M. M. OSGOOD by M. M. OSGOOD

The Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Aug 4, 1868

M. M. OSGOOD

By M. M. OSGOOD

From Sr. Osgood.

Dear Brethren and Sisters: Some of you may have wondered why I have been so long silent in our Conference department. I have been waiting, hoping to have a better report to bring—at least one that would be more encouraging. For nearly two years Satan has kept mind and body in a measure fettered with disease and debility. I can hardly think that Jesus is pleased to have it so, but believe he is ready to make me free, if I was only prepared to use my liberty aright.

During the last year, especially, these fetters have seemed peculiarly burdensome, and at times Jesus has listened to my prayer and severed some of the links. For this I feel grateful; but I long to be able to engage successfully in life's duties—to share with my brethren and sisters in bearing its burdens and responsibilities. I believed, when leaving the Health Institute, that I should gain in health and strength much faster than I have. I have tried to exercise faith, and “act towards being a well woman.” But faith has not made me such.

During this time Jesus has not left me comfortless. No, no. Often have I heard his loving voice, saying, “Come to me, weary child, and find rest.” I felt so weary, and so anxious to learn why the coveted blessing was withheld, that I would go, and for a while sit quietly at his feet to learn my lesson. I would ask Jesus to show me where I was wrong, and how to get right. Portions of my life were mapped out and spread before me; then portions of his which corresponded as to situation, or surroundings. With the eyesalve I was enabled to see how very unlike they were. My lines were crooked, blotted, and blurred, while his were true, distinct, and beautiful. I love to look at his, but the sight of mine fills me with shame and sorrow. I wanted to straighten the lines, and have the blots erased. I felt his hand guiding mine, and knew that angels stood ready to help me. Believing that my Teacher was pleased with my efforts, I worked earnestly for a time. When one defect seemed remedied he would direct my attention to another. As long as I would sit still he kept patiently teaching and encouraging. But I have not learned to make that my permanent seat. When I am rejoicing at my prayers, Satan comes along with something for me to do, and frequently succeeds, by flattery, or by suddenly surprising me, in leading me away. When I have done his thankless task I begin to think, and turning round find Jesus looking sorrowfully at me. Then I begin to realize what I have lost, and how I must have grieved my loving Teacher. With repentings, and shame, and bitter tears, I ask if I may come back, and, oh! what wondrous love, and long forbearance! he always says, “Come.”

I do not feel as though the past year had been wholly lost time, for I have had opportunities for examining my past life and present condition, and think I have seen my faults in a clearer light than ever before. I have made the Testimonies a constant and prayerful study, and find very many of the reproofs given to different individuals are applicable to me, and am trying to profit by them, and by those given in the Bible, as though they were directed to me, personally. The blessing of the Lord attends these efforts. There has been a great lack of humility, a lack of readiness to suffer inconvenience for the sake of promoting the happiness and comfort of others. At times a lack of sympathy, of forbearance, and love. Oh! I have lacked in all the Christian graces. Satan made me believe that I had knowledge which might be used in several spheres to advantage, when as yet I know comparatively nothing as I ought to know. Have thought myself to be something, when I was nothing; and while vainly puffed up by my fleshly mind, have supposed I could engage in work which was far beyond my capacity. I am ashamed to think I suffered myself to be so long deceived by him. But I do feel thankful for what the Lord is showing me. I dare not hope that I am entirely free from these deceptions and their effects, but I am trying to free myself. I want help, yet dare not ask the Lord to give it by sending faithful, personal rebukes to me, through his servant, for the deceitful heart is so prone to rebel. Yet my earnest prayer is, that he would prepare me to receive, not only willingly, but thankfully, such tokens of his loving care, when he sees they might be a help to me, if received and heeded. Let me say to those who have known me, and have been grieved with these manifestations of pride and selfishness, I am very sorry on account of them. Think I am earnestly trying to learn lessons of humility and self-denial, from the meek and lowly One. The lesson may seem short to some, but I have so much to unlearn and undo before I can study with success, that I sometimes tremble lest I shall not get ready soon enough to secure my Teacher's help in the finishing-up part. Will those whom I have grieved or wronged in any way, forgive, and pray for me? I will try to be zealous in the work of repentance, and persevering in that of reformation. The Lord helping me I will not rest until, through heeding precious truth, it has proved a sanctifying, saving blessing. Yours affectionately.

M. M. OSGOOD

Oneida Co., N. Y., July 19, 1868.