Relation of Experience by C. E. Harris

Publishing Committee · Battle Creek, Mich. · Sep 30, 1858

Relation of Experience.

By C. E. Harris

DEAR BRN. AND SISTERS: I commenced to write to you some time ago, but fearing lest a secret desire to honor self was mixed with my desire to honor God, I laid it aside, believing he would permit me to write with an eye single to his glory. His great goodness to us as a people, and the great blessings which lie just before us, and are ours even now, I believe, as fast as we will take them at his hand, are what now constrains me to write.

I will relate to you a little of my experience. More than one year ago I was taken sick; had been much out of health for some months previous to this, but at that time was brought so low that I must have either divine or human aid, or die. Having seen some confusion among Sabbath-keepers in relation to praying for the sick, and being impressed with our low state before God as a people, I was induced to send for a physician, and did not feel that God disapproved. Long and sore was the trial I passed through, yet the Lord gave me sufficient of his grace to enable me to bear it without murmuring against him. I ever believed there was a bright side to the dark cloud, and that all things, that not excepted, would work together for good to me; for I believed I loved God.

Five months passed and I was much nearer the grave than at their commencement. Satisfied that human aid could not reach me, I turned from it, willing to die unless God saw fit to raise me up. I had ever felt that God would not be so much glorified by my dying as by my living. This was what had induced me, after having within my own heart committed the matter to the Lord for several months, and being finally prostrated with disease, to resort to earthly means, hoping God's blessing would attend; and now that these had failed, I felt like still looking to the Lord in my extremity, and I did not look in vain. My extremity was his opportunity to bless. At the time of the conference in Sutton last Dec., my case was brought before the Lord according to the direction of the Apostle. The Lord heard, rebuked disease, and brought me speedily up from that bed of sickness. To his name be all the glory.

In my journey to Mt. Zion I have aimed to be a steady traveler, but have come thus far laden with fears, oppressed by unbelief and many weaknesses. Like a caged bird, I longed for freedom that I might serve God acceptably, and return to God the praise and glory that I felt was due to him for his exceeding great goodness to the children of men, and to me one of the least of his creatures. Though often pressed heavily with discouragement, I never ceased to look upward to God. At one time, more than two years ago I came near to despair, but still cried to God, and when my feet had well nigh slipped, his mercy held me up. Thus I have traveled for seven years in the past. Lonely rooms and silent groves have been constant witnesses of my supplications to God, and often of rich, sweet, strengthening, encouraging blessings received from him. He has given me such near approaches to him, and permitted me to drink so freely of his love, as to keep earthly pleasures continually spoiled for me. And yet, strange as it may seem, I was almost a stranger to perfect freedom among the people of God. Have often studied to know the cause, but now I feel that it matters not by what shackles I have been bound if so be that my Father's hand can break them off.

When the message to the Laodiceans came, I felt in a moment that it belonged to us and earnestly desired to heed it fully. While lying upon that bed of sickness, when I had ample time to look over the past, present and future, of which God has given us some knowledge, and to lift up my heart to the

Lord, I believed that the Lord was working for me, and that I should have in the end, everlasting life. I believed that by that chastening which sometimes seemed severe, my heavenly Father designed to bring me nearer to himself and to bring me much forward toward the answer of my long-continued and earnest prayer, even that he would fit me to do all his will, and to glorify him with my body and spirit which were his. I desired it, or to go to the grave. The thought of getting well and of loving God no better than I had done in the past, was painful; and I shrank from it. The cause of God, the glorious prospect before the faithful, and the remembrance of dear friends, made life look desirable; but from the heart I chose death rather than to get well and not find the answer of my prayers. I believed that if the Lord raised me up it would be a token that I should find it. He raised me up and I received it as a token that it was his good pleasure that I prepare for and receive the latter rain with his people, share their labors and sufferings, and finally their glorious reward. Since then I have found myself possessed of a courage and strength unknown before, but still have not been satisfied. My soul thirsted to be where my eye would be single to the glory of God, and that all my powers might be fully consecrated to him and, in whatever way seemed best to him, engaged in his service. As a cup may be filled with water, so I believed that I might be filled with the grace of God and every part and faculty of my being made suitable for his service, and, by his appointment, employed to work for him. For this I prayed, longed and waited. There was no satisfaction or rest for me until this was done.

Now I will tell you how I have labored along through the summer. In February I came home not expecting to stay, but not knowing why I could not do the will of God as well here as elsewhere, have continued to remain here. I told the brethren when leaving Sutton, that my work while away would be to obey the counsel to the Laodiceans and endeavor to open the door of my heart and let Jesus come in. This has been my work. I have labored with results as follows:

For a season I had uninterrupted peace, but soon had fresh evidence that Jesus did not reign supremely in my heart; for I found my mind was ruffled and my peace disturbed with the little perplexities and trials of life. Many times impatient feelings came up; and sometimes they caused impatient words. I also found that when I had much liberty in writing to my friends, I was obliged to be in constant fear lest self exaltation should arise. These things pained me, and led me more earnestly to the Lord. He helped me to be humble and to advance in the work of overcoming, in many ways, disappointing my plans, giving me trials of my faith by sickness, &c. I had to labor hard, and often seemed brought into extremity, but still believed my God was helping me and I should have the victory. Sometimes the light of his countenance was withdrawn and I lived by naked faith alone while clouds of darkness encompassed me about. But still I felt like one waiting outside the court of heaven while a great blessing was within for me which I should receive in due time. Whatever were my circumstances or feelings at different times, my position was one of crying to God and of fervent expectation. I could not put my hand to the plough and look back. The victory must be gained. At times the darkness passed away and I enjoyed a good degree of freedom. This would continue a few days or weeks and I would find that before I was aware of it a spirit of elation would come in; that I was feeling a little more easy about myself, and that my cry to God for perfect victory was less vehement. I was also tempted with impatience. This brought condemnation and sorrow, and led me to redouble my cries to the Lord for more grace and strength from him.

About one month since, I began to receive sweet tokens of the favor of God. The thought came to me, Shall I again by carelessness or exaltation grieve away the blessed Spirit? The thought was extremely painful.

I charged my soul to grant itself no needless self-indulgence, but to look up to God continually and to wait alone upon him. I had rather be away in prayer than partake of my daily food. The burden of my supplication was that I might be enabled by grace to receive the blessing of God and not grow proud or careless.

The Lord smiled upon and blessed me. I had the most perfect assurance that my prayers were heard. My peace was as a river. I saw and knew that the way was open for me to receive the rich mercies of the Lord. Great blessings were needed for my father's family; and now if God would permit me to prevail with him in prayer, I might ask for them. I felt that I must have power to prevail with God; believed it was my privilege. The light of the holy Spirit pointed out the path for my feet, and in the strength of the Lord I walk in it, daily witnessing his power to save and giving him praise for the same.

C. E. HARRIS.

Lunenburg, Sept. 7th, 1858.