The Husband and Father as a Companion by Mrs. M. C. Du Bois

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · May 9, 1907

The Husband and Father as a Companion

By Mrs. M. C. Du Bois

To be happily mated is truly a blessed state; but, alas, how much uncongeniality is seen in married life! A man may be called a good man by those outside his own home. He may also be a “good provider,” but as a companion for wife or child, we may find him sadly wanting in sociability, not at all companionable to her who is to walk life’s journey with him.

The word “companion” suggests a nearness to and for each other that is frequently overlooked. How often a merry-hearted, social, loving girl weds a man to find him cold, glum, unsocial, having no idea of the heart-wants of the one he calls wife! Having provided for her temporal needs, he feels that his duty is done. But as the divinely appointed head of the family, he has social duties which he ought not to ignore.

Let me put before the reader a pen picture from real life: A bright, social, sunny woman marries a man to all appearance as cheerful and social as herself; but she soon finds that she was sadly mistaken. The husband turns out to be a very different man from the wooer. The prize won, he appears in his real nature,—a cold, silent, unsocial man, who will sit for hours absorbed in book or paper, without a word to wife or child. But a neighbor calls, and what a change! He is now all smiles and pleasant words; for he is really a fine conversationalist when he feels it worth while to be agreeable; but with his own family he feels no responsibility to be entertaining. Is it any wonder that the wife is lonely, and that the children wish that they might have company all the while, papa is so pleasant!

Every father ought to find a little time each day to spend with his children, interesting himself in their studies, their amusements, their work. It will not hurt him, whatever his position, to romp and play with the little ones for a few minutes. Have a kiss, a smile, a pleasant word for the children as you pass out to the business or labor of the day.

One of the bright pictures of my early childhood is an evening scene, the open-mouthed fireplace sending out light and warmth, while our father played blind man’s buff with us children. How we would dodge, here, there, anywhere to keep out of his reach! What fun, and how we did enjoy it! Sometimes mother would join in the game, and then was our happiness complete. But when father said, “All now be quiet,” we obeyed without any words; for we knew father meant it, and we were willing to obey him. And when our bedtime came, we were ready, and went to sleep with happy hearts.

Some fathers seem to think any degree of sociability on their part with their children will lessen their power to enforce obedience. I do not think so. A child will obey through fear, but obedience which comes from love and true respect is much better.

There ought to be perfect confidence between father and child, especially between the father and his boy. Boys as a general thing seem afraid of father, and if they have a request to make of him they proffer it through their mother; and too often this is true in the case of the daughter. The children ought never to be afraid of their father. They should have confidence to approach him with love, and not in a spirit of fear.

When this confidence is lacking, it is certain evidence to the father of a serious lack in his treatment of his children. A father should study the disposition of his child; but many a father can tell the fine points of the yearling colt in his pasture much better than he can tell the leading characteristics in the disposition of his ten-year-old boy. Strange, isn’t it? By not being companionable with their children and taking an interest in them, fathers let them drift away from the home moorings, out upon the street, into evil company and sin, and never seem to realize that they have anything to do in the matter.

O fathers, awake to a sense of the responsibility resting upon you! If you have been in the habit of leaving wife and children alone evening after evening, when you could be with them, do so no more. Try to make the evenings at home pleasant. Interest your family, if possible, in entertaining lines of study; sing with them; pray with them; yes, and now and then devote an evening to some innocent amusement; join with them; be one with them. Provide suitable books and periodicals for your family; read with them. Be not so engrossed in business or pleasure that you have no time left to devote to wife and little ones. Make home happy.

With these words from the pen of Mrs. E. G. White, I close this article:—

“There is no danger of belittling the mind by giving due attention to the little things of life. It is of great importance to give attention to acts of politeness. There should be no neglect of speaking soft, peaceable, and encouraging words in the family circle. The habits of the home life stamp an impression upon the character; and if they are after a Christ-like order, they will lead those who possess them to speak words that will be like fragrance, and ascend as precious incense to the throne of God. Where this is not the case, the presence of the angels is not felt in the home.”

—Mrs. M. C. Du Bois.