The Marriage Altar by C. C. Lewis

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Sep 24, 1914

The Marriage Altar

By C. C. Lewis

(Concluded)

C. C. LEWIS

The Goal of Affection

MARRIAGE is the goal of true affection. But we should not rush to the goal with unseemly haste. Better consider the step long and deeply. It is one of the most important issues of life. Above all things else that are kept, keep thy heart with all diligence. The forces we admit enter for weal or woe. Let us be sure we want them to stay before we unbar the gates. Once in, it will be difficult to expel them, however treacherous they may prove. Even if they are driven out, the fortress may be injured beyond repair.

The Education First

This is no child's play, this matter of choosing a companion for life. Better leave it until a reasonably good education is acquired. This will bring one to a proper age for marriage. A man should be twenty-five years of age; a woman, at least twenty-one. Authorities agree that not until this age are the physical powers sufficiently mature properly to discharge the grave responsibilities of married life. Nor is the judgment sufficiently well equipped. And this emphasizes the necessity of deferring this step until the education is complete. One needs all the judgment and wisdom a good education is likely to give to select wisely a companion for life, or properly to manage one after the selection is made. And one needs just as much wisdom to know when and how to be managed.

Select Your Business First

Prudence also would indicate that it is wise to defer marriage until the life work has been selected and fairly well established. It is but reasonable to suppose that one's companion should be in sympathy with one's work and a true helper in the successful accomplishment of that work. But if the companion is selected first and the work afterward, it is a mere chance if they fit well together. To the man, even after the life work and the companion have been selected, there comes an additional reason why the marriage should be deferred until his business is fairly prosperous. He ought to have something to offer his wife as a token of his love and of his worth. It need not be much, but at least it ought to be enough to prove his ability to provide a respectable living. It need not be a costly home, but at least it should be the earnest of a cozy nest for the birdlings that are to be. And yet I would not insist too strongly upon this principle; for even the birds teach us to unite in building the nest. It is not the best to press a comparison too far. I think, however, that the superiority of the bird's instinct over man's is sufficient to confirm our first conclusion. No prospective father bird ever failed to provide a suitable home for his companion and little ones. Some men have.

Be Not Unequally Yoked

This discussion of the keeping of the heart in its relation to the life issue of marriage cannot properly close without reference to the exhortation of Scripture, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” The principle is broad enough to include other relations, but it is especially applicable to marriage and to matters of religion. By “unbelievers” evidently are meant those who do not believe in and love Jehovah, the true God, and who do not trust in Jesus Christ, his Son, for salvation; and those who do not believe in the present truth; and the exhortation, or rather command, is given men and women who do thus believe. The wisdom of the requirement is apparent. The marriage relation should be one of closest sympathy and union; else how can the “twain be one flesh”? But how can those who radically disagree in belief in regard to vital questions be of one heart and soul, as man and wife should be? There are, indeed, some men and women broad-minded or indifferent enough to grant to a companion liberty of conscience and religious belief; but are toleration and indifference a proper basis for the building which man and wife have covenanted to erect?—Nay, verily. It needs the most perfect union and the warmest sympathy to complete this work properly.

Whose cast of mind shall the children inherit, whose example follow, the father's or the mother's? If either or both, there is ground for alarm. A house divided against itself cannot stand. These considerations emphasize the importance of delaying marriage until the persons become settled in their religious belief, and then choosing in harmony with that belief; for whoever enters the marriage relation with one of opposite belief or no belief, not only goes contrary to the Word of God, but as a result invites disunion and sorrow into the life.

Rarely indeed does a believing wife or husband win an unbelieving companion to Christ. Rarely are promises made before marriage to gain the object of desire carried out after the object is gained. There is, of course, the possibility, but it is not strong enough to warrant the risk. Let the unbelieving party first believe, apart from the consideration of marriage, and demonstrate his faith by his life. Then, and not till then, should two dare the risk of uniting life with life.

But sometimes after marriage one of two unbelievers accepts Christ, or one of the contracting persons, believer or unbeliever, changes his or her belief. The only course then to be pursued is for both persons to make the best of the situation, exercising wisdom and patience, each mutually agreeing to grant full liberty of conscience to the other.