Its Rules of Conduct by J. O. CORLISS

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park, Washington, D. C. · Aug 29, 1912

Its Rules of Conduct

By J. O. CORLISS

Home Life — No. 3

Its Rules of Conduct

EVERY well-ordered home is such because of certain well-established rules of conduct by which each member of the household is governed in family intercourse. No organization can thrive without recognized law. In setting up the first family, infinite wisdom established a law of government for it, obedience to which would have insured perpetual happiness. God commended Abraham, and pronounced a blessing upon him for commanding his children and his household after him (Gen. 18: 17-19), and the Spirit exhorts parents to rear their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Eph. 6: 4.

This in no sense means that members of a family are to consider themselves slaves to imperious dictation, since fathers are specially exhorted not to provoke their children unto wrath. When family laws are reasonable, and wisely administered, they are conducive to the closest unity, and the most perfect freedom of household converse, which is the acme of family happiness. Without such domestic regulation the peace of the home is jeopardized, and its divine purpose frustrated.

Nothing should be considered of so little account as to be exempt from this general rule. Every act relating to the family, however small, should be scrutinized in the light of necessary home regulations, and if it tends in the least to diminish esteem for these, it should at once be renounced as a disturber of the peace. The rules of every Christian home, especially, should require that all intercourse between members be subservient to soul culture, that the family mission may not be invalidated.

But this high calling is almost impossible to reach where the law of self-denial is disregarded. One may, in the walks of business life, put up with the selfish person now and then met, but none such is desirable in family association. The presence of but one of this kind in a home, whether parent or child, mars its harmony, and lowers the standard of true home life. For this reason, the most diligent care should be exercised by each member that no love of selfish interest be permitted to trench on the personal rights or general prosperity of others.

This should be the law of parents as well as of children. No father can justly demand that everything about the home must be arranged to suit his every whim, regardless of the comfort of other family members. He has no right to be a domestic tyrant, neither has the mother any call to be a shrew, and by so doing alienate the affection of husband and children. Children, also, ought to consider parental sacrifices in their behalf, and seek to remove some of the heavy load of parental care, by freely assisting in the discharge of family duties, rather than to study their own ease and comfort alone. Self-denial should be so marked on the part of each as to have mutual compromises the general rule, and thus make home the most desirable place on earth.

Courtesy is another essential principle in the amenities of home life. Many persons appear the soul of grace in society circles, who do not feel it incumbent on them to practise common politeness in the home enclosure; yet the home is the place above all others where every-day civilities are needed, and count the most in the end. A once popular writer has said with considerable enthusiasm that "the happiness of life is made up of minute fractions, the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment,

and the countless infinitesimals of pleasurable thoughts and genial feeling."

A transient world can better afford, if necessary, to lose these expressions of courteous sympathy than can those with whom we constantly associate in family intercourse, because the happiness of home life depends on these things. Indeed, it must have them or be turned into the path of sorrow and grief. The world can and does pass by with evident scorn, social discourtesies and inadvertencies, but the sensitive family heart broods over these things to its own present discomfort and future detriment. Why not, then, give open expression to that love which must necessarily dwell in every heart united in family relationship?

In this way only can members of a family maintain real acquaintance with one another. Does it not seem strange that members of any household should be such strangers to one another as to seek counsel and comfort in time of trial from those in no wise related to them by family ties? Yet this often occurs. Can you not recall cases where young people have gone to family aliens and made them their confidants in matters that they had not courage to uncover to their own parents? Why was this? Simply because such had not been encouraged to go to parents with their little confidences, and secure consolation in return.

The loss in these cases is not to the children alone. The parents have thereby missed one important feature of family life—the acquaintance of their children. Parental authority may have been respected, and every stern command have been complied with; but the loving, gentle companionship that should obtain between parents and children has not been in evidence. In companionship alone is revealed the knowledge of another's disposition and needs. No two children, even in the same family, are just alike, so as to be dealt with similarly. Each has characteristics of his own, and must be treated in a way to meet successfully each peculiarity of his particular nature. This can be done only by thorough acquaintance, and by entering into all the little plans and considerations of the child mind. To secure childhood attachment is to hold permanently, for all time, the respect and love of mature years.

Those who have traveled extensively have noticed a great difference in families. In some a rough, boisterous spirit seems to prevail, and little, if any, courtesy is manifested, while in others a quiet, subdued manner seems to temper every movement. There is no less of ease and naturalness in the latter than in the former; but in the exuberance of spirit manifested, there is a freedom that does not infringe the rights of others, and a consequent harmony that is delightful to witness. In such homes the voices of father and mother have been calm and loving, instead of harsh and arbitrary. The individuality of the children was respected, and the children in turn learned to respect the distinct existence of one another. The result was a genuine well-ordered family, the kind that angels rejoice to behold.

In such a family, the young, inquiring mind is encouraged to seek information at the parental knee. By so doing the child has no secrets to be kept from father and mother, but freely unburdens itself under all circumstances, and thus, by dropping down into the mysterious depths of the child nature, the parent has become acquainted with the child, and knows how to claim its most ardent affection.

Another suggestion: No parent should be so raised above the child through false pride as to overlook any injustice done his child. If in reviewing any course of conduct, one sees that he wronged his child in any way, he should be quick to acknowledge his error. Children are not slow to recognize right; and if wrong toward them is confessed, they will more readily do the same when their own course has been wrong. Much depends on this. One can not afford to let the knowledge of a wrong done to his child slumber in the young breast, to be, perhaps, awakened in after-years to the discredit and grief of the parent. How quickly a confession of this sort will react upon the child, making him love his parent more for the act of humiliation. It will assist to bring peace and joy to the household, and make home life a perpetual bliss.