The Boy by G. H. Heald

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Washington, D.C. · Aug 25, 1904

The Boy

By G. H. Heald

G. H. HEALD

Let me place before you two young men: one studious, industrious, ambitious, courteous, with no bad habits, the other a cigarette “fiend,” a frequenter of beer halls and more questionable places—a loafer. Can you estimate the difference in value in the two boys? Do you know that some parents are responsible for the difference in those two boys? And yet the parents of the “fiend” probably do not realize that they could have done anything to make him any better. They may be praying people, the father a minister of the gospel, possibly; and yet he has not been able to bring that gospel home to his own boy.

Have you a boy? Do you know that upon you depends the solution of the question whether that boy shall be a useful member of society or a vagabond? Have you been living in the fond hope that because you are not a vagabond, he will follow in your steps?

Do you know where your boy was last night, who were his companions, what they were doing? Have you noticed on his part a growing disrelish for home life, a disinclination to be free with you in conversation? Have you noticed that he avoids your gaze when he talks to you?

If so, do you know that your boy is already entering a crisis in his life which will take all the study and care you can bestow to prevent disastrous results.

Happy are those parents who can so enter into the sympathies of the young people, and so regulate the home affairs, that it will be to the children a real “home,” where they would rather be than any other place in the world.

The attempt to keep the furniture and carpets in faultless condition will necessarily keep the young folks in such a state of restraint that they will be glad of any excuse to get away. Noticing little faults, “nagging,” seeing the evil rather than the good, having many words of criticism and few of praise,—these are ways in which the young may easily be alienated.

The question is sometimes asked why ministers’ boys are worse than other boys? I think it is for this very reason. Nearly everything the boy does is wrong, and subject to criticism; and so far as the impression given by the correction goes, it is no more wrong to lie or steal than it is to come into the house with muddy boots.

Parents should carefully distinguish between acts which are wrong in themselves and those which, through thoughtlessness on the part of the child, cause more or less inconvenience or annoyance to the parent. The tendency to criticise should be restrained. The child should be taught the difference between right and wrong, and should be encouraged to choose the right from principle.

The matter of noise and mud may be disregarded. It may cause a little more work perhaps; and the lesson of thoughtfulness for others should be inculcated. But it should be done rather in an indirect way, and not while the parent is irritated at the thoughtlessness of the boy.

The boy has friends. Invite them to the house. Make it pleasant for all of them. Let them feel that they are more than welcome. They are much less likely to be engaged in questionable amusements while in your home than when away. As far as possible, enter into their amusements with them.

You say this costs too much time and trouble? What are the time and trouble as compared with the loss of a boy? Are they comparable?

Your boy is interested in tops, or kites, or in making an electric motor. By all means help him in his occupations as far as you can. You may not be able to cook so many “extras,” desserts, etc., as you would otherwise, but your stomach will be the better for it, so you will have more patience with your boy; and his stomach will be better, so he will not be so cross and unreasonable.

Have you ever wondered why sometimes your boy seems possessed of Satan himself, why his very nature seems changed, and he is utterly unreasonable? Have you noticed that just at the same time it is especially hard for you to bear the boy’s unreasonableness? Have you traced the boy’s surly disposition and your impatience to that mince pie you had last night? If you have never noticed the connection between rich food and hot tempers, just observe for a while; cook more plainly and healthfully, and make use of the time thus saved in getting better acquainted with your boy. You will never regret it.