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Marrying Unbelievers

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Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D. C. · Mar 2, 1911

FromReview and Herald, Vol. 88, No. 9.

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Marrying Unbelievers

By George B. Thompson

G. B. THOMPSON
A MOTHER writes: “Can not something be said in the REVIEW that will warn our young people concerning the terrible mistake of marrying unbelievers? One of my daughters, the pride of my life, whom I hoped to see become a missionary, has committed this blunder, and another is contemplating the same step.”
Some years ago I was riding to the railway station with a good brother. As we neared the town, he said: “This is the most unhappy hour of my life. My daughter, whom I have educated at great expense to be a worker for this blessed truth, is returning home to-day to be married to a man who is not a Christian. My hopes and her prospects are ruined. I would feel no worse were I expecting to convey her dead body from the station to my home.”
This young lady was married as represented, and to-day is not a Sabbath-keeper. Why do young people of both sexes make this fatal experiment, and bow down their own and their parents’ heads with sorrow? I am personally convinced that the enemy is ruining the usefulness of more of our young people in this way than perhaps in any other. If he can not lead them away from the Sabbath, or hinder their securing a training for missionary work, he will endeavor to bring about some matrimonial alliance which will forever put an end to all plans for active work in the vineyard of the Lord, and make the proper observance of the Sabbath difficult.
Knowing the evil which would result from such worldly alliances, the Lord has given the most explicit warnings against them.
“When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou; and when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor show mercy unto them: neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.” Deut. 7: 1-4.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness withunrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?”
These prohibitions are not against marriage, for “marriage is honorable in all.” The marriage relation was established by the Lord, and, like the Sabbath, comes down to us from sinless Eden. But these scriptures do lay an eternal prohibition in the way of Christians of either sex marrying unbelievers; and this prohibition can never be disregarded except at the peril of the soul. Having knowingly violated the clear warning of the Lord, and grieved his Holy Spirit, those who enter such unions place their feet on a precipice over which they will probably be drawn. This step has been the spiritual ruin of many. “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods,” saith the Lord. The Lord said that intermarrying with the unbelieving nations, instead of bringing these nations into the truth, would turn away the hearts of his people from the true God. It is the same to-day. When a Sabbath-keeper marries an unbeliever with the hope of bringing him into the truth, it usually turns out the other way. Read prayerfully the following:—
“It is a dangerous thing to form a worldly alliance. Satan well knows that the hour that witnesses the marriage of many young men and women closes the history of their religious experience and usefulness. They are lost to Christ. They may for a time make an effort to live a Christian life; but all their strivings are made against a steady influence in the opposite direction. Once it was a privilege and joy to them to speak of their faith and hope; but they become unwilling to mention the subject, knowing that the one with whom they have linked their destiny takes no interest in it. As the result, faith in the precious truth dies out of the heart, and Satan insidiously weaves about them a web of skepticism.”
“Hundreds have sacrificed Christ and heaven in consequence of marrying unconverted persons. Can it be that the love and fellowship of Christ are of so little value to them that they prefer the companionship of poor mortals? Is heaven so little esteemed that they are willing to risk its enjoyments for one who has no love for the precious Saviour?”—“Testimonies for the Church,” Vol. IV, pages 504, 505, 507.
To those who are contemplating marriage the following instruction is given:—
“Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the after-life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God can not approve.
“If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons which their life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study his Word with prayer.
“Under such guidance let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.”—“Ministry of Healing,” page 350.
Unbelievers are compared to tares; believers, to the wheat. How sad to see the tendrils of the wheat entwining around the tares, clinging with the most ardent affection of the heart to that which, unless a change is wrought, must be cast at last into the fire to be burned! It is well for those contemplating marriage to prayerfully think of this. Better to think it over now than later, with a sad and broken heart, to weep over a wrong step which can never be retraced.
Writing counsel to one who was contemplating marriage with an unbeliever, the servant of God said: “My sister, unless you would have a home where the shadows are never lifted, do not unite yourself with one who is an enemy of God.”—“Testimonies for the Church,” Vol. V, page 363.
A home “where the shadows are never lifted”! What a home! And for life! God intended home to be the sweetest place on earth. To take a step which may darken it with shadows forever is a fearful thing to do. To do this in the face of repeated warnings from the Lord involves a terrible risk. That some risks turn out all right does not alter the principle. That a person, in the face of warnings, may walk a rope stretched across Niagara Falls, without injury or loss of life, does not in any way minimize the danger nor constitute a proper example for others to follow.
Before marriage many good promises are made, perhaps in good faith. The unbelieving companion says, “I will never stand in your way; you can believe and worship as you choose.” But it is impossible to keep such a promise. Clouds can not but obscure the rays of the sun. The heart remains unchanged, and is enmity to God. The desires and purposes of the husband and the wife are different. One is seeking the things of this world, the other the things of the world to come. One is walking in the path that leads to heaven and unending bliss; the footsteps of the other are tending toward destruction. Truly this is an unnatural and grievous yoke.
Then when the home is established, and life’s real journey together begins, there will be shadows. One believes in the coming of Jesus, and loves to talk about this glorious event. The work of the message and its progress in the earth, one has loved and watched perhaps from childhood, but the companion chosen for life neither knows nor cares about the message. Commercial enterprises interest him more. He is more interested in the price of grain or the advance in real estate than in the salvation of sinners. A trashy novel is often more interesting to him than the Bible, the REVIEW, or other good reading-matter. And if this is distasteful to the wife, whom he has solemnly promised to love and protect, he tells her he will find company for the evening which will be congenial, and where the conversation will not be about heaven, but concerning things he loves and understands. The natural heart rules, and the promises made before marriage are forgotten.
In every home the altar of prayer should be reared. But when the hour of morning and evening worship comes, when God’s Holy Book should be read, and together husband and wife should bow before the Lord and pray, one longs to do this, but the other does not. He has never learned to pray; he does not love this sweet communion with his Maker. Then the one must either omit worship or engage in it alone, while the other is absent, or present as a spectator, and sometimes to sneer. Unless the heart is strong in the love of God, the painful ordeal will soon be omitted. But few stem the current, and maintain a firm hold on the truth. The vast majority drift into the open sea of unbelief. Other religious duties are neglected. The precious truth is less and less spoken of, the prayer-meeting is not attended, the heart grows cold, and the shadows in the home deepen as the weeks and months pass.
When the holy Sabbath comes, the heart of the believing one in the home turns toward the house of God,—to the Sabbath-school and the services which may follow,—but the heart of the unbeliever to the things of the world. One goes to his secular work, while the other goes alone to divine services. All this, with the general atmosphere of the home, is not conducive to making the Sabbath what the Lord intended it to be.
It is true that the truth of God divides homes after marriage. The gospel at times sets at variance father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife. But this is a very different matter than deliberately choosing for life a companion who is an unbeliever, or who differs widely from one in religious practise or belief.
A Christian young man, contrary to the advice of his parents and brethren, married a pleasure-loving young woman. Her influence silenced his prayers, estranged him from the house of God, and led him into pleasure. When on his death-bed, with remorse and agony of soul, and a fearful eternity to face as a lost sinner, he gazed upon his wife, and exclaimed, “O Rebecca! Rebecca! you are the cause of my eternal damnation,” and died. What terrible words are these! May they never be wrung in despair from the heart of any of our youth.
Takoma Park, D. C.