Decision, and Lack of It
By Della Thompson Lutes
One of the most deplorable traits of character that any person can possibly possess, and one that brings annoyance and exceeding discomfort upon both himself and everybody with whom he has any dealings, is a lack of decision, the inability to give a decided, definite answer. No man can ever make a success in business life and not be able to make decisions. To decide quickly and definitely, to weigh carefully but swiftly, to trust one's own judgment and act upon it, are qualities which are absolutely necessary for success in business life. Equally true is this of success in the home life. Most unsatisfactory and discordant is that home where the woman at the head of it is of indecisive, wavering, vacillating character. Ask her what she is going to do to-day, and she replies, “O, I don't know. I haven't decided yet.” Ask her if she will go for a drive at three o'clock and she says, “O, I don't know. I couldn't tell till after dinner.” Ask her what train she is going to take for a proposed visit, and she will tell you she does not know—yet. Perhaps she will get the eleven thirty, and perhaps the two ten. Possibly not till five eight. Pleasant experience for the friend she is going to visit, isn't it? But we have all had that kind of guest. “I'll get the eleven thirty if I can get around,” she writes, “but if not, I'll come on the two ten. If I miss that, I'll come at seven forty sure.” We've driven to three trains in one day, got two special meals for her, and had her put off coming until the next day! Ask her to come over and spend the evening. “I'm sure I can't tell,” she will say, at ten o'clock in the morning. “I don't know for sure just what I'll do. If I can come, I'll be there by quarter past eight; if I'm not there by that time, don't wait for me.” We stay at home and wait for her until too late to make any other arrangements, and she does not come after all. Children are annoyed to the point of irritation, and exasperated to anger by the indecision of their mothers. “Mother, may I go over to Jennie Brown's this afternoon? She wants me.”
“O, I don't know. Don't begin at eight o'clock in the morning to ask me what you can do in the afternoon.”
“But, mother, I want to know. I want to tell Jennie. She's waiting.”
“Tell her I'll see when afternoon comes.”
“But, mother—” the child begins to whimper, already excited and anxious.
“Now, don't begin to cry. If you cry, you'll not go anyway.”
“Well, mother, may I go if I'm good? I'll be good if I may go.”
“Be good anyway, and stop teasing. Perhaps you may go, and perhaps you may not. Maybe I'll go over to Aunt Lucy's, and if I do, you'll go with me.”
“But I don't want to go to Aunt Lucy's, mother. I want to go to Jennie's. She's got a new doll buggy. Can't I go to Jennie's anyway?”
“I tell you I don't know. Now you stop teasing and run away, or I'll say, ‘No, you can't.’” Fearful lest her mother's vacillating mind should take a sudden negative decision, the child turns away, depressed, perhaps sullen, unable to make her own decision, and with the example of a most deplorable habit before her. Women who are making housekeeping, home-making, and motherhood their profession have great need of being able to make decisions quickly and with decision. A woman should know when she gets up in the morning just what she is going to do that day, and whether she is going to have any leisure or not. If she is, she ought to be able to decide just how she wants to use it. If she is going on a visit, she ought to make up her mind in the very beginning what train she is going on, and how long she is going to stay, the latter, of course, subject to the convenience of her hosts. She should give this information to the friends she is to visit, and then stick to it. It is far easier to work if one is working toward a definite point. If there is any doubt about being able to accept an invitation for an evening, it would be better to refuse, and give your friends the privilege of arranging their affairs otherwise, than to keep them in a state of expectancy. If a child asks a question, give him a definite answer if possible; and don't say “no” when you can say “yes.” When you go into a store to buy something, have your mind made up what you want, ask for it, and decide upon it one way or another. Don't stand around, fingering things and asking the clerk if he thinks they will wash well. Ten to one he does not know, and anyway it is his business to sell, not to advise. A pretty safe rule is, if you are in doubt as to whether you want a thing, do not buy. Of course, if you wish to spend two or three hours just looking about the shop to see what they have, there is no particular harm in it so long as you do not make the clerks pull down a lot of things, and then do not buy. I have seen women go to every store in town to buy something, and then go back to the first store, and buy the first article they looked at. It isn't wise if you're buying a hat or a suit or some other thing that you need to be particular about, to walk into a store and buy the first thing you are shown. But it is wise to know what you want before you go; what color and what style and how much you mean to pay; then tell the clerk what you want, and waste no time looking at lavender when you want gray. Women do waste so much time. And time is such a precious possession. Look ahead! No matter whether you are twenty or forty, the years are not enough in which to do all the things you want to do. Think of all the books to read, pictures to look at, music to learn, lands to see, people to know that are worth knowing. Make up your mind definitely and quickly over each thing as it comes along, get it out of the way, and tackle something else. Don't waste time going over and over the same ground. Be dependable. You yourself know persons of whom you say, “Well, I'd ask Mildred to do that, but you never can depend on her. She seldom makes up her mind, and when she does, she changes it.” I don't believe in never changing my mind. Sometimes it is far better to alter a faulty decision than to stick to it. But if you say you will do a thing on which other people are depending, try to do it. Don't say you'll do things unless you are reasonably sure you can. To be dependable is one of the most valuable qualities of character. Plan your work. Systematize it. Then keep at it according to schedule. You can accomplish more in that way. I do not mean, make yourself a slave to it, nor allow washing the supper dishes to interfere with your accepting an invitation16to drive. But I do mean, lay out your day's work to the best advantage, and then turn it off until it is all done, with some leisure left. It is useless and foolish to say in the morning that you “don't know whether you can get two hours' time in the afternoon or not” for something besides work. You know perfectly well, as a general thing, just what work there is to be done during the day, and after you have had a few weeks' experience, you ought to know how long it takes to do each task. All you need is decisive thought, manner, and action. Begin to-day, if you never have before, to put decision into what you think, say, and do. Not only in big things, such as buying a farm or a hat, but in the little things about the house. A character without decision is like an empty sack, depending upon some outside force to keep it upright.—Della Thompson Lutes, editor American Motherhood.