THE RELATION OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER.
By Mrs. W. C. Sisley
MRS. W. C. SISLEY.
(Battle Creek, Mich.) A WRITER of note has said, “The motherly instinct is, without doubt, the ruling passion in the heart of the true woman.” When this sentiment finds expression in tangible form, there exists one of the sweetest and purest of relationships earth knows. Surely the relation between mother and child is a close one. What mother does not recall the tender emotions she experienced when the little bundle of velvety flesh of her firstborn pressed her cheek, or when she took the small hand carefully and lovingly in hers? Did not the new sense of responsibility lend dignity to motherhood? Did she not then and there promise God that with his help she would prove faithful to her trust? The early years are ones of greatest importance. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” That promise is an inspiration. It is no child’s play to comply with the conditions on which this promise is based. It takes time and energy to be a good mother. But the world needs women willing to fill this high office. It has little use for those whose warmest affections flow out toward poodle dogs, whose leisure hours are spent in giving them an airing, or tendering them a reception, as was done recently in one of our large Eastern cities. Neither does the world want indifferent mothers, like one reported, who, on being questioned concerning her children’s ages, said, languidly, “Ask Betty.” A lack of natural affection, Paul tells us, is one of the characteristic sins of the last days. Mothers, shall any of us be among that unenviable class?—God forbid. As already remarked, the mother’s work begins early. What the relation between mother and daughter shall be rests largely with the mother. The better the mother, the better the daughter; hence the significance of Ezekiel’s proverb, “As is the mother, so is the daughter.” The first requisite in a mother is common sense, coupled with genuine piety. If she fully realizes the power of her influence, she will see the necessity of being a woman of much prayer. While one hand holds that of her child, with the other she must grasp the hand of the Infinite One. Thus the mother is fitted to be the spiritual adviser of her child. Then, whatever culture or accomplishments she may possess will make her more truly the ideal mother. From the beginning, mothers should be companionable, not only in feeling, but in expression. They should let their children know that what interests them interests their mothers. The subject of health is second to none; for good physical health is the foundation on which sound spiritual health rests. As the daughter approaches the especially critical years, if there has been from infancy the perfect confidence between mother and daughter that there should be, this trying period will be passed with comparative safety. Disease often results from sinful ignorance—yes, sinful, when we consider that precious lives are the sacrifice to false modesty. But mothers can not be safe medical counselors without proper research and study. Neither can they afford to be “willingly ignorant” of health principles when so much is involved therein. Indeed, there is comparatively little excuse in these days of abundant literature, lectures, mothers’ circles, etc. Closely allied to the subject of health is that of morals; and if the mother is the best guardian of the health of her daughter, even so is she the best guardian of her virtue. And right here, mothers, we must not lose sight of the fact that our daughters are no more precious in the sight of God than other daughters. So while we guard our own with zealous care against any intruding influence, let us have a true motherly interest for others. Daughters should early be taught to share with mother in her domestic duties. Let there grow with the years a blending of interest. Having shared the tasks, they will be ready to enjoy together the respite from labor. Indeed, it is not enough that the daughters be able to share with the mother the daily round of duties. Every daughter should be so thoroughly instructed in all the details of home-keeping, that, if need be, when of proper age, she can stand in charge, running the domestic machinery without jar or friction. Again, I say, Be companionable in the sense of being agreeable—a companion of choice, and not of constraint. Forced love is but a poor substitute. If mothers are to hold their own as congenial associates with their children, they will have to keep young in spirit, growing with their children’s growth. Thus mothers need food for mental improvement. Perhaps Paul’s advice to Timothy would be equally good for mothers: “Give attendance to reading.” Usually, when one becomes a mother, her school days are over, but not her opportunities for self-improvement. A mother should never be too old to learn. Even if the schoolgirl should surpass the mother in book-knowledge, the mother should, if possible, keep a little ahead in general information. Music, too, has charms, even for the mother. And when she has sung her full quota of lullabys, she need not feel that her harp is to be hung on the willows. Mothers have a part to act in determining and helping to mold the character of the music in the home. Whether she realizes it or not, music may prove a blessing, or it may prove a snare. The subject of dress should not be overlooked; for it is one where many mothers fail. Owing to almost numberless cares, she is liable to become careless regarding her personal appearance. Not for a moment would I intimate that a mother should indulge in vanity or foolish extravagance in dress. But mothers should take pains to dress neatly and becomingly. And when they can conform to their dear ones’ taste without compromise of feeling or principle, it would seem wisdom so to do. In all things, therefore, should mothers be an example. While much is said about holding the confidence of children, is it not possible that too great demands may be made upon them? While we love their confidence, and invite it, we should guard against overexactions or prying inquisitiveness; and when our daughters give us their sweet confidence, we should regard it sacredly, and in return give them our confidence. I would not leave the impression that mothers are the only safe companions for their daughters. By no means. But they should be acquainted with their daughters’ friends. They should be one with the young people, so interesting and agreeable that their presence will be sought and enjoyed. The relation of mother and daughter is indeed one of the sweetest and purest known. I dare not say that it is the closest relationship in nature; for we know that from the beginning there has been one other, taking precedence. However happy the home companionship, it is subject to change. If the home ties are severed, and new ones formed, the daughters are daughters still, and mother is always mother. And what thing earthly is more unchanging than the heart of a true mother? Her children may be far removed, yet not too far for mother’s love and prayers to reach them. A touching incident occurred not long ago in my own experience, illustrating that age becomes no barrier to mother-love. I had been walking quite a distance, and stopped to rest with my dear mother, eighty-six years of age. She saw my weariness, and said, “Come and sit in my lap, and let me hold you.” She wished to comfort me, as was her wont in younger days. Inspiration exalts this tender relation by comparison, saying, “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you.” Are we mothers? let us fulfill our mission worthily. Are we daughters? let us be tender and loving daughters, giving comfort and receiving comfort as the years come and go.