BENIGNE VALE by Benigne Vale

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Dec 12, 1907

BENIGNE VALE

By Benigne Vale

Scolding

BENIGNE VALE

Even in Christian homes, scolding is too often an unpleasant and sinful habit, mingling the bitter with the sweet. The cause for justification is imaginary, for the Lord, through Paul, has said: “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” Rom. 12:21. Jesus knew temptations would arise, and therefore he has provided for us an armor in the day of battle with trials. This habit is often seen in the father or mother, and is usually caused by an overtaxed mind or body, or both. The cause should be removed, and greater care exercised in dealing with objects or themes which irritate. Strength to overcome this habit must come from the throne of grace.

A mother came into the house, and found her two boys (who desired to do right, but were overpowered by temptation) quarreling. She began singing a familiar hymn. The effect was magical. But little time elapsed before both boys joined in singing. How much better than to have scolded them! That was overcoming evil with good. Directing the mind to better things is a fruitful way of breaking up quarreling among children. Keeping them busy is another; but they should not be overtaxed, as that makes them irritable as easily as it does older people.

Scolding is a power exercised for evil, although the intent may be good. The good is nearly, if not wholly, lost, by the spirit which causes the unhappy tone of voice, and the hard and useless words of impatience. Scolding is an open acknowledgment of a lack of self-control, be the cause what it may.

I well remember an instance in my girlhood days of a father, two children, and myself walking to their home from the near-by village. The boy needed a pair of shoes, and said something about it to the father, who began enumerating the cost, wear, and tear, in a scolding tone, and kept it up till the boy made a longer distance between himself and his father, and I felt like doing the same. The shoes were doubtless purchased; as he was not unable to buy them. But the incident made a lasting impression on my mind. How much better is the course of the parent who takes real pleasure in providing for the needs of his children, and shares their joy in newly bought clothing.

Children will soon learn to look forward to the time when they can earn the money to buy their clothing, and not have to be scolded about it. Sorry situation! When the children are all gone, some one will have regrets, with plenty of time to think about them. On the other hand, children should be patiently taught to take care of their clothing, mend and keep it clean, but not by such stern and rigid means as to drive them from, instead of to, the lesson intended to be taught.

Children are usually easy to be appealed to when led in the right manner; and what is better missionary work than home missionary work? We can not know which one of our dealings with our children may be sealing their eternal destiny. Who can afford lightly to consider these practical things of life when we know how much of the destiny of our children is wrapped up in the influences and training of the home? Very many young people drift away from God because their homes were not what they should be. Some faithful ones survive through all, and live bright Christian lives. These are jewels in God’s building.

The most vivid memories of childhood and youth are the most pleasant and unpleasant incidents, and these often make or mar the whole life. Early impressions can not be wholly erased, and are always potent for good or ill. The cause for irritation of spirit will not cease till Jesus comes; and if we would live with the heavenly beings, a victory over this fault must be attained here. We must bring heaven into our lives and homes; then we can not fail to lead others to Jesus. Scolding drives away affection from both companion and children. It is never right, no matter what the cause may be. It only makes a bad matter worse. The one irritated blames the one scolded; when, if patience were exercised, there would be no such occasion.

Where no revolting is shown, indifference or discouragement is usually the result. Happy that child or person who seeks his God for help on such occasions. “We must subdue a hasty temper, and control our words; and in this we shall gain great victories. Unless we control our words and temper, we are slaves to Satan. We are in subjection to him. He leads us captive. All jangling, and unpleasant, impatient, fretful words are an offering presented to his satanic majesty. And it is a costly offering, more costly than any sacrifice we can make for God; for it destroys the peace and happiness of whole families, destroys health, and is eventually the cause of forfeiting an eternal life of happiness.”—“Testimonies for the Church,” Vol. I, page 310. “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Col. 3:27. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Prov. 15:1. “For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” Prov. 3:12.