The Humble Remonstrance of Saturday
To say the very least, we were amused and pleased by reading an article in the Sabbath Memorial for July, published at London, England, under the caption, The Humble Remonstrance of Saturday. Well-instructed Sabbatarians after passing Mr. Punch, Mr. Spectator, Who, Which, and That, better understood at London, will see some fine points in the remonstrance, which the casual reader may not. Here is the article:— Mr. PUNCH: When Who, and Which made their celebrated complaint to your great ancestor, Mr. SPECTATOR, against That he was candid and courteous enough to hear both sides, and so let That speak for himself. Now, what I wish, is to be allowed simply to speak for myself; for I am unfortunately reduced to the condition of such a miserable drudge, that I am scarcely ever permitted to hold up my head and look about me as cheerfully as any other day of the week. All this, alas! dear sir, has been brought upon me by that upstart, whose “self-assertion” you have lately admitted into your pages. When I look back upon the early history of my life, I remember how I was born and nursed in paradise; and though last, I was not the least of all the seven brothers and sisters that then composed a happy family. I maintained an honorable position in society, beloved and respected above all my brothers and sisters, for more than two-thirds of my life, till at last my eldest brother, “Sunday,” pretended that there was an alteration made in our family settlement; and without ever producing any new deed in proof of his rival claims, he ventured to usurp all my inheritance, notwithstanding that the original deed remains enrolled in the most ancient record in the world, and the enrollment has never been cancelled or vacated. I have often demanded a fair hearing, but am so browbeaten by my brother and his adherents, that I should be driven to utter despair were it not that I have an office copy of my title deed and a few friends remaining who know the justice of my claim; and by their undiminished regard show that they are not ashamed of me in my present reduced condition. Indeed, sir, all this pother about the post-office would have been settled without difficulty if my brother could have produced (which I know he can’t) such an authentic document as might prove him, beyond all dispute, to be what I truly am, namely, the Patriarchal, the Jewish, and the Christian Sabbath.