MUTUAL RESPECT BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE.
It is not unusual, when women meet in a social way, writes Mrs. Henry Ward Beecher, in the Thrice A Week World, for them to speak in a half-jesting manner of the shortcomings of their husbands. One begins, and of course the others assent and corroborate her assertions, each giving her own experience. It is all done in a good-natured way, of course. They are the happiest and most cheerful company of martyrs that one could wish to see. Each wife would be ready for a battle in a moment if by her remarks any one was led to imagine that this same troublesome, inefficient husband was not as near akin to the angels as mortal could be. But it must be confessed that one who sits by and listens at a social gathering could hardly fail to decide, mentally, that husbands must at best be troublesome comforts, needing constant watchfulness, advice, or reproof. I recall a scrap that was given me entitled “Respect Due to Wives,” and which read like this:— “Do not speak of great virtues in another’s wife to remind your own of a fault.” “Do not treat your wife inattentively in company.” “Never upbraid her in the presence of another.” “Do not be stern and silent at home, but noted for your sociability elsewhere.” I thought it excellent advice, and still think so, knowing it is often greatly needed. But I see many reasons for believing that wives need these cautions quite as much as their husbands do. I have sympathy and respect for husbands, believing they are equally entitled to respect and delicacy. While it is right that husbands should take these suggestions to heart, and in all ways endeavor to augment and strengthen the happiness of the home life, should not wives listen to like suggestions and advice and endeavor to profit by them? Are we not equally blameworthy? Ah! more so, for home is our kingdom, where we may reign supreme, if we hold the scepter with a gentle hand, and with the law of love and kindness ever on our lips. I have known young people to begin life with the rich promise of perfect happiness, yet to make entire shipwreck of it all by their own unguarded words, impatient looks, and uncontrolled temper. A talent for spicy and brilliant repartee may enliven a party, give zest and interest to social intercourse, and endow its possessor with a certain position, enviable or otherwise; but in the home circle it is a dangerous gift, and, unfortunately, one more frequently possessed by the wife than by the husband. I have often recoiled, as from a blow, on hearing those who should be one in heart draw comparisons prejudicial to each other and complimentary to others. Do they remember that in marriage they take each other’s honor in keeping, to cherish or destroy, and that God has made the bond so inseparable that all honor bestowed on the one passes over and is shared by the other? All dishonor or error that disgraces the one is equally injurious to the other. There is much said about injustice to women, of her slighted feelings, of her rights ignored. The possibility of her attaining literary eminence or being in any way equal to man is scoffed at, and her efforts to elevate her sex are met with ridicule and contempt. Now, I am by no means indifferent to any work that has for its aim the elevation of woman; but I am often mortified by the very disagreeable manner manifested by some who can not speak of “women’s rights” without a tart and vixenish fling at man.10 There is much truth, I am fully aware, in what is said of man’s rough, overbearing ways. These are not at all attractive or to be excused. But by dealing honestly and impartially with ourselves we may find enough of the same qualities in our own sex to establish our claims to sisterhood, at least, if not to equality. But admitting that those are purely masculine elements, which find no response in our own character, can we not learn a way to conquer and eradicate even these characteristics in men if they prove undesirable and uncomfortable? Small blemishes in the character of husband or wife, through the imagination, or if oft repeated, begin to be thought of as serious faults that threaten much unhappiness. This is especially the case with the wife, who usually has more time to brood over them. The most certain cure will be for her to turn resolutely from all the shortcomings that begin to look like faults in her husband’s character, and take an honest inventory of her own failures or mistakes. The same rule will be a safeguard for the husband to follow. One will need no magnifying glass to find plenty of faults. Having found them, place them, honestly, side by side with what seems wrong on the other side, and I doubt if either will feel inclined to carry the investigation further. If they are fair-minded, both will rest content, and will bless the union which God has sanctioned.