"SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE."
By Helen A. Steinhauer
SOMEONE has aptly said: "It is a bad plan to make friends with a sarcastic man; it is like trying to shave with a bad razor,—you never know when you are going to get the next cut." And, doubtless, not merely my own heart but the hearts of many other learners in the school of Christ, who are striving to be like him, have been pained by the vein of sarcasm which occasionally crops out in some of the best articles of our best writers on religious subjects. From an intellectual standpoint we may, indeed, enjoy them, for they are ably written, but the tender spirit of Christ cannot approve of them; and it is a question in my mind whether this objectionable feature does not neutralize the good which they might otherwise do. As the old proverb hath it, 'Flies are not caught by vinegar,' and, just as truly, sarcasm never wins. It may, indeed, set forth facts with sharp distinctness, as when Job said, "Doubtless ye are the people," etc., but it does not soften the heart, as when our Saviour, with tear-wet eyes, exclaimed, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, . . . how often would I have gathered thy children together!" etc. If we would exemplify Christ in our words and lives, we must have more of his melting Spirit. Sharp, cutting sarcasm may serve a purpose in the speeches of a political campaign, but when the cause of Christ is concerned, it certainly is out of place, for it never wounds to heal, its bitter is never bitter-sweet, nor is it at all likely to bring forth "the peaceable fruits of righteousness." Even in everyday life sarcasm is a most undesirable gift. The sarcastic man is feared—possibly admired, but if he is loved it is notwithstanding the quality, never because of it. I have in mind an entire family that, with one exception, are noted for their skillful use of this verbal weapon; and, although in many respects most estimable people, their cruel, reckless tongues cause them to be held in honest dread by all with whom they come in contact. Surely then we who are Christians—"ambassadors for Christ"—should eschew sarcastic speech. Let us not refrain from declaring the whole council of God; but let us see to it that we ever "speak the truth in love," as then, and then only, shall we "grow up unto Him in all things, which is the Head, even Christ." "First-class advice for preachers and writers," I hear some of my readers remark, "but it does not touch us who are farmers, merchants, and business men generally," while a harsh, rasping voice adds, "As for me, sarcasm is not in my line; I say what I mean, and mean what I say, every time; and my employes know it." But is it said gently and kindly, my friend? Are you patient, and forbearing, withal, tempering justice with mercy? If not, I fear that you come short of "speaking the truth in love." To every one of us does the admonition apply,—to the farmer with his "hired men," the storekeeper with his clerks, the master builder with his workmen, the teacher with his (or her) pupils; yea, and to heads of families in their homes. Let us all not merely uniformly speak the truth, but "speak it in love," doing as we fain would be done by were our positions reversed, and so fulfil the law of Christ, for "love is the fulfilling of the law." Father, how much love rang out in the tones of your voice as you rebuked James last night for his late hours? Mother, will your fretful chiding of your little daughter this morning for neglected household tasks win her to more faithful observance of them in future? Doubtless in both cases the truth was spoken, but not lovingly. This injunction covers much. Is it possible that you, O husband, ever find fault with and criticise your wife (the woman whom you chose among all the women in the world, promising to love and cherish her) in the presence of strangers or before her children, weakening the respect and confidence which it should be your constant aim to deepen and to strengthen? God forgive you for this thoughtless act. It may, indeed, as one man said in self-extenuation, be "every word true," but to say it then and there was not "speaking it in love," as you owe it her to do.168How about the solitary one, set, perhaps, in a family where natural affection does not seal her lips, the single woman, on whom everyone lays claim, because, forsooth, she has "only herself to look after," yet who may by virtue of the fact have a wider sphere of influence than the women whose arms are filled with babies of their own? The wise man has said, "He that refraineth his lips is wise," and, "Be not witness against thy neighbor without cause," for "in the multitude of words there wanteth not sin." Do you, therefore, carefully refrain from spreading the discreditable facts or items of personal history which come to your knowledge as you pass behind the many doors which open to admit you, on one errand or another? Loving silence is often the counterpart of speaking the truth in love, for it is not necessary always to tell all that we know; but if facts must be mentioned, do you "speak of them in love"? Boys and girls, young people, as you chat with each other in social gatherings, as you meet upon the street, or in cozy nooks at home, are your words always true, and spoken with tender feelings toward the absent? "Love worketh no ill to his neighbor," "thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things [that are good], hopeth all things, endureth all things," "suffereth long and is kind." Therefore speech seasoned with "love" precludes thoughtless or ill-natured gossip. Friends, young and old, let us, one and all, make a point of never speaking ill as long as we can find anything good of which to speak. And so we shall be found "speaking the truth in love."