The Marriage Relation by George C. Tenney

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Feb 24, 1903

The Marriage Relation

By George C. Tenney

G. C. TENNEY

MARRIAGE as a divine institution is essentially and altogether another thing from merely human wedlock. In the latter the bond is self-interest, gratification or profit being the motive. In the former the union is approved of God, and is formed by his power. In such a case there is no place for strife or hatred or taking of personal advantage, because the twain have been made one flesh. And no man ever yet hated his own flesh. Many husbands and wives acknowledge that they should be one, but quarrel continually over which shall be the one. But neither is to be the one. It requires both to make one. Neither is to swallow up the other.

And yet, while this is true, every family should have one recognized head. To find this place the Bible as well as nature assigns the man. He is the house-band. His rightful place is over his house as Christ is over the church. This does not imply tyranny or lordly domination. It rather means a protector, provider, teacher, example, comforter, and counselor. In nothing does a true husband and father take so much satisfaction as in the purity and true dignity of his wife and children. They are his special treasure. How quickly would he resent any attempt on the part of another to bring shame or reproach upon them. Should he not be equally careful not to do so himself? There are many ways in which a man can humiliate his wife, and break the spirit of her womanly dignity and self-respect, which is the secret of true ladyhood. If a man desires to have a lady for a wife, it rests with himself to make and preserve her such. He must treat and regard her as a lady if he expects others to do so. It is nothing short of beastly baseness and cowardice to treat a wife in an impure, disrespectful, or inconsiderate manner, and then demand that she become a queen or a model in the presence of others. Let a woman know that she has the honor, love, and high esteem of her husband, and that very assurance, and that fact, with the consciousness of her acceptance with God, forms a sure foundation for true nobility in character and deportment. Deprive a wife of that great boon, and she becomes either a bold rebel against her cruel lot, or a servile slave without spirit or grace.

Then, as the church submits to her loving Saviour, so should the wife obey her husband. Neither the husband nor the wife has the least right to interfere with each other's relations to God. Differences of religious faith and practise should not separate hearts or cause persecution. There is no necessity for this. The duties we owe to God do not conflict with those we owe to our companions. The supreme love we owe to him does not detract a particle from the pure love we should bestow upon those who are our own flesh and bones. There should be no coercion on either side in religious matters, and the one who displays the most of Christ's tender love will stand the best chance of winning the other to his or her side.

Family union should include the purse and the bank account. It is pitiful to see the way some wives suffer in obtaining meager allowances of “change” from the lord of the pocketbook. It is impudent robbery to deny to the wife her share and say in money matters. Some women marry only the pocketbook, and care nothing for the man. Many women find out later that the pocketbook was not in the bargain at all. But all such arrangements are no marriage in his sight, who, in marrying men and women, makes them one flesh.