SELF is my worst enemy. It will always trouble us, and that severely, until crucified with its affections and lusts. Gal. v, 24. It is at war with every step in true Christianity. It will prevent us from receiving the truth, or push us and mislead us while in the truth.
To the devoted it will hide its deformed head under a false humility, by seeking austerities in external things, while it is being nourished with—"How devoted we are!" The wakeful and zealous it will lead by a zeal void of knowledge. It tells us there is a responsibility on us which God never has laid there.
But if we are truly Christ's, we shall crucify self with its affections and lusts. How often when we first receive the present truth, and feel the good Spirit that accompanies it, we feel that self is entirely dead. How little do we know until we are tested. How could I know whether I would steal or not unless brought to a test? We may boast of our stability in the truth, how we shall hold on to the Sabbath, &c., while everything is in our favor; but let persecution arise, and loss in business, trials and troubles stare us in the face, then we can tell by our works how much we love the truth. Self is the Devil's masterpiece to destroy men's souls.
We may be told that self has much to do with us; but we cannot see it. Finally God takes us in hand to show us self. We may occupy a prominent place in the church, be looked up to and encouraged by the brethren, and still self find a large place in our hearts, and the enemy may take these very things to flatter and nourish self. Still we know it not; for it is not under these circumstances that we can tell how much self has to do with us. Finally circumstances are reversed. Circumstances which would nourish and feed self are taken away. Self at once cries out for sympathy. Circumstances being gone; it goes in search of sympathizers. It finds them. They tell self his trials are hard; that it is too bad; that it is decidedly wrong; but in a little while they will get through and get back where they were before, &c., &c. Thus self is fed, but God's work does not stop here. He comes a little nearer. He demands those very friends which would nourish self by sympathy. With eagerness he grasps the few remaining acquaintances. But God's relentless hand does not stop here. Not only is "lover and friend put far from us, but also our acquaintances are put into darkness." Ps. lxxxviii, 8. Self cries out in agony. He asks for sympathizers, but they are gone. He goes in search of nourishment, but God has taken away his food. He struggles, but in vain. He sighs, but of no use. He had rather practice the severest austerities than die like this. But alas for poor self! there is no reprieve. It is God that has charge of this work, and he does not leave it half done. The most intimate friends of self have left him. It is like tearing his very vitals, but it is done. His brightest light is total darkness. In his fruitless attempts to arise he exhausts his strength. He groans, he dies. Praised be God, Christ begins to live. He leads us back : he lifts us up; and, while the spirit of the third angel fills our soul, he puts a new song in our mouth, even praise to our God and to the Lamb, who has redeemed us by his blood.
We at once find our feet in a large place, having fellowship with the Father, Son, ministering angels, and the saints of the Most High, and now can exclaim, It is not I that live, but Christ that liveth in me. This is no fancy sketch, but the real experience of some in the third angel's message.
But alas! how often when we find circumstances which feed self taken away, we revolt. Self complains, declares it hard, unjust, will not have it so, marks out a course of its own, plods off in darkness, feeds on husks, and finally makes its bed in hell.
S. N. HASKELL.
Worcester, Mass.