The True Woman by Horace Bushnell

Seventh-day Adventist Missionary Society · Oakland, California · May 10, 1883

The True Woman.

By Horace Bushnell

You cannot be a soldier or a preacher; but I wish, in the best and truest sense, to have you become a woman. This you cannot be without great and patient cultivation of your mind; for neither man nor woman has any basis of character without intelligence. You must be able to maintain intelligent conversation; and this requires a great deal of intelligence of every sort, and the more in a woman because she must not seem to be book-wise and scientific, as men may do, but to have her fund in herself, and speak on all subjects as if she had the flavor of all knowledge in herself naturally.

But if intelligence is necessary to make a fine woman, other things are quite as necessary. Her mind and heart must be perfectly pure, as that of infancy. She must be the very expression of modesty, and without the least affectation in her manners. Here the best rule is always to feel beautifully, and she will act beautifully, of course; whereas, if she undertakes to fashion her manners by rule, or to copy others, she will surely be stiff and affected. As to her looks, she will look best if she is never conscious that she has any looks at all, provided only that she has enough beauty and refinement of feeling to clothe her person out of it; for dress itself is never happy or becoming if it is not the natural clothing of a lovely spirit. As to temper, a woman should never seem to have any. A sharp temper pricks through the garment of softness, and it seems to be only a covering of thorns—of which the observer will be duly cautious. She ought never to vent or entertain a harsh judgment of others, but to cast a mantle of sweetness and charity over all she looks upon; for harsh judgments savor of passion, and imply a kind of grossness which is unbecoming to a woman. Study contentment, look on nothing with envy; for it is half the merit of a fine woman that she can bear so much with so beautiful a spirit. The bright side of life is in her; therefore she is to make adversity and loss smile by her patience. The angel who comes down to cry peace and good-will to mortals must not fret himself because there are clouds in his way; and if his locks are wet by the rain or singed by the thunder, he will not justify the beauty of his message if he is not able still to smile and to sing.

Do nothing to excite admiration, for that is the way to excite contempt, and, what is more, to deserve it. The woman who flatters and fawns, and studies her methods to attract the admiration of others seems to ask for it, and in asking, to confess that it can be gotten only by means that are without the scale of merit. The humblest flower is never so unwise. It gives out its colors and sheds its fragrance in the air because it has the secret stores of color and fragrance in its cap, and not to please some casual observer. Above all, the fine woman must be unselfish. We demand that she shall seem to have alighted here for the world's comfort and blessing, and all the ways of selfishness are specially at variance with her beautiful errand.—From Dr. Bushnell's Letter to His Daughter.