THE VEXED QUESTION by Mariette C. DuBois

Pacific Press Publishing Company · Oakland, California · Dec 19, 1900

FromSigns of the Times, Vol. 26, No. 51.

THE VEXED QUESTION.

By Mariette C. DuBois

BEFORE leaving the subject of the duty of husbands, I wish to say a few words upon a point that causes about as much unhappiness in married life as any one thing. I term it the "vexed question," or, in other words, the money question. I am aware that it is a delicate subject, yet it should be considered.

There are many husbands who have the right view of family finances, and are just and honest with their wives in money matters. God bless them. It is not to such I write, but to those who carry the money so deeply buried in their trousers pocket, with the purse-strings so tightly tied, that a penny scarcely ever finds its way into the hands of the wife. There is a true basis upon which to conduct family finances, so that justice may be done the hard-working wife; but it seems each husband has his own ideas, and runs the business to suit himself, too often regardless of what the right may be.

One man says, "Wife and I are one," but if you watch closely, he is generally the one, and carries the undivided contents of the pocketbook. If wife wants a little money, she has meekly to ask, "John, can you give me fifty cents?" Very likely he will give the gruff reply: "What have you done with that quarter I gave you last week? You seem to think I am made of money," as he grudgingly hands her the small amount, which she quietly takes, turning quickly away to hide the falling tears. Perchance this same little wife, before she married him, had been self-supporting, and carried her own purse. Doubtless she is paying her way now, and honestly earns much more than she is getting.

Another man says, "Wife and I are partners." Good; but how far does the partnership extend? She does her share of the work; how about the income? Does she have a share in that? or do you pocket all, and leave her out of the question? You say, "I am in debt; every dollar has to go that way." Well, talk it over with the wife; she is the other partner, you know. Let her have the pleasure of giving her share. Every true wife is ready gladly to do her part in sacrificing, but she does not like to do it all.

"O," but says still another man, "my wife works for love, not wages!" Yes, that is true; her work is done for love's sake, truly, but she has needs, nevertheless, and really needs money. There are husbands who stand high in church circles, and who give largely themselves to God's cause, but whose wives do not have a penny from one month to another to contribute to the Sabbath-school funds or any other collection. Their whole time and strength are spent in caring for their husband and family; they have no income; no way of earning money outside of their home duties. They do not like to ask for money, and so go without and have nothing to give. Wives who before marriage earned their money and spent it as they chose, feel the change deeply.

Each home is a little kingdom of its own, where no stranger has a right to dictate or intermeddle. But I know that in many homes there should be a reform in this matter. The wife and mother should be treated with respect, and her rights sacredly regarded. One of the pitiful sights of earth is a poorly-clad, overworked wife, who scarcely has the necessaries of life, while her husband is able to supply her with every needed comfort.

On a farm the butter-and-egg money, or a part of it, generally goes to the wife; and if anything is left after the family wants are met, she can use it for her personal needs. I know of one woman who does not even have this income from the poultry-house, as her husband sells all the eggs and pockets the money.

It may be that those who read this article do not belong to the class of husbands here described; but there are such husbands. I have given actual facts, as they exist in many homes, though I do not write from personal experience.

Some men carry the pocketbook; but it unclasps readily to the wife's needs. She feels perfect freedom to take what she needs, and never a word as to what she uses it for. Her husband has perfect confidence in her ability to spend money wisely, and he knows it will not be foolishly wasted. There are other men who are willing their wives should get what they need, and they will pay the bills. This is kind and generous; but there is a better way, which some men prefer, and that is to let the wife carry her own purse. The husband may add to its contents as the state of his own will allow. Then if the husband is absent, the wife is prepared for any emergency that may arise, and may be saved much embarrassment.

But all women are not financiers. Some have no more idea of the value of money, and a right use of it, than a three-year-old child. A man who has such a wife, especially if he is poor, can not, dare not, place his hard-earned wages at her disposal. But every true wife will look well to the financial interests of her husband. There ought not to be a divided interest, and in the true home there will not be.

MARIETTE C. DUBOIS. Grand Ledge, Mich.