THE HOME by Mary Wood-Allen

Pacific Press Publishing Company · Oakland, California · Apr 1, 1903

FromSigns of the Times, Vol. 29, No. 13.

THE HOME.

By Mary Wood-Allen

BY MARY WOOD-ALLEN, M. D.

Companionship.

The ideal social life should be in the home, for here there is no line of demarcation between old and young, no separation of the sexes, but all meet together in a community of interests which should insure a community of pleasures.

Young peoples' organizations have done some good in teaching the younger folks how to conduct meetings, and in giving them a certain amount of self-reliance; but they are not an unmixed good because they have made boundaries between old and young, and have set these periods of life off in distinct classes as if they were in no way connected with each other. This condition is not limited to societies, but maintains in what we call society as well.

It is a mistake to separate the old and young in social life. The old need the vivacity and enthusiasm which the young possess as a stimulus, and the young need the wisdom and experience of the older people as ballast.

In the home we find the ideal conditions, both sexes and all ages meeting on a common plane, but unless there is a sympathetic unity of feeling and of desires there will be no real companionship.

To sleep under the same roof and eat at the same table does not of necessity make people companions. We can not expect that the children will come spontaneously into sympathy with the parents. They have not had the experience necessary to do this, but the parents having been children ought to be able to sympathize with their children.

It is only by remembering their own childhood that they can come into harmonious relations with the young people in their home.

Christ's words, “Except ye become as little children ye can not enter into the kingdom of heaven,” seem to me to be applicable here. Unless you can enter into that state of mind that understands the heart of the little child you can not bring into your home life the harmony which is in itself heavenly. It seems easier for many parents to enter into the life of the little child than into the life of the growing boy or girl. The father can get down on all fours and “play bear” with the two-year-old, but does not know how to enter into the mind and heart of the boy of ten, twelve, or fourteen. Instead of making the lad feel that he knows the delights of boyhood and sympathizes with them, he stands in the boy's mind as the arbitrary power that is forever interfering with his plans of enjoyment. If he could feel the father's sympathy he would more cheerfully accept his father's decisions even when they interfere with his own wishes. Fathers and mothers should as far as possible be in the pleasures of their children of all ages, in them in spirit and interest, if not in fact.

The young people should be made to feel that home is the best place for fun, and that father and mother can laugh at their innocent pranks even if not taking part in them.

I know a family where “mother” is always a part of all the frolics. “Come on, mother, we're going to have some fun,” is always the invitation, and mother goes, approves when she can, and if she must interfere does it with a manner that makes everyone feel that her's is the best way.

“Let's have a circus in our barn,” said one boy to another. “O no, let's have it in our house; mother can help us and tell us what to do.” So the troupe of boys ran to mother and she counselled and planned and turned the “circus” into a harmless entertainment where good manners ruled and only proper language was heard. “Isn't she bully!” was the enthusiastic, if not elegant compliment of the boys.

A truer valuation of the character of companions is obtained if they are seen under the eye of father and mother. It is wonderful what a difference this makes in the judgment. “I thought he was a real nice boy until I took him home with me, then I felt that he was rude and coarse as soon as he came where mother was.”

“How different her conversation sounds to me when I know mother is hearing what she says, even tho mother makes no comment. I seem to hear through her ears and that changes things.”

The greatest safeguard for youth is that its friends shall be entertained in the home circle. Alas! too often young women receive in the home parlor young men whom the parents do not even know by sight.

An idea sometimes maintains that home is the place where one may be careless in dress or in manners. “I want to be comfortable at home,” is the excuse. But if we were brought up to personal neatness, to courtesy and careful behaviour in the home, we should feel only comfortable when conforming to these conditions. Then we should find ourselves comfortable in the best of society. I know a young woman of twenty-five who is never at ease because she was not trained to good manners in youth. She does not know how to perform an introduction easily, to leave a room gracefully, to receive a kindness courteously, altho a girl of good sense, yet, not knowing how to conduct a conversation, she always giggles when spoken to in society. She talks slang at home, consequently she has no elegant vocabulary to use in social life. She is careless of her person at home; therefore is ill at ease when “dressed up.” She can can not readily say “please” and “thank you,” or “good morning” or “good night,” for her tongue was not trained to those formulas of courtesy in youth.

Home, then, should be the center of social life, the foundation of social joys, the school of social virtues.