Nine Ways for Boys to Suicide

International Tract and Missionary Society · Oakland, California · Dec 23, 1886

Nine Ways for Boys to Suicide.

WEAR fashionable, tight, thin-soled boots.
Wear a snug-fitting waist-coat or corset.
Keep late hours, sleep in poorly ventilated rooms, drink strong tea and coffee, and use beer and wine freely.
Sleep on feathers, and neglect bathing and exercise.
Eat rich food whenever you desire it, and supply the stomach with plenty of candy and nuts between meals.
Smoke several cigars a day, and chew half a pound of fine-cut each week.
Be moderately "fast." Even then you can reach the insane asylum before you are fifty.
Marry a fashionable girl with more bangs on her forehead than brains beneath them.
Employ a traveling quack or specialist to patch up your fagged-out, much-abused bodies. They charge more than intelligent men who have made men and medicine a study—but you are rather desirous to be swindled, and can reach your object in no surer way.—Fire and Hammer.