War on Christian Principles.
By Pious Youth
One of the conditions of the treaty with Mexico, it is said, is, that any future war which may break out between the two countries shall be conducted on Christian principles. Now we all know that this is an age of progress, and that all sorts of improvements are constantly taking place in all sorts of matters; but war on Christian principles is certainly the latest, and, if it be carried out, we think it will prove the greatest of them all. Just imagine it; we think we can see the two armies drawn out in battle array. A fair field is before them, the ranks are formed, the positions are taken, the great guns are unlimbered. Gen. Grant is just about to give the order to fire, when the aid comes up and respectfully reminds him that “the war is to be conducted on Christian principles,” and that it will not do to fire. “Very true, very true,” says the Commanding-in-Chief, “but what are they? I have read Vauban, and Scheiter, and Coehorn. I have read the lives of the old conquerors, and have studied the campaigns of the greatest soldiers, but I never happened to come across these principles in any work upon the military art. Do you know anything about it, Colonel?” “I really don’t know how to begin; I suppose it would not do to shoot. Suppose we send for the Chaplain.” The Chaplain arrives—“Do you know anything about this fighting on Christian principles?” “Oh! yes, it is the easiest thing in the world.” “Here,” and the Chaplain takes out the Bible. “Really,” says the General, “we ought to have thought of this before. It is a bad time to commence the study of tactics when the enemy is right before us; but I suppose we are bound by the treaty.” “What is the first thing, Mr. Chaplain?” “Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” “But these are not our neighbors. They are Mexicans.” “The same book tells us, a little further on, that the opportunity to do good to a man makes him our neighbor.” “Will you go on, Mr. Chaplain?” “Love your enemies. Do good to them that hate you. Pray for them that despitefully use you. If a man smite you on one cheek, turn to him the other.” “But while we are praying for the Mexicans, they will be firing into us.” “No; they are bound by the treaty also. It works both ways.” “Then what is the use of our arms?” “This is all provided for in the same book. Beat your swords into ploughshares and your spears into pruning-hooks.” “Then I don’t see as there is anything for us to do here.” “Nothing, unless you send over and ask Santa Anna if he needs anything in the way of medicines, or provisions, or clothing. I rather think the treaty requires this of us. And I don’t know but we ought to send them a few school-masters, for I understand that they are shockingly ignorant people.” “But how do you ever know which party conquers in this fighting on Christian principles?” “That is the great beauty of it. Both sides conquer, and there are never any killed or wounded.”—Pious Youth.