A Personal Experience by Mrs. John Barland

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D.C. · Feb 16, 1905

A Personal Experience

By Mrs. John Barland

WHEN I accepted the third angel’s message, I was very happy in knowing that my sins were all gone. I wanted all the world to know how much God through Jesus had done for me. I was overflowing with gratitude for the love of Jesus, which was filling my soul. I walked the streets and sang hymns, because I could not keep still for joy. I was scarcely conscious of my surroundings until I would see some one stop and look my way. I was constantly planning what I could do for Jesus, who had done so much for me. He was all in all to me. I loved every one because I knew my Saviour did. I also found much more to do than I was able to do.

One day one of our ministers said, “I hope you will always be so, but I am afraid you may have different views later.” I looked up in surprise. I wanted to know why; so he explained as best he could. It grieved me, but I said, “I never will grow cold or indifferent.” For about four years I walked with my Saviour. I knew his voice and heeded it. O how happy I was!

I am grieved to say it, but a change came, so slowly, so quietly, I hardly noticed it until I saw myself drifting away from my Saviour. I went to church, prayed regularly, but Jesus seemed so far away. The last year my life was one of misery. But, thank God, that blessed Holy Spirit always spoke to me. It would plead so earnestly when I heard sermons that just fitted my case. And with tears, I would say, “Yes, Lord, I will give up all;” then Satan would say, “It is too small a matter for you to think it a sin. Never mind, you are just imagining things, that is all.” But at times it seemed to me all I did was but mockery. No one knew of my condition but God and myself. O how I longed for that first love, that freedom in Jesus that I used to have! But pride held me—love for dress, a desire to look like the world, a love of praise, a desire to have people say what a good woman I was. O how terrible was my condition! I see it now. I was almost lost.

Some of our people moved to Waldron, Ill., and began to hold cottage meetings. The Spirit of God worked upon honest hearts, and that town is now being awakened. We heard the good news, and our hearts were thrilled with joy. We were told of our lukewarm condition. I heard that pleading voice again, saying, “Give up all, and you too can rejoice.” An opportunity was given to tell of Jesus’ love. With my head bent and tears streaming down my face, I told all. My heart was melted, my pride was gone, I gave up all once more. My will is now at my Master’s command. Once more I love Jesus above all else. Now I rejoice. Now I am filled. I am free in Jesus.

I write this that it may help some poor soul who has lost his first love; and may God bless these few lines that many may find rest again.

MRS. JOHN BARLAND.

Kankakee, Ill.