TEACHING SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS.
By Dr. Mary Wood Allen
Was it not Emerson who said that the knowledge of being well dressed gives a woman a certain feeling of serenity which even religion does not bestow? This rather extreme statement has in it much of truth. The knowledge that her dress is all that it should be relieves her of the feeling of self-consciousness that is so destructive of peace of mind. It is not so much the woman whose costume is au fait that is self-conscious as she who herself knows why "her feather goes far round her bonnet," or "the reason for always holding her left arm fast against her side when she went abroad in her black jacket." "If I can forget myself altogether, I always have a good time," was the statement of a young girl who was getting her first experience of social life. She had found one secret of true enjoyment,—the forgetfulness of self. Self-conscious people are so either through vanity or through self-deprecation. A self-conscious public speaker can never win his audience as he could if he lost sight of himself in his subject. If he thinks too meanly of himself, he seems in a manner to apologize for his presence as a speaker, and lessens his own value in the minds of his hearers; if he thinks too highly of himself, he awakens a sense of criticism that is unfavorable to a reception of his thought. I know a minister, sweet in spirit and honest in purpose, whose influence is greatly diminished by his self-consciousness. When he comes into the pulpit, his attitude and bearing seem to say, "Look at me. Do I not carry myself well?" and he begins the benediction with a gesture that might be interpreted as, "Allow me to present to you." The self-conscious person does not know what to do with hands or feet or eyes, cannot walk naturally, is never at ease, and therefore puts other people in a state of discomfort. No doubt we who are parents are desirous that our children should be happy, should be easy in manner, and unconscious of self; and yet we often, unintentionally of course, train them into the most intense self-consciousness. The child that is taught to "show off" before company is being made vainly self-conscious, and perhaps exceedingly disagreeable. Comments in the hearing of children in regard to their "smartness" often develop very unpleasant traits. Not long since I was a guest in a home where was a boy of ten, who was introduced to me as "our little mathematician." The child at once put on a sullen and offended look, and made no response to the introduction. During the meal the fond father dilated on his son's ability, and the boy grew more and more restless. When the father offered to show me some of the lad's work, he muttered, "I'll tear it up." "No you won't," said the father; "I wouldn't take two dollars for it." The father's motive was681good, but his method was bad; and as I observed its results, I could see that the boy was becoming so conscious of self that he was constantly unhappy. As yet, the praise had irritated him; later, I have no doubt, it will make him vain. A timid, shrinking little girl was made so conscious of her looks that the meeting of strangers almost made her ill. Daily comments were made on her "shovel teeth" and "peeled onion eyes," until in desperation she veiled her face whenever she went out, and always sought to sit in the shadow when making or receiving calls, and shrank with real pain if a pair of observing eyes were fixed upon her, feeling sure that they were taking account of her blemishes. Constant fault-finding will either result in awkwardness or in an arrogant, defiant manner, both of which are expressions of self-consciousness. Children may be made conscious of their personal appearance either by repeated prohibitions in regard to amusements that might soil or tear their clothing, or by the continual calling of their thoughts to the subject of dress by the lavish expenditure of time and money upon elegant garments to adorn their little bodies. There is something pathetic in the child who stops to consider her clothing when the question is one of child-like amusements. There is something pitiful when a young girl refuses to go to a party because she has not a new dress. In both cases self-consciousness has been developed until natural instincts of sociality have yielded to vanity. To the thoughtful parent the subject will present many phases not mentioned in this article, and indeed that will be the best evidence of its value if it prove suggestive beyond its own definite limits.—Dr. Mary Wood Allen.