The Father, His Burdens and Rights by Mary Alice Hare Loper, M.S.

Pacific Press Publishing Association · Mountain View, California · May 28, 1912

FromSigns of the Times, Vol. 39, No. 21.

The Father, His Burdens and Rights

By Mary Alice Hare Loper, M.S.

IN the beginning, God placed the man at the head of the household; and the woman to-day who rightly appreciates her husband, is only too glad to have him occupy this position of responsibility. It is a sad fact that there are fathers and mothers who are not successful in filling properly the position which they occupy, so that one parent seems compelled from force of circumstances to do work which rightfully belongs to the other. But such was not the design of the Creator.

The young man who desires a wife, but is making no plans to support her, and the young woman who desires to get married, but is unwilling to become "a help meet for her husband," would better postpone indefinitely any thought of marriage; for when one seeks to change the divine plan in any particular, it never works well, and is sure to bring disappointment in the end.

The husband and father is the one upon whom rests heavily the burden of providing for the necessities of the household. It is he who must wrestle with financial problems in a way to reach the measure of success which duty demands, that the family may not only be provided for, but that they may have the wherewith to be a greater blessing to others. In the divine plan, the father has placed upon him not only the burden of supplying his family's temporal needs, but he is also the priest of the household, looking after the spiritual interests as well, and together with the mother directing the young minds under their care to follow the upward trend of life.

Children, as a rule, little realize the weight of the parental burdens of the home; and how often they underestimate their obligations to love, obey, and coöperate with those who perhaps toil early and late for their sustenance and enjoyment! The father and the mother are so to love and honor each other as to be a unit in the government of the home, and are to be equally respected and obeyed. The mother is not to prejudice the minds of the children against the father, nor the father against the mother, but they are to encourage them to cultivate that love and respect which are due those who stand at the head of the household. The woman who stoops to gossip to others about her husband, needs a reformation in her own heart, and is sowing seeds of discord from which soon or later she will reap a harvest of regrets.

Much has been said and written concerning the rights of wives, mothers, and daughters. But how little is heard about the rights of husbands, fathers, and sons! And yet there are even commonplace rights of which many a husband is deprived, which renders his life uncomfortable and unhappy. Some women have formed the habit of being untidy, and behind time with meals, bestowing little thought or care upon them unless company is expected. The man who usually comes from his labor to find his home very disorderly, and that he must cook his own meal if he is to have anything warm and palatable, is to be pitied, when there is no valid excuse for such a reception. The wife who wilfully refuses to recognize her obligations to her husband in this respect, should be placed in the same catalog with the man who fails to provide.

Then there is the laundry to be looked after from week to week, to see that missing buttons are replaced, mending done, socks darned, etc. Actual experience has fully demonstrated that the home Dorcas society is about as important as the one in connection with the church. It is wonderful how a few drops of the oil of thoughtfulness applied at the right time to the wheels of domestic machinery, will lubricate them so that everything will go off smoothly, without friction.

There are many forms of oppression, many degrees of tyranny, in our world; but such a spirit should never be encouraged anywhere, for its source is evil and only evil. The household ruled by tyranny is in a constant state of rebellion—it has as many forms of government as it has members; and whether or not a measure is carried out is a mere matter as to who is strongest. The dog that cowers every time he comes near a human being, is accustomed to blows at home. The man, woman, or child whose whole attention bespeaks discouragement, who scarcely dares lay claim to life itself, is the victim of harsh treatment in the home—it may be a professed Christian home!

It is not necessary that one's lips should become polluted with strong drink, that one should use tobacco, gamble, or swear, in order to become an oppressor in the home. Tyranny in various degrees may be exercised even by wives, mothers, and children. But it is better to cultivate the sweet and gentle spirit of forbearance, patience, and loving-kindness; to have the atmosphere of home laden with the perfume of flowers of kindly appreciation and loving ministrations.

The father should not be considered as a mere family mint, for the furnishing of funds, without receiving in return the coveted interest in the way of desired coöperation and consideration on the part of the other members of the household. He should not be compelled to tread an unsatisfactory pathway through life, being deprived of joys which rightfully belong to him. The father should be taken whole-heartedly into the counsels of wife and children. His likes and dislikes should have place with theirs in the family arrangements. In the social affairs of the home he should not be a mere figurehead, but should be accorded the respect that is due to the head of the household.

The true father, like Abraham of old, seeks to "command his children and his household after him," but he rules in love. There is an art in knowing how to rule so as to be implicitly and lovingly obeyed. There is an art in knowing how to give pleasure to others so unconsciously as not to reveal that it involves a sacrifice. Self always recognizes sacrifice; love does not consider it. When self dies, love rejoices; for only love can rejoice over the burial of self.

Where is the father who experiences a husband's love and devotion, a father's pride and joy, who believes implicitly that "if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel,"—where is the father whose heart is filled with affection for his family, and receives in return a family's appreciation, who ever stops to think of the sacrifice which each joy owes him? It is the sacrifice which brings the joy, but it is the joy which he loves to consider. Such a father lends his influence to the upbuilding of the home, and to the furthering of the best interests of those connected with it.

The man who goes out from such a home to meet the world day by day, assured that the loving affection of wife and children is with him constantly, has a sunshine in his soul which no toil can diminish, no reverse can obscure. It pays to grant to the father of the home this deserved experience.

Boys and girls, learn to appreciate your father while he is with you. Be swift to do his bidding. Anticipate his wants, and minister to his needs before he asks you. Always be respectful, remembering that he will appreciate your kindness far more than he may be able to express. Never forget your obligations to add to his happiness and lighten his burdens. And as the snows of years fall softly, and the steps become feeble with age, make it your studied aim to be kind, to be generous, to be thoughtful, in a way that will fill his soul with joy, and cast a radiant halo of affection over the evening-time of life.

"Be kind to thy father, for when thou wert young, Who loved thee more fondly than he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thine innocent glee. Be kind to thy father, for now he is old, His locks intermingled with gray. His footsteps are feeble, once fearless and bold; Thy father is passing away."