For Husbands and Wives by Margaret E. Sangster

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D. C. · Mar 2, 1911

For Husbands and Wives

By Margaret E. Sangster

Don’t's for Husbands

DON’T, my friend, play fast and loose with happiness by ceasing to pay the little attentions to your wife, which came from you so constantly in the days when you were courting her. Don’t take her love so much for granted that you display yours chiefly in the privacy of the domicile, criticizing her brus[k]ly in the presence of acquaintances, forgetting to lift your hat when you meet her on the street, stalking in front of her instead of allowing her to precede you, and permitting her to carry her own bundles. I have seen a man who would cheerfully have died for his wife, were that necessary, transgress day by day every rule of courtesy. His customary demeanor to her was so impolite that her pride was deeply hurt. The woman does not exist who enjoys being treated with the slightest discourtesy by her husband in the presence of outside people. This rule has no exceptions; and whether the outsiders be kindred, neighbors, or chance acquaintances, is of no importance.

Don’t find fault with the meals. If you happen to sit down to the table in a mood of unrest due to the worries of the day, bring to bear upon the situation precisely the self-control that would carry you triumphantly through a dinner at which you were a guest away from home. When a beautifully prepared meal is on the table, pay your wife a compliment.

Happiness in Trifles

Don’t in any sense of the word be negligent of your wife, while you show yourself considerate of some one else,—a guest beneath the roof, a pretty girl visitor, or a relative of your own, who is perhaps disposed to take advantage of earlier claims, and monopolize your company. Every one of these items may be set down to heedlessness, and does not interfere with the fact that you are in the main a good husband, a generous provider, and a man whose integrity and honor are not to be impeached. “It is the little rift within the lute that by and by will make the music mute;” and far too many men never ascertain, until it is too late, that the happiness of women depends far more upon little trifles that seem as nothing in the day’s work, than upon the devotedness shown upon great occasions.

A Few Do’s and Don’t’s for Wives

Dear young wives, my first don’t to you is concerned with your new dignity of wifehood. Do not altogether abandon or forget the beautiful reserve which was yours as a maiden. Don’t permit yourself to seem common earthenware where hitherto you have been fine porcelain. Don’t omit the courteous reception and the gracious welcome which you accorded your lover when the lover becomes your husband. Don’t suffer yourself to look like a frump or a dowdy. Do take pains with your hair and your toilet, the daintiness of your gowns, and the neatness of your shoes.

Don’t take other people into your confidence if John offends you. Neither your mother, your aunt, your college chum, your dearest girl friend, nor the agreeable stranger whom you met the other day, should be the recipient of your grievances, if you have them. Your home should be a sanctuary, inviolate from profanation, and remember that it is profaned when you complain to some one else of John’s ill temper, his neglect, or his parsimony. The instant a wife permits herself to complain of her husband to people beyond her door, she breaks down a barrier, and makes a way for every sort of trouble to enter the field of home.

Whatever you do, don’t nag or sulk. A wife who goes about with the air of a martyr winter-kills her happiness. Don’t be inconsolable when your husband tarries late at the office, and keeps the dinner waiting. Don’t object to his bringing home guests unannounced. If they arrive with him unexpectedly, don’t apologize for the house or the meal or the children or anything else. Put on extra plates and cups, and let them share “pot luck.”

Don’t have bills. Pay as you go, and persuade your husband to give you a definite housekeeping allowance from the beginning of your housekeeping.

Don’t reprove John when he brings you a box of bonbons or a flower. Receive gifts, on the contrary, with an expression of gratitude.

Don’t be so absorbed in the children that their father gets little of your company, and only a fragment of your attention. The babies may need you, but John needs you quite as much. Don’t be vexed if you have to prompt the good man’s memory as to birthdays and anniversaries. Don’t freeze him by depression; and if you wish him to love your mother and father, and make them welcome in the home, see to it that you have at all times a ready welcome for his people when they visit you.—Margaret E. Sangster, in Woman’s Home Companion.