THOUGHTS FOR VISITORS by Mrs. B. J. Cady

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Sep 25, 1900

THOUGHTS FOR VISITORS.

By Mrs. B. J. Cady

MRS. B. J. CADY.

(Tahiti.)

LATELY we made some suggestions in regard to hospitality. But the responsibility is not all upon one side by any means. The visitor is under obligation as well as the hostess. Solomon’s advice to the latter is: “Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbor’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.” The margin renders it thus, “Let thy foot be seldom in thy neighbor’s house; lest he be full of thee, and so hate thee.” This advice is not meant for those who, of necessity, are dependent upon the hospitality of others; but it is for those who go to extremes in visiting their neighbors. There are persons who seldom seem to be busy at home, but who have plenty of time to run around the neighborhood. Their neighbor may be very busy, and unwilling to leave her work and sit down simply to talk of worldly matters for an hour at a time, yet this visitor thoughtlessly intrudes. If she regards her work so important that she can not neglect it, and excuses herself, the caller is liable to take offense.

A woman who is in the midst of a washing, or preparing a meal that must be ready at a certain hour, can not conveniently leave her work. “Yes, but I tell her to keep right on with her work, and I will sit in the kitchen and visit with her.” This would suit some housekeepers very well; but there are those who have large families to care for, and who must superintend the work of others, besides working themselves. Such are often unable to talk and at the same time properly carry on their work; for the conversation distracts their minds, thus hindering them much in their work. All callers should be a little sensitive, and quick to understand the circumstances under which they find their hostess, and know enough to shorten their call or visit, if they see that it is interfering with her work or comfort.

He who never knows when to go is in great danger of making himself unwelcome. Perhaps his own home is next door, so he refuses an invitation to stay to dinner; yet he talks with the head of the house over some pet project until long past the dinner hour, keeping the family waiting for their dinner, and also his own family waiting for him at home. When he visits his friends in the evening, he never seems to get sleepy; but when one remarks upon the lateness of the hour, he suggests that “it never is late till morning.” If his host finds other hints of no avail, and finally gets up and winds the clock, then perhaps he takes offense and goes home.

Some have but little leisure for reading during the week, and when Friday evening comes, expect a pleasant time reading and studying the Sabbath-school lesson. But, behold! a Christian neighbor chooses that time to visit, and as he does not care to study the Sabbath-school lesson, and prefers to talk instead of read, their plans are thwarted. They feel disappointed and dissatisfied with the way in which the evening is spent. Knowing that we ourselves often like to read and study during the Sabbath, we should avoid visiting and troubling others unnecessarily upon that day.

If you are a guest in a family for any length of time, do all you can to lighten the cares of your host and hostess. The woman of the house may be told not to go to any extra trouble for you, but do not suppose that she will or can obey. The presence of visitors always adds to the housework; for, naturally, the hostess wishes her visitors to enjoy both her cooking and their stay with her. She knows, and has helped to cultivate, the tastes of her own family, but not those of her visitors. In order to please them she feels that she must take extra pains with the cooking, and have an unusual variety of food, so that they will surely be able to find enough to gratify their appetites. Besides the cooking, there are many little extra things for her to do, because of the increased number in her family. Then, too, she must entertain her visitors, and that leaves her less time for the actual work of the house.

There are many little things that the guest can do to help. Even men can make up their own beds, hang up their clothes, and tidy their room. I have known them to do it, and have also noticed how much it pleased their hostess. Women and girls can wash dishes, sweep, and help about the cooking, and can help even with washing, ironing, and mopping, if circumstances make it convenient for them to do so; or perhaps they can be of more assistance if they do the sewing and mending. There is such a variety of work in any household that a guest can always find plenty of ways to be useful. If you simply ask for something that you can do to help, many women are too modest to grant your request. So, in most cases, you will need to urge the matter. Even then some women who really would very much like your help will still refuse to assign you your work. You must notice for yourself what needs to be done; and when you see something you can do, do it. Always try to do it well, for some women would rather overtax their strength that their work may be done well than to see it carelessly performed. And it is always our duty, when in the homes of others, to do the work to please them. Even a little task, if well done, is appreciated.

Besides this, one should not make the hostess any more extra work than necessary. She should not be expected to prepare an extra meal each day, because the visitor fancies that he can not eat with the family, at the regular hour. Provided one is strictly temperate in his habits of eating, he can change the hour without suffering inconvenience. As visitors, we should not ask our host and hostess to make any unnecessary sacrifice for our sakes.

It is very annoying to have guests act as if nothing were quite good enough for them; for surely one should always feel truly grateful for hospitality, even if things are more comfortable at home. Careless persons, who spill water on the furniture and carpet, and thoughtlessly break or otherwise injure articles highly prized by the owner, are not welcome in any home. Clothing, books, etc., should not be left lying around in a disorderly fashion, and furniture and other household articles should always be replaced after using. Shoes should be well cleaned upon entering the house, so as not to track in dirt upon the floor. Women are often annoyed by the thoughtlessness of visitors who seem to think that it does n’t matter how much disorder and dirt they make, since they need not clean it up themselves.

The children are quick observers, and notice every action and word. The next time they are reproved, the answer is liable to be, “Well, Mr. — does so, and I don’t see why I can’t.”

When others are kind enough to open their homes to us, and cheerfully receive us into the family circle, we ought to appreciate the favor, and try to make our stay with them a mutual blessing. Unless positively necessary, we should never intrude where we are unwelcome, nor force ourselves upon those who already have as many as they can properly entertain.