PARENTAL LOVE AND PARENTAL SELFISHNESS.
By Mrs. A. C. Ames
For some time a matter which I think should come before our women has been weighing upon my mind. I am an “adopted” mother, and the remarks made by thoughtless or careless mothers often cut me to the heart, and I presume there are many other foster mothers in this same position. I love my children as dearly as ever a mother could love her own I am sure; and yet because I insist upon invariable obedience, mothers say to me: “Yes, that is all right, and is far the best for the child; but if the children were your own, you would feel differently about it. You would have such love and tenderness for them that you would let them ‘get the upper hand’ of you.” Now, be honest, sisters, is that real love that prompts a mother to allow her child to do anything which she knows is not best for it? Perhaps I am wrong, but I call it sentimentalism. What mother, seeing her child in danger of being seriously injured physically, would not insist upon putting it where it would be safe? and yet these same mothers will cry “lack of love and tender feeling” because I try to rescue the souls of my children from spiritual danger, by always insisting upon obedience. I have had to fight this “feeling of tenderness” (?) a great deal; for I would naturally rather give in myself than to see my children do it; but I will give you a bit of my own experience before I saw my true situation. A dear sister said to me: “You are doing wrong to yield to your children; and it is not love, as you suppose, but selfishness, that prompts you to do it. It hurts you to punish your child for disobedience, and so you yield to it. God will hold you responsible if you do not insist upon obedience; for if your children do not obey you, they will not regard His commands either.” It set me to thinking as I never did before, and as I studied my Bible and asked more earnestly for God’s guidance, I saw that unless I did do differently, they would be lost, and I would have to answer for it. That was a year ago, and what a change there has been since then! At first it was a severe struggle to make myself yield to what I was sure was right, and, worse yet, to be obliged to punish my children so often before they would yield to my wishes at once; but now I seldom have to punish them. I never scold them, but pleasantly tell them what I want, and they usually obey without question. Consequently, we all are much happier. They are naturally active, mischievous, and fun-loving, and both have, or did have, very violent tempers. But since we “turned over a new leaf,” they have nearly lost their ugly tempers, because, as they say, “Jesus doesn’t like to have His little girl and boy be naughty; He wants them to be good and mind their mama.” The Word tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go,” not, Train up a child in the way he wants to go. Now, I do not ask others to do as I do in training their children; but, dear sisters, do think and pray more before you accuse us “adopted” mothers of “lack of tenderness” toward our children. You do not think it is that in an own mother who insists upon obedience; you just think she is a model mother, instead. Let us hear more from the mothers on the training of children; not theoretical training, but practical, tried methods.