be out; whether there is likelihood of her being delayed, and so on. The mother replies: “I cannot tell you when I shall be back. You can go to sleep. I cannot tell just when we shall get home; it is foolish of you to ask.”

Ruth is a sensitive child. Yet she is well developed for her age. She can run like a deer, and ride a bicycle as well as a boy. She is exceedingly happy except when she fears being left alone.

Is this timidity a mere “notion”? It is not, in her case. She has exhibited it since she was a babe in arms. She is fearless in everything else. Her fear has persisted only in respect to this one thing of being left alone. The reason she has not outgrown this may be because her parents have left her a good deal, and have sought to remedy her fear by making her stay alone, by criticizing her timidity, and in general by trying to discipline her out of her “notion.”

Now, fear cannot be stamped out by criticism or punishment. Harsh treatment only deepens the emotion until it may become fixed or morbid. The oftener one is made afraid, the more easily he will become afraid.

Ruth’s parents treat fear as they would obstinacy. They try to control it by punishment. But obstinacy and fear are diametrically opposite mental states. Obstinacy is to some extent under the control of the will. When one discovers that the results of obstinacy are unfortunate for himself, he will take another tack. It is just the reverse with fear. Let a child suffer from terror for five or six years whenever he is alone, and the chances are that he will suffer from this cause more and more as he grows older. Every one should know that the oftener a child is made angry, the more readily he will fly into a passion, just as the oftener a freshet flows over a given course, the deeper the course will become, and the more easily the water will flow along it.

How can timidity be eradicated? First of all, by building up the general health. People who are in fine physical condition are less likely to be dominated by fear than people who are not. Fear is an expression of lack of confidence. The timid person is always more or less dependent. Fortunately, Ruth has been much out of doors, and has had a good physical life, or her timidity would have told heavily on her before this.

A timid child must not be allowed to anticipate danger. When he says to his mother at noon, “You are not going out tonight, are you?” the mother must give him an assurance at once that all will be well. Even if the mother knows she is going out, she should be ready with some plan which will give the child confidence and allay his dread. If she is irritated by the child’s question, and impatient of his unreasonable attitude, she only aggravates the evil. This is actually what has happened in Ruth’s case, and is one cause for her morbid dread that she will be left alone.

Many cases of mental strain and stress in maturity are due to the fears of earlier years. Children who are habitually frightened may apparently overcome it, but if anything happens in maturity to weaken the vitality, the childhood dread may take possession of the individual. The nervous system tends to retain impressions, especially if made by fear.

These impressions may be forgotten, but they are likely to persist, and to complicate the individual’s mental life and be a handicap.

The chief aim in dealing with fears is to get the child’s confidence, and keep him from worrying about whatever he dreads. If he is afraid in the dark, he must, if possible, have agreeable experiences in the dark. He cannot be cured of his fear of the dark by keeping him

away from it altogether, or by never venturing out in it; but at the same time he never can overcome this fear by being made afraid in the dark, or by being compelled to go to bed every night alone in a dark room.

No childish experience demands greater sympathy than this of fear. No need requires greater resourcefulness in parents or teachers than this. The child will lose his fears just in the measure that he is made to see agreeable associations in objects that instinctively arouse his terror.—Prof. M. V. O’Shea, in The Mother’s Magazine.