The Lump on His Side

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D. C. · Sep 7, 1905

The Lump on His Side

A MAN long noted for his intemperate habits was induced by Rev. John Abbott to sign the pledge “in his own way,” which he did in these words: “I pledge myself to drink no more intoxicating drinks for one year.” Few believed he could keep it, but near the end of the year he again appeared at the temperance meeting without once having touched a drop.

“Are you going to sign again?” asked Mr. Abbott.

“Yes,” replied he, “if I can do it in my way,” and accordingly he wrote, “I sign this pledge for nine hundred and ninety-nine years.”

A few days after this he called upon the tavern-keeper, who welcomed him back to his old haunt.

“O landlord!” said the man, as if in pain, “I have such a lump on my left side.”

“That’s because you have stopped drinking,” said the landlord; “you won’t live long if you keep on.”

“Will drink take that lump away?”

“Yes; and if you don’t drink, you’ll soon have a lump on the other side. Come, let’s drink together,” and he poured out two glasses of whisky.

“I think I won’t drink,” said the former inebriate; “especially if keeping the pledge will bring on another lump. This one isn’t very hard to bear after all.” With this he drew out the lump—a bag of money—from his side pocket, and walked off, leaving the landlord to his own reflections.—Selected.