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Not as I Will

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Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Aug 31, 1911

FromReview and Herald, Vol. 88, No. 35.

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Not as I Will

By Helen Hunt Jackson

Blindfolded and alone I stand With unknown thresholds on each hand; The darkness deepens as I grope, Afraid to fear, afraid to hope; Yet this one thing I learn to know Each day more surely as I go, That doors are opened, ways are made, Burdens are lifted or are laid, By some great law unseen and still, Unfathomed purpose to fulfil, “Not as I will.”
Blindfolded and alone I wait; Loss seems too bitter, gain too late; Too heavy burdens in the load, And too few helpers on the road; And joy is weak, and grief is strong, And years and days so long, so long! Yet this one thing I learn to know Each day more surely as I go, That I am glad the good and ill By changeless law are ordered still, “Not as I will.”
“Not as I will,” the sound grows sweet Each time my lips the words repeat; “Not as I will!” the darkness feels More safe than light when this thought steals Like whispered voice to calm and bless All unrest and all loneliness. “Not as I will!” because the One Who loved us first and best has gone Before us on the road, and still For us must all his love fulfil— “Not as we will.”
—Helen Hunt Jackson.