THE BUILDING OF A HOME by J. R. Miller

Pacific Press Publishing Company · Oakland, Cal., Kansas City, and New York · Nov 29, 1899

FromSigns of the Times, Vol. 25, Nos. 48, 49.

THE BUILDING OF A HOME

By J. R. Miller

By J. R. Miller, D.D., Author of "Home-Making," "Silent Times," etc.

It is not the house that is the real home. There may be a palace and yet in it no life of love. There may be a little thatched cottage, and in it a bit of heaven. It is well to make the house beautiful and fill it with lovely things, but it is better to make the household life within one of love and joy.

Every member of the household has a share in the building of the home and a responsibility for the enriching of its life. One instrument that fails to do its part mars the music of an orchestra. One discordant life in a family makes the music of love in the home less sweet.

Really the making of the home begins before the home is set up—it begins when two agree to unite their lives in marriage. The marriage ceremony does not necessarily ordain happiness. There are lives wedded which never blend. Marriage should not be entered upon hastily, heedlessly, but always reverently, discreetly, prayerfully.

When the marriage tie has been formed, each has a sacred part to perform in making the home one of happiness, of love, of blessing. The husband has a share. Not every man who assumes this relation thinks of the responsibility he accepts when he takes a young girl away from the shelter of parents' love, the warmest, softest nest in the world, and leads her into a new home, where henceforth his love is to be her only shelter. No man is fit to be a husband who is not a good man. He need not be great, nor rich, nor brilliant, nor clever, but he must be good. His love must be so true that it will not fail in any experience, and will continue strong as ever when both have grown old; and it must be so warm and tender that it will never weary in its thoughtfulness and kindness. The love a true woman's heart craves is gentle as well as strong, affectionate as well as true.

"I pray you think That love will starve if it is not fed— That true hearts pray for their daily bread."

Home is a woman's kingdom. There the wife must be strong and beautiful. There she must be her best and always bring her best. She may do good things outside, in church and society, if she can do them without slighting the duties that are hers within her own doors. But if any calls for service must be declined, they should not be the duties of her home. These are hers and no other one's. Whatever may be the share of others, the happiness of the household, in the last analysis, depends upon the wife. Her spirit gives the home its atmosphere; her heart, makes its warmth. And the end is so worthy, so noble, so divine, that no woman who has been called to be a wife, should consider any price too great to pay in order to be the light, the joy, the inspiration, of a home. Men with splendid gifts think it worth while to live to paint a few pictures which shall be admired for generations; or to write a few songs which shall sing themselves into people's hearts. But the woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and holy inspirations, is doing something finer than aught else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

In the making of home happiness children also have their place. It is a sacred hour in a home when a baby is born and laid in the arms of a young father and mother. It is the final seal upon wedded love. In its coming it trails fragments of heaven with it to earth. Much of home's deepest happiness along the years is made by the children. They teach their parents ofttimes greater and better lessons than any the parents teach them. They enrich the life of the true home.

Motherhood is one of the holiest secrets of home happiness. God sends many beautiful things to this world, but none is richer than that which he bestows in a mother who has learned love's lessons well. One writes:—

"God thought to give the sweetest thing In His almighty power To earth; and, deeply pondering What it should be, one hour In kindest joy and love of heart Outweighing every other, He moved the gates of heaven apart And gave to earth—a mother."

Fatherhood should also bring its enrichment to the home. God is revealed to us as our Father in heaven. Every earthly father should be a true interpreter of God to his household, not in his words alone, but especially in his life, his character, his disposition. No doubt there are parts of the parental duty which a woman can do better than a man. Men's hands are clumsy and often hurt when it was meant they should help. Yet the father has his part, and no father should think that he has done his whole duty to his home when he has provided, however luxuriously, for his material wants. His strength should be the secure shelter beneath which his wife and children may safely abide. His character should be a continual revealing of the love and goodness of God. He is the high priest of his house, and should speak daily to God for his family. Through him benedictions should come perpetually to his home.

Brothers and sisters also have their part in the building of the home. Not in every home, however, do they live so as to make the music one glad, sweet song. Too often there seems to be at least a tacit feeling that home affections do not require the culture that other friendships require. We can not be brusque with other people and expect them to hear patiently with us in spite of our discourtesy. But our home friends—we are sure of them, so we let ourselves believe—and do not need to be careful of the amenities. Thus in many homes brothers and sisters never form close intimacies. They remain almost strangers to each other's better life. In this way they fail to do their full part in the making of happiness. The relation of brothers and sisters has in it almost infinite possibilities of good. They should learn to live together in unity, whatever the cost may be. Love's first lesson is that of giving up one's own way, denying one's self, bearing all things, enduring all things. Where this spirit is cultivated, the spirit grows quiet and gentle, and the daily intercourse becomes affectionate, with its thousand little ways of thoughtful courtesy. In a larger measure than they imagine do the younger people in a household hold in their hands the best interests and the best happiness of the family life.

Thus in the building of a home every one has a part, and the one who fails tears down what the others have been building. Religion is the great master secret of all true home life. The Spirit of Christ alone will enable a family to live together in perfect peace. The presence of Christ in a home is a perpetual benediction. If He is our guest, we can not have strife and contention; we can not be irritable and exacting; we can not be bitter and unkind. Where Christ is, love is. Then even the burdens and shadows bring new blessing. Sorrow draws all hearts closer together and reveals new secrets of joy.

Nothing else we can do in this world is really better worth doing than the building of a beautiful and happy home. He who does this builds a sanctuary for God, and opens a fountain of rich blessing for men. The children who are brought up in an ideal home go out trained and ready for life's tasks and struggles, carrying in their hearts a secret of strength which will make them loyal and faithful to God, and will keep them pure in the world's sorest temptations.

We may each do worthy service, therefore, by helping to make one home—the one in which we dwell—brighter and sweeter. No matter how plain and old-fashioned it may be, if love be in it, if prayer connect it with heaven, if Christ's benediction be upon it, it will be a transfigured spot. Poverty is no cross if the home be full of cheer. Hardest toil is light if love sings its songs without break amid the clatter.