DISCIPLINE IN THE HOME.
By Elizabeth Polhemus
I BELIEVE in discipline, and plenty of it, applied by parents and guardians, principally to themselves. Why so?—Because the moral atmosphere which emanates from a parent's habitual state of mind is the strongest disciplinary influence brought to bear upon a child. Fathers and mothers, by constant discipline, must keep their hearts and consciences pure from self-indulgence and wrong motives, if they wish their children to be unselfish and honest. A mother must first govern her own temper if she expects her children to be sunny and sweet-tempered. Children are not permanently so much influenced by what we say to them in particular, as by the general effect of our character and conversation. “Thou shalt and shalt not” does not make character. You can govern a child by compelling him to do what you require. You can punish him if he takes your cookies, and he will not touch them. But when he is beyond your sight and authority, unless he loves honesty and hates theft, he will take cookies. We are continually criticizing people's motives, dress, etc., yet insist that our children speak kindly of their friends. They may in the presence of our guests, because it is apt to be at that time we insist upon this principle being enforced. As they go out into the world, they carry their parents' true spirit of charity with them. Fine characteristics that are laid on the outside by force are not going to be permanent. Children build their characters from within by a constant absorption from those with whom they come in contact. An example set for an occasion is of very little use. The insight of children is keen; they see beyond all disguises. It is better in the end to wear no mask in our child's presence. Social custom or our own vanity may incite us to false pretense in other company; it will not deceive our children; they are forever watching us, and, sad to say, often learn, by first loving the deceiver, to love deception. There is not a punishment invented that leads a child to reverence truth so much as having the actions and words of its parents strictly honest. If we examine closely, we shall be surprised to find in how many ways we do not have the courage to act sincerely. Have we never lost anything, or done something imprudent, indulged in some extravagance, all of which we have concealed for days, for fear we might be laughed at or reproved? Is it not cruel, is it not pitiful, that failing thus, we at the same time are punishing some wee little tot for not having courage to confess an accident? There is no evil into which children so easily and so universally fall as that of lying. Make a child understand that a lie is one of the greatest sins. Then if you find that from a lack of courage he is inclined to conceal his mishaps, be slow to punish. If when children break things, or come to grief in any way, and they confess, we never fail to impress upon their minds how glad we are that they had the courage to tell, and that nothing could happen that would grieve us so much as their deceiving us could, they will tell very few untruths. I approve of expressing deep sorrow for imprudences committed, for careless losing and breaking, but never whipping or shutting up in closets. Fear of punishment or ridicule is the foundation for most lies. Next comes the question, “How shall I discipline my children to make them unselfish?” “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye.” Everything nowadays tends toward making the parent selfish. There are great care and thought spent on methods, and the selection of nurses, kindergartens, and instructors, so that the parents may be left free to do as they choose—free to respond to the many outside calls—and thus they have very little direct contact with their children. The children of to-day are self-reliant, wonderfully accomplished and intelligent, but O, so hard! they show that the “lullaby bosom” is no more. Mothers are not brooding over their little ones in constant watchfulness and loving care. They have given up the holy trust and responsibility to strangers. But to come directly to the children. I think we foster and encourage selfishness in many ways by the use of the words “yours and mine.” I believe that where there is more than one child, it would be better for them to have all toys in common. When meals are served in the nursery, have them take turns in presiding at the table, serving all before helping themselves. From the very beginning let them help each other in all ways. If one has been made unusually happy, have a family rejoicing, if it has been only a sleigh-ride or a small gift. Foster the spirit that one child can not rejoice alone—they are one in joy and sorrow.—Elizabeth Polhemus.