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Marrying Unbelievers

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Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D.C. · Aug 17, 1916

FromReview and Herald, Vol. 93, No. 41.

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Marrying Unbelievers

By L. H. Christian

L. H. CHRISTIAN
“O THE problems, perplexities, and sorrows that confront those who marry out of the truth! How different life might have been, and how much more useful! I try faithfully to train my two children for God; but when one knows how great an avalanche hangs over his head, he cannot work as openly. My husband has forbidden me to teach the boy; but I cannot see that it is wrong for me to disobey him in that. He has threatened to put him in a military school, where this ‘seventh-day business will be taken out.’ At times he has threatened to kill me if I try to get our boy into the Seventh-day Adventist faith. Twice when I have referred him to the fact that he knew when we were married I did not go to theaters and that I kept the Sabbath, he has replied, ‘I thought you’d get some sense and change.’ But I haven’t changed. This truth and this people grow dearer to me every day. All this trouble is the fruit of marrying out of the truth.”
“If when I went to one of our ministers and talked with him, he had sat down and pointed out the dangers as given in the Testimonies, instead of advising me as he did; if when I talked with another minister about performing the ceremony, he had said, ‘No, I can never speak the words to unite you to an unbeliever;’ what a world of sorrow and heartache would have been saved to us both! I feel heartsick for my husband; I feel that in consenting to marry him, I did him a great unkindness and injustice; I realize it more each day. Perhaps under other circumstances he might have listened to and accepted this truth, which he now hates. I have tried to be an earnest, conscientious Christian; but by refusing to go to theaters and wear flowers on my hat, I have made him hate the truth. I sometimes wonder if it would not have been better had I gone to the theaters with him, and fixed my hats to please him. I did not care for the theaters or the trumpery; and I did not like to take a course that weaker ones might follow.”
Thus recently wrote a sister with an unbelieving husband. This sister is a faithful, peaceable woman and an efficient housekeeper. Hundreds of others have a like experience. We must encourage these sisters. They must wait upon the Lord and not lose heart. But we must also warn our youth against uniting in marriage with those who are not Adventists. In many places we meet those who are planning to unite with unbelievers, and sometimes even parents encourage such unions for their children. We need to speak against this. Better a thousand times to remain single, or even to break an engagement, than to marry an unbeliever.
Let me say a word as to another thing. If it is wrong for an Adventist to be united in marriage with an unbeliever or with a member of some other church, then, as ministers, it is not only our duty to speak against this, but we should refuse to perform the marriage ceremony in such cases. No true minister will fear to do his duty, and no worthy Adventist will criticize a minister because he refuses to marry those who the Scriptures teach should not marry. If one of our members does unite with an unbeliever, that person should not be disfellowshipped, but we should never in any way place our approval upon the marriage of a believer with an unbeliever.
Chicago, Ill.