Kind Manners at Home

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Jul 25, 1871

Kind Manners at Home.

There are many families, the members of which are, without doubt, dear to each other. If sickness or sudden trouble falls on one, all are afflicted, and make haste to sympathize, help, and comfort. But in their daily life and ordinary intercourse there is not only no expression of affection, none of the pleasant and fond behavior that has, perhaps, little dignity, but which more than makes up for that in its sweetness; but there is an absolute hardness of language and actions which is shocking to every sensitive and tender feeling. Between father and mother, and brother and sister, pass rough and hasty words; yes, and angry words, far more frequently than words of endearment. To see and hear them, one would think that they hated, instead of loved each other. It does not seem to have entered into their heads that it is their duty, as it should be their best pleasure, to do and say all that they possibly can for each other’s good and happiness. “Each one for himself, and bad luck take the hindermost.” The father orders and growls, the mother frets, complains, and scolds, the children snap, snarl, and whine, and so goes the day. Alas! for it, if this is a type of Heaven!—as “the family” is said to be—at least, it is said to be the nearest thing to Heaven of anything on earth. But the spirit of selfishness, of violence, render it more like the other place—yes, and this too often, even when all the members of the household are members of the church. Where you see—when you know it—one family where love and gentleness reign, you see ten where they only make visits, and this among Christian families as well as others.

Now, it is a sad and melancholy thing to “sit solitary” in life, but give me a cave in the bowels of earth, give me a lodge in any waste, howling wilderness, where foot nor face of human being ever came, rather than an abode with parents, friends, or kindred, in which I must hear or utter language which causes pain, or where I must see conduct which is not born of love. No wealth, no advantage of any kind, would induce me to live with people whose intercourse was of such a nature. The dearer they were to me, the less would I remain among them, if they did not do all they could to make each other happy. With mere strangers one might endure, even under such circumstances, to remain for a time; for what they say or do has but limited effect upon one’s feelings; but how members of the same family, children of the same parents, can remain together, year after year, when every day they hear quarrelling, if they do not join in it, and when hard words fly on all sides of them, thick as hail, and the very visitors in their house are rendered uncomfortable by them, is indeed a mystery.

“Count life by virtues; these will last When life’s lame, foiled race is o’er; And these, when earthly joys are past Shall cheer us on a brighter shore.” —Set.