How We Spell by Editor

Seventh-day Adventist Missionary Society · Oakland, Cal. · Nov 1, 1883

How We Spell.

By Editor

PRESIDENT BERNARD, of Columbia College, believes in a reformed system of spelling. He recently wrote a letter to Professor Scott, of that college, in which every word is spelled in accordance with some example in our present orthography, and it shows by example and illustration the absurdity of our present way of spelling many words. The letter is a literary curiosity, and also an argument. The spelling of three hundred years ago is almost unintelligible. It would not require nearly so great a change as has already taken place since the earliest period of English literature to give us a simple phonetic orthography:—

Migh dier Cyrrh:—Eybowt phiphty yeers agough, eye enterteigned vews oph thee aurthografic kweschun kwight cymire two yewrs. Mower rheecenteigh ai hav rephlected ohn thea psubgikt ay gould diel, anned haph scene raezen too chainj muy ohpinyuns. Uy hav dyskuvered thath they karachturistiks oph hour Inggliesh aweorthograpeigh whitch yough kaul phaltz arr rheallee merritz. Yew peaa ey sownd shood haph butte wun rheprhezentativ; buth, ei asch yeu, iz naut anne aurthografike cystim chonstructid oune thaphth pryncipal ay contemtibul apphare buy thae cyde oph won in whitch epheeer sownd has twentie rheprezentathiphs? Yough kumplein uv psighlent leththerz. Inn yewer igknowruntz you phale too pureseve thatte wie haph know cylunt letters. Awl thoughts whitch ue kawl sough arr mierleigh kompownunt parrhts oph buy-litterhal, or try-litterhal, or mutigh-litterhal karrhachturz yewzd too denought cympal vokie elemence. Too illustraight. Thayr iz ay vokie elemunt kommuniy rheprhezentid buy thea karuktur u. Butte thysse iz ekwallie rheprhezentid buy eu, ew, ui, ugh, ough, etc., etc. Aynuther iz rhheprhezentid buy t; butte yi haz az ekwiphaylunts th (az inn thyme), tw (az inn two), and phth (az inn phthisic). Ai thurd, rheprezentid buy f, haz atte leezze won buy-litterhal ekwivaylent, ph.

Nou appligh theeze prinsipuls too thie spell-ynge oph ai wurred kombigring awl theighr phokle elemence, anned knowtiss thoe bewtiphul varhieteee theigh opphur two ower chawiss. Wee maigh haph frewt, or fruet, or frught, or phriewth, or throughphth. Inn vue ov possighbilitiee souch az theeze, whitch ey dough naut prethend tou eggsaust, amme ei naut joustyphyde inn saighing, 'Heer's writchness?'

Theigh pholt ov ower awrthaugrighfee iz knot, az eu klaym, thacht ite haz to menny rheprhezentathiphs phaur thee saim psowud; ite iz phthath itt konphinz eech souch psowud rheprhecephthayphthiph tou ay guarroe wreinj oph yewse. Iph, ohn thie uthur hanned, aul theaz eekwivalenth psowued repreigissentathiphthiye wur maid indysyskrimineighteigh inturchainjaybul, aigh paighg oph Inggliesh wood preazent ai vayrheed anned piktewrhesk appieranse, troughteigh pliezing to ey kaurrheth thaisphth. Hwot iz beth-thur, thair kood bee inn souch ai cystim know pooch thyng az bachd spealling—ay sirkumstants inphiniteigh konsouling two theigh moulthithewds hoo nou auphthen undirgough untolled aggnur yn eapistholayrie kompozishun bekaws, lyche Pinkee Rhosebudde inn thee Senturie Mayayzeen theigh kahut rhemembyrrh wheather itt shood be ei aur ie; phaur, yew cee, ytt wood bee boath.

Sough, cyrrh, iph igh ephphur uhdertaik tu wrheephawrm hour speillingue, ai shagl doo soe, buy thacheing aigh deepahrtower in theigh dyrhockshun dyametrikully oppoughatt too owers. Pherry trewlie yure ohbedyuntp surphant.

Proughphesyrrh Charrhlz P. G. Skachphth, Nieu Yawrrk, May 11, 1883.

We publish the above, not only as a literary curiosity, but as an exercise lesson to learners of our language. Every word is spelled correctly, according to English usage, or analogy. Let the young student first copy it off, spelling every word according to Webster, and then write out a list of words in which the combinations given above appear. When he has done this he will no doubt know more about the English language than he did before. It seems like an outrage to inflict upon the young mind the task of learning such useless and senseless combinations.