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Good Manners

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Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Feb 8, 1912

FromReview and Herald, Vol. 89, No. 6.

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Good Manners

An essential condition of the perfect manner is the absence of self-consciousness. There is a kind of self-consciousness that is most excusable, and sometimes pretty and attractive. It is the shyness of the young. This often comes from the feeling that they are not understood, and they have not the means of making themselves understood. They do not possess, or at least they do not know how to handle the weapons of society. Sometimes it has a less worthy source. It springs from a great egotism. Young people should be quick enough to see that their elders are not scrutinizing them and judging them as they imagine. Elderly people who retain their shyness are, as a rule, distinctly disagreeable. When great personages who have been unpopular through life, on account of their rude, brusque manners, pass away, the newspaper explains that they meant very well, but that they were shy. These explanations are seldom felt to be satisfactory.
Egotism is inconsistent with good manners. I need hardly to say that a person who is always thinking about etiquette is sure to make blunders, and to convey an impression of vulgarity. The true gentleman is infinitely above such paltriness. He is not thinking about himself; he is thinking about others. He is not miserably comparing his station and his fortune with those of the people he meets. He meets them as a gentleman meets ladies and gentlemen, and his business is to give and receive what pleasure he can. It is an essential of good manners that they should always be maintained. I do not say that we can always be quite the same.
We should try to be constant in our ways. If we have taken what we think reasonable offense at the doings of a friend, we ought not to show it by an icy manner. It is our business to explain to our friend where he has apparently come short, and to hear what he says about it. In all probability with his explanation, the misunderstanding will pass like a summer cloud.—Selected.