BRO. WHITE: Through the medium of the "Review and Herald," permit me, an unworthy yet trusting friend of truth to give a few words of my experience for the encouragement of such as are of doubting mind. God has promised his Son, a seed to serve him; therefore his Spirit will do its office work upon such as will heed it, and thereby their minds will be opened to the instruction of the blessed word which is able to make us wise unto Eternal Life.
In 1832, I became very sensibly alarmed for my eternal welfare. I saw that without holiness I was forever lost. After a few days of awful distress, I found peace in believing, and felt the sanctifying influence of grace, and a free and full pardon of all past sin, and was freely justified, and lived for days and weeks, growing in grace, and in the knowledge of the word of life. After a few months the sects began to strive for the mastery, and in a few weeks we (the numerous converts,) were divided up into flocks or parties for a reward to the priests, who had labored to convert and secure us. It happened to be my lot to be drawn into the Methodist net, and immediately I was elected a leader, and officiated a few months, when, as I studied, I found the word and their rulers did not agree, and I withdrew; not without discovering that my mind had greatly fallen. And I was indeed lean and barren, under the trial I had passed through.
Again, I committed my way to the Lord in tears and sorrow, and found that peace I had lost, and lived alone for some time. At length I found a people who, like myself, did not believe our blessed Saviour was the Eternal God. I found them to be humble and devoted, and had little sectarian influence. With them I walked and worshiped, until the Spirit moved the cry to prepare us for the coming judgment. My mind was stirred; I felt that God was in the move. I obtained a lecturer and gave the note of alarm. Hundreds professed to believe and sought to obey; but alas for the weakness of human nature, and our distrust for grace, many have fallen and Peter-like denied their Lord.
When this cry came, our little church unanimously, and with joy, received the glad tidings. But when the second angel sounded—"Come out of her my People"—many began to look for their creed, and turned to look it up, and left us and walked no more with us. But O, when I call to mind the thrilling and soul-stirring cry "Behold the bridegroom cometh," my mind leaps for joy, and I feel carried back to that happy hour, in the fall of '44, when I walked out upon my farms for the last time, often I had warned, and with tears and many prayers intreated my friends. I bade them adieu, and felt that I was called to die while yet alive. But we were destined to another and still more severe trial, to fit us for the yet future kingdom. The time passed, and I truly felt like keeping the dying sacrifice good; but in a few weeks, at a conference at Waterbury, there was a mighty effort made to stir up the little band to go to work and again sound the first angel's message. There I wept, and cried to God for help, by his grace, that I might not fall, while my mind thus recoiled. I felt to say, I cannot go, I cannot feel to work again the work I have finished. But at last my mind rested upon the idea that we might be blessed in gleaning after the harvest, and I began to unite with those who thus felt and labored, and often engaged in recounting the evidences of our hope. I have often been cheered while passing through these years of darkness and doubt, when I could, with humbleness, bow and reverently dedicate my wandering powers of mind to him who knew my sincerity and desire for redemption. But God will not leave his humble, trusting children to perish by the way, if they are willing to be led by the Word and Spirit.
Something near a year since my mind became considerably stirred as I heard from one and another that the Advent people were getting up another excitement. On examination I found that there was yet another angel, the third, of warning and mercy to sound, and stir God's humble children to an examination of their position, and a preparation for the coming judgment. As I read I was moved, and more and more convinced of my conformity to the requirements of the image beast. I distinctly saw the broken law, and rejected Sabbath, in a most striking sense. It was too much. I fell under it, and in Jesus' name besought my Father to again forgive my folly, sin and ignorance, and in November I called my family around the alter of prayer one blessed Sabbath morning, with a heavy heart, and told them my conviction, and asked them to unite with me in observing God's Royal Law. My men (being Adventists) acknowledged it but just, but struck against me, as did my companion and children. I bowed the knee under the most trying circumstances I have ever seen, since I had a being, and with the hardest spirit upon me. But, blessed be God, as I bowed my blessed Saviour met me by his Spirit. I was filled even to rejoicing, and praise and thanksgiving. But oh, the family's sympathy; my reputation was gone, and I had become a dupe, deluded by the Devil, and my influence was gone. They wept over me, they rebuked, they chided; but my trust was in God, and I prayed for sustaining grace and light upon the blessed Word. And although entirely alone for months, praise God, I have been sustained while examining the Word, and daily have I received light upon the different points connected with the closing message. The Heavenly Sanctuary, oh how beautiful! But as the light is before the world, bright shining as the sun, I close, exhorting my dear brethren to be of good cheer, committing their ways to the Lord, and in faithful labor in the truth. Although entirely alone but a few months since, God has now given me more in number to strengthen my hand, and encourage my mind, than Noah had in his Ark. And yet, blessed be his holy name, his arm is not shortened, nor is his ear shut that he cannot hear. I now have three ministering brethren to go with me, praise the Lord, and yet I expect more. Truth is mighty, and I expect will yet strike the ear of all the benighted, sleeping Advent believers in the north of our state, and many of them will heed the cry, restore the breach of the fourth command, and exhibit the patience and faith of the gospel, and so observe the Royal Law, that by faith in Jesus, they will be numbered to make the 144,000 that will be fitted for translation when our blessed Saviour shall appear.
This is the faith and prayer of your unworthy, yet confiding brother, HIRAM BINGHAM.
Morristown, (Vt.) Sept., 1851.