"RIGHT AND WRONG PUNISHMENTS."
By Mrs. C. C. Lewis
THIS is the title of a chapter in "Study of Child Nature," by Elizabeth Harrison, from which I shall quote liberally in this paper. Some people punish their children not so much to correct them as to relieve their own overwrought feelings. There are times when punishment is really necessary, but how carefully should it be administered. A child may be reproved in such a way as to stir up more rebellion and stubbornness than can be counteracted. Often, I am compelled to say, the child's indignation at the parent's treatment is just. Amos S. Cheseborough, in the March number of the New Englander and Yale Review, thus forcibly writes:— "How disastrous the mistake that Christian nurture consists mainly in commands framed in language, and prohibitions enforced by punishment! These, at the best, make up only the smallest fraction of a gospel. Usually they are sham gospel. The gospel of personal character—the gospel of the temper, of the tones of the voice, of the facial expression, of the hands, and of the bodily movements—this is the gospel which infancy can interpret. This is God's selected ordinance, and through his grace is exactly adapted to counteract the Adamic depravity, and to repair its damage, and so to train the child's faculties that they shall unfold themselves according to God's design. Before the nature of faith and love can be explained in words, the heart can take in their meaning from the life. 'He that ruleth his own spirit is greater than he that taketh a city.' And in no place in life is it more necessary that we control ourselves than in the management and discipline of our children. I know of families where, if a child must be punished, the parent first has a talk with him. He is assured of the parent's love, and of the pain it costs to inflict punishment. Then, after a few words of earnest prayer, the punishment is given. How much more salutary is such treatment as this upon a wayward child than in an excited manner, and with harsh tone, to shut him up in a dark closet, or to give him an impatient box upon the ear." It takes much time and careful thought to know just when and how much we should punish a child. There is very little intelligent studying of the effect of punishment of different kinds and of different degrees of severity upon the child's character. Instead, the nature of the punishment often depends upon the parent's whim, and its severity upon the degree of the parent's impatience. Sometimes I think children suffer more from unjust punishment than from that which they really deserve. Suppose we all keep strict watch for a few weeks, and see who is most to blame, the children or ourselves. When shall we punish? Not in haste, before we have examined the case from every side. It is so easy for us, when we are tired or nervous or hurried, and a child annoys us by some act of lawlessness or disobedience, to shut him up, or perhaps whip him. It should be made so solemn, so serious a matter that he will feel the justice of the act. It is not a good plan to punish at night. Children need good rest, and if we send them to bed with troubled feelings, they are deprived of peaceful slumber. All the sorrows of the day should be soothed, and the little wounded hearts comforted, and reassured of their parent's unchanging love. What kind of deeds should be punished? Children often have accidents. They break a goblet, tear a dress, soil a garment. Shall we punish for these?—That depends on the circumstances attending the disaster. If at the breakfast table Willie drops his glass and spills his milk, do not make him feel that he has committed an unpardonable sin. Doubtless he feels the humiliation as keenly as you do. Say as little about it at the time as possible. Show him that you sympathize with him. Treat him as you would like to be treated yourself under similar circumstances. (Have we not all had such experiences?) After the meal is over, have a little confidential chat with him. Find out how it happened. Show him how much trouble it caused you. Teach him how to guard against such an accident in the future. Thus you will save his self-respect, and will bind him closer to you. Nor will he be so apt to break another glass as if you had sent him away from the table without his breakfast. Let us be firm and faithful in our work of governing our children. Their future success or failure in life—nay, their future beyond this life—depends largely on how we train them in their youth. Children should early learn "that no sin or wrongdoing can be committed that does not bring its own punishment." This is Nature's law. If we disobey her, sooner or later we shall suffer the consequences. Can we not learn a lesson from this fact? We punish too arbitrarily. Let the child suffer the consequences of his wrongdoing, and he will soon learn the lesson. Miss Harrison says: "The more we let the deed do its own punishing, the more impersonal our own part in the affair, the sooner does the child learn the lesson. "Let me illustrate again: One morning we had a box of sticks upon the table. A restless, nervous little girl sat near it, and in a moment or two put her hand into the box; as it was near the edge of the table, I cautioned her concerning it. Soon the little hand went in again; the box tilted, slipped, and fell upon the floor, while the sticks were scattered in a hundred different directions. The child looked up in a startled manner. 'What a time our little girl will have picking her sticks up!' I said in a matter-of-course tone; 'but I think you can get through in time for the play circle. Alvin, please move your chair so that she can get the sticks which are under it.' In a moment the child was on her knees, rapidly picking up the scattered sticks without a word of objection or murmur. Had I censured her, or imposed some arbitrary punishment upon her, I should in all probability have created a spirit of rebellion, and have alienated her from me, as she was a capricious and somewhat self-willed child. As it was, she had upset the box, and as a consequence she must pick up the sticks. I have rarely ever failed in leading a child to see the justice of such commands. In fact, in a short time they usually take upon themselves the rectifying of the mistake or misdeed as best they can."—College View Enterprise.