The Value of Civility

International Tract and Missionary Society · Oakland, California · Feb 26, 1885

The Value of Civility.

THERE would be fewer broken friendships, fewer unhappy unions and family quarrels, were it not so much the custom among intimate friends and relations to neglect the small courtesies of life, to show less and less mutual deference as they grow more and more familiar. It is the foundation of misery in marriage, and many a serious and life-long estrangement has begun, not from want of affection so much as from lack of that delicate and instinctive appreciation of the feelings of others which makes a person shrink from saying unpleasant things or finding fault, unless absolutely obliged, and in any case to avoid wounding the offender's sense of dignity or stirring up within him feelings of opposition and animosity; for although many persons profess to be above taking offense at honest censure, and even seem to court criticism, yet it must be very carefully administered not to be unpalatable. Even kind and generous actions are often so uncouthly performed as to cause the recipient more pain than pleasure, while a reproof or denial may be so sweetened by courtesy as almost to do away with any sense of mortification or disappointment. Good breeding is always inclined to form a favorable judgment, and to give others the credit of being actuated by worthy motives. It does not wish or seem to know more about people than they themselves desire should be known, but it is always prepared, when necessary, to take an interest in the affairs of others, while self is not suffered to obtrude unduly.—Sel.