Wherefore Dost Thou Doubt?
By E. H. W.
I had been listening to an argument by which one was trying to convince a friend upon some point of our faith. Our friend was, I felt, a sincere seeker after truth, and had already accepted some of our doctrines, and was with patient, faithful, and thorough research studying upon others. The matter was looked over and over and the point almost admitted; but there seemed to be hesitation with regard to the decision. I do not judge my young friend. Knowing her to be slow to act and firm to hold, I do not say but that her reason actually remained unconvinced; but withdrawing from the company, my mind reverted to an experience which came to my knowledge a few years ago. A young lady of average mind and of religious principle—a member at the time of an orthodox church, and supporting herself by education and experience fully convinced of the vital points of Christian faith—chanced to read a work wherein many arguments of a skeptical nature were introduced. Her faith was gradually shaken till doubt took possession of her mind. Was there a God? and was the Bible a revelation? It was not the grappling of a mind like Voltaire, or Hume, with mighty mysteries. It was a simple school-girl struggling with just such doubts as will enter any thoughtful mind if left unguarded by prayer. The closet which had been occasionally, and then often, neglected, was at last almost entirely abandoned, and prayer seemed like mockery. She became wretched and miserable. “Without God and without hope,” not knowing whither to turn, yearning at times like the prodigal son, to return to Him in whom she had trusted in her earlier years, but holding herself back with the cry, “My reason, my reason, must be convinced.” But God did not leave her entirely, and at last, in the spirit of the prodigal, she said, “I have fed long enough on these husks of skepticism. They leave me more empty than they found me. In my Father’s house there is bread enough, and to spare. I will arise and go unto my Father.” Then came repentance and a realization of the great sin she had committed in doubting God and his word. The Bible was full of meaning—God was real. How came this? There was no new train of reasoning presented, nothing but what she had known from the first. The will had been submitted. “I will believe. I will open my heart to what God would teach me through his word and works.” How many times do we hesitate, and sometimes think it is because reason is not convinced, when really it is because we will not believe. We repeat to our hearts, “I cannot see it so,” till we think we are really honest doubters, when if we would but examine ourselves candidly and prayerfully we should see that we were already convinced, and all that remained was to lay aside prejudice and acknowledge it. Some of us are disposed to adhere to our own views simply to prove our independence and show that we cannot be influenced by every wind that blows, and refuse to acknowledge our convictions even to our own hearts. Some of us see sacrifices in the way which we hesitate to make, and so try to convince ourselves that we are not sure that it is the right way. How seldom we are ready to say, “I would gladly believe it, but cannot.” How often if we knew ourselves would we find the feeling in our hearts, “I do not like to believe it, and will not try to.” I judge no one. Honest doubts will rise, and must be candidly met; but if Satan can deceive souls in this way, he will set this snare as quickly as any other. Our own hearts are so deceitful that we do well to take heed to ourselves lest willful unbelief exist in us under the cloak of honest doubt. When a question comes to us demanding an answer, let us seek the closet, the word, and the testimony. We shall not be deceived. If we cry after knowledge and seek for it as for hid treasure, we are sure that we shall “understand righteousness and judgment and equity, yea, every good path.” Prov. 2:9. But if there be in any of us an evil heart of unbelief leading us to depart from the living God, though it be ever so little, what will be the result? Little by little, we go further on rejecting more and more light till the light that is in us becomes darkness, a darkness which will not be penetrated till the clear light of the day of God shall expose our refuge of lies and unbelief. The Revelator tells us the fate of such: “But the fearful and unbelieving, ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone, which is the second death. Rev. 21:8.” E. H. W.