WHEN is the true Christian gentleman seen at the best advantage? "Well," you answer, "if he be a clergyman, he is at his best in the pulpit; if he be a lawyer, it is before his judge and jury that he is seen at his very best; a doctor or a nurse is seen at best advantage in a hospital; the business man at his office; the teacher before his classes, and the student at his lessons; while I suppose the mechanic or the workman might be seen at best advantage while engaged in his daily toil."
Thus you reply. But let me tell you where and only where the true Christian gentleman of whatever business is seen at his best. There can be but one answer: In his own home and in the presence of his own family,—and this is true of women as well as of men.
"But," you object, "it is at home that we throw off all restraint. What! am I obliged to keep up my company manners even at home?"
But there should be no such thing as two sets of manners. Home manners ought to be good enough for company, and company manners are surely none too good for the home. Why, man, don't you love your own wife and your own sons and daughters better far than any one else in all the wide world? Well, then, ought you not to be as pleasant and obliging toward them as to mere acquaintances or to strangers?
"Perhaps so," you reply, "but I was hoping you would tell us some, at least, of our important duties as fathers."
Well, but this is the very thing I am doing just now,—nay, do not look grieved nor disappointed; for I assure you that there is no more imperative duty devolving upon any Christian gentleman than the one already mentioned; namely, that of all places on earth, the home should be the one where true courtesy is shown, and where, instead of harsh words and bitter tones, only words of love and tenderness are heard. As far as etiquette is concerned, real, true politeness comes easy to a heart fully determined to battle with its own selfishness, and constantly to put into practise the Golden Rule.
"Well, what about the children?" you ask. "Isn't it entirely within the province of the mother to teach them manners?"
No, indeed, it is not. Of what avail is it for your sons and daughters to be taught the principles of good manners by the mother, so long as they have constantly before them the example of a clownish father? I tell you the influence of example is stronger than all the abstract rules in the world.
Do you remember how ashamed you were of your son the other evening when you took him with you to the pleasant home of Mr. Blank? You were so upset that you did not have the courage to mention your real errand. You felt convinced that it would be quite useless, for surely he would never give a position in his store to such an ill-mannered boy as your John. You were quite overwhelmed with embarrassment as you witnessed his ill-mannered conduct. When Mrs. Blank presented him with a luscious peach, he accepted her kindness with not even a simple "thank you." And I can tell you the reason the lad forgot to remove his cap even when he entered the sitting-room. It is only because he is not accustomed to doing this at home. Indeed, you had almost forgotten to remove your own hat. Perhaps some day you may be made to realize that your hard-working wife should not be expected to assume all the responsibility in the teaching and bringing up of your children, but I hope it will not be too late when you have learned this fact.
It is almost always the case that the father is the ideal of his little son. If the father is ill-bred, if he smokes, chews, or guzzles his beer at the corner grocery or grog-shop, he has no right to expect anything better from his son, tho it is sometimes the case, thank God, that the father's awful example serves to warn his young son off the shoals of dissipation and destruction.
But suppose the father is sincerely trying to set an example worthy of imitation, and, in spite of the vigilance of both parents, the sons have gotten into bad company and learned bad habits, what is to be done then?
The other day my eye caught a little item in a paper in which the author addressed the parents of young lads who had learned card-playing, and who from fear of father and mother had a habit of meeting with their chums in some secret and out-of-the-way place. This author actually advised the parents to open the doors of the house to the young gamblers and their chums, and cordially invite them to play their games in the family sitting-room; being careful only to impress upon their boys the fact that it is not sportsmanlike to cheat at cards! And the paper in which I read this foolish logic was presented to the public under the delusive title of The Home-maker.
As well might we say: "If my son has become tired of life, and contemplates suicide by poisoning, let him bring his cup of horror into the family sitting-room and drink it there!" Think you the poison would be any the less deadly or the results any the less horrible?—Nay, verily.
"But," you say, "you are only telling fathers what not to do. Can you tell us what we are to do under these circumstances?"
Let me reply by giving an opposite example: A young lad had become so unruly and unmanageable that in spite of father's threats and mother's tears he became more and more rebellious, choosing the company of the reckless and profane, until it almost seemed that there was no hope. But did those godly parents give up the battle?—A thousand times, no! What did they do?—They prayed. But had they not prayed before?—Certainly they had; but they remembered in their soul-anguish that man's extremity is God's opportunity; and so, in bitter tears, night and day, without ceasing, they besieged the throne of grace for their erring son. When they saw no apparent change, did they give up praying, satisfied to allow the ungrateful youth to go to destruction?—Not so. They considered the soul of their son of greater value than that. Finally, one night as the father lay prone upon the floor of his room, pleading in an agony of spirit that would not be refused, the lad entered, threw himself upon the floor at his father's side, and with tears of contrition raining down his cheeks, begged the pitying Christ for mercy and forgiveness.
O the ear of Him who is mighty to save is never closed to such prayers as these. What a victory was that! O ye fathers whose sons are on the broad road to destruction, how many such prayers do you offer?
Well, then, let us sum up a few of the most important duties of the father: Let him teach his children, by the power of his own example, courtesy, kindness, and modesty; and let him never cease to present them each before the throne of God in the arms of an all-prevailing and never-doubting faith. Then, as stars in his crown of rejoicing, he may bring them to the Master at last, and say, "Here am I and the children whom Thou hast given me."