COURTESY

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Aug 2, 1877

Courtesy is a Christian duty, as well as prayer. The perfect Christian is a perfect gentleman, and will not only render himself useful, but also agreeable. It is a high commendation to say that a man is honest, but honesty does not comprise all the excellences of Christian character. We often see honesty, and vulgarity of manner, coarseness of language, and rough demeanor, existing in the same person, and certainly the manners of a boor by no means add to the attractiveness of honesty. Good manners are an element of usefulness as really as good principles, and should be as carefully cultivated.

Some pride themselves in being blunt, and reckless of the feelings and tastes of others, and call it honest-heartedness, plainness of speech, frankness, etc.; but their forms of speech deserve no such names of flattery; they are no more honest, frank and plain than the perfect gentleman; their names are far more indicative of ill breeding and coarseness of nature than of honesty, or unusual frankness. And yet how common it is for some persons to be reckless of the feelings, opinions and tastes of others; to rush over them in word and deed, with the inconsideration of a battle-horse, offend every sentiment of refined and gentlemanly accomplishment, and then complacently pretend that they have done it all from an impulse of honesty and open-heartedness superior to others. A most unreasonable and untruthful plea. Superior honesty! Far from it. Such persons usually excel only in coarseness, and recklessness of others’ comfort. Even when they wish to speak kindly, they often choose the style of the rowdy, and employ abusive terms in jest. And when they rebuke wrong, or express their disapprobation, their words are vinegar and gall. No forms of speech are too harsh, no tones of voice too denunciatory and bitter; they are not satisfied unless they rasp, and saw to the very quick; and they ring the changes upon biting epithets with a relish, and then claim that this is all an evidence of superior honesty. Strange pretensions! Much of the strife and difficulty that occur in churches, and that prevent a loving union among believers, results from such severity and coarseness of remark. Every corner and lane of social life is often made rough, unpleasant, and the brotherhood kept constantly chafed, fretted and wounded by these boorish manners. There never can be any fusion, mellow, genial unity, where such things are indulged.

The true Christian rule is to choose kind words, to study not to wound the feelings of others, to avoid even giving offense to the weak, and ignorant, and prejudiced, and strive to impart good cheer and comfort to all around us. Such a course involves no loss of dignity, honesty, frankness, nor fidelity; but it does involve a high state of religious culture, a refinement and ripeness of benevolence to which all have not yet attained. We can all of us call to mind those who treat every person with whom they meet so kindly that all is agreeable, easy, home-like, around them. They shed a genial happiness wherever they go, and seem instinctively to read the feelings, weaknesses, wants, of those around them, and to say and do just the thing that will afford pleasure. And we can also call to mind those who are forever chafing, rasping, wounding, the sensibilities of their associates. They are like certain flies, that are always annoying, and are especially keen in watching the most sensitive points, and irritating every tender wound.

Now some are constitutionally coarse and blundering; some are appreciative and kind. But culture is the grand means of refining. The roughest stone from the ledge can be hewed, hammered and chiseled until it wears a smooth and beautiful polish. And Christianity is designed to polish the rough characters which yield to it, and render them courteous, agreeable, kind. But this work demands effort, study, attention. He that is careless about his words or manners will never improve. Much less will he who prides himself in his vulgarity, and is disposed to justify his coarseness by the plea of superior honesty. But he who resolves to say no unkind thing, to avoid every act that will be likely to give offense, or wound the feelings; who speaks as softly and charitably of the faults of others as truth and duty will allow; who never employs harsh and cutting words to give emphasis to a sentence, or to gratify excited passions; who studies to be honest; who prefers to suffer in his own feelings rather than wound the feelings of others; who strives to allay irritation and make peace by the use of soft words and kind demeanor, such a one will grow, and ripen in the qualities of a Christian gentleman, and will very soon learn that there is a vast amount of religion in courtesy, as well as in prayer. No Christian should consider himself more than a novice in the cause, who has not gained such a control over his passions, and whose heart is not so full of kindness, that he is found to be agreeable in his family, in the church, and in the social circle.—Morning Star.