I USED to count among my most pleasant acquaintances a lady whose cup was certainly filled to the brim with the waters of affliction. She was never for an hour free from nerve-racking pain. Well, what about her voice? Surely, if peevish, whining tones are the necessary accompaniment of pain, hers would have borne testimony to the fact. But not only was her voice soft and sweet, but her face wore the calm, beautiful expression of a soul at peace with its God.
O, I thought as I looked upon her, what a victory to gain! What a conquest of the spirit over the flesh! greater indeed than "he that taketh a city."
Another thing: Cultivate a quick sense of appreciation. Don't find fault when the husband attempts to please you; then, my friend, do you be pleased. Show some sense of gratitude.
"But how can I act pleased when I'm not pleased?"
You can be tactful. You can express your pleasure at his thoughtfulness.
"Well, when Henry brought home that fright of a dress the other day, I was so exasperated that I just called him a stupid fellow before I thought. I couldn't help it. Now that I think of it, I believe he did look sort of sad, and I remember he turned away and sighed a little, and only said he was sorry it didn't please me."
Well, I dare say he'll not try it again right away. Perhaps he'd like to, but he's so afraid of that faultfinding tongue of yours that he resists many an impulse to bring home little presents occasionally, and perhaps you have cheated yourself of many a pleasant little treat.
Said one woman to another the other day: "My Jim never brings me anything. He works over at Coulter's ten-cent counter, you know, and there are so many nice little knick-knacks there; I thought sure he'd bring me something once in awhile, but Jim never seems to think of me, and yet he often makes his mother and sister presents."
Ah, my friend, you pity yourself, but I pity Jim! He remembers well enough the last present he brought you, and he doesn't forget that he went without a new overcoat that he needed badly, that he might bring that present home to you. He could hardly wait to surprise you, and pictured to himself all day how pleased and delighted you would be. But there happened to be something about it that you didn't quite like. So you pouted over it like a silly child.
Yes, I dare say you have forgotten all about it—but Jim hasn't.
Again, I say, You pity yourself, but I pity Jim.
One thing more: It is not, and ought not to be, the part of the wife to contradict her husband. Men don't like to be contradicted. But if you are certain your husband is mistaken, and has made a wrong statement, if you feel that it is really necessary that he should know it, don't, don't call his attention to the fact in the presence of company; wait till you are all alone with him, and you will be much more likely to convince him of his error. You owe this consideration not only to your husband and to yourself, but to your guests. Who has not been sadly embarrassed many times by the thoughtlessness of a hostess who stupidly insists upon carrying her point, even tho it matters not a whit either way, and tho she force her unfortunate guest to give unwilling ear to a foolish and senseless dispute over a trifle.
O, it is a great thing, it is a blessed thing to be a loved and honored wife like her of whom the inspired singer declared: "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
"O dear!" sighs some meek little woman, "I'd only be too thankful if my husband brought me home anything at all. I'd never find fault, I'm sure. But I never have a cent I can call my own. It isn't that I don't work—there's seven in the family, and I do the work alone only for what help the children can give."
Ah, this is a pitiful case, indeed; I hope it isn't a typical one. The day ought to have long since gone by when a spool of thread or paper of pins is grudgingly bought by the head of the house for the meek little wife who does the work of three women.
But it seems to me that even here, genuine love and tactfulness on the part of the wife may win many a victory. The trouble is, we forget to tell our sorrows to Him who is great in counsel. We are too busy to go to the Strong for strength.
Men generally love to see women neat and trim, and are usually willing to contribute their share toward attaining this desirable result. But I am pretty sure that most of us give less care and attention to personal neatness than we should, especially while we are at work in our own homes. Are you not likely to think, if you do not say, "O, it's only John, he doesn't care, and I'm too tired to slip on a fresh dress or even a clean collar"?
But you did not say that years ago, my lady; then you used to dress on purpose for John. Why don't you now? Do you love him any less? You would resent the insinuation—at least, I hope you would. You are inclined to forget that cleanliness is next to godliness. And let me tell you, my untidy sister, John does care. You just try the effect of a bright ribbon, or a clean, becoming gown, the very next time you sit down to dinner. See if John's eyes will not sparkle. See if he doesn't show some of the admiration he used to, in the old days of which you still love to dream. Try it; and, too, let the table linen be clean and tasty. You can afford better to allow the piano to gather dust than to ask your husband to sit down to a table with soiled napkins—or none at all—and a table-cloth that has done duty a week too long.
Again: The wife should be able and willing to give good counsel to her husband. Many women give a great deal of counsel—sometimes they give too much. The wife of Job counseled him; but she might far better have kept quiet. The wife of Hamon counseled her husband; but the son of Hammedatha might better have sunk in the depth of the sea than to have listened to her. So let us be able to give good counsel, or none at all.
Some women imagine themselves much better managers than their husbands, and assume lordly airs; and talk about "my" farm, and "my" house, and "my" property. Too bad! Masculine, swaggering airs become no woman. It matters not how much better education the wife may have than her husband, she certainly lacks refinement if she makes ostentatious display of her fancied superiority. She would better heed the words of inspiration; they are needed to-day as much as they were 1900 years ago:
"And [let] the wife see that she reverence her husband."