THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN.
BRO. SMITH : I forward to you an interesting piece, as I think, written on the training of children. It was written by a friend some two years ago, with the view of presenting it to you for publication, but afterward laid aside. By request I had an opportunity of perusing it, and considering that it might be useful to some, I should like to have it published. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov. xxii, 6. The last clause of this verse of scripture is quoted to show the certain, final results of good training in all time, but that these results will evermore appear in the old age of children who are now living we do not believe, since heaven and earth are destined to pass away long before that period comes. But that this fact does not diminish the importance of their being well trained we do believe. It rather increases in a ratio with the evident shortness of probationary time. What the true and full import of the first clause of the scripture quoted above, in all its particulars, is, many anxious hearts have desired to know. And well they may; for it is that upon which hangs endless consequences, so far as the destiny of children is concerned, if not of the parents also. Therefore for parents to be wrought up to a carefulness, yet energy of action, and a continual determination of purpose to know and do their best in this matter is altogether right. However, it should not be the object of any, on this subject, to excite the feelings merely, but kindly to correct errors, and inform the understanding. Therefore it is to be regretted that some, even those who are not parents, have ever taken it upon themselves, in exhortation or otherwise, to give a kind of stirring thrust at parents respecting their children, calculated to excite to the utmost, the laboring mind, already excited with fear and anxiety, if not despair, for their dear offspring, beyond what human nature feels able to endure; when in all this, there is not a word calculated to correct any error or impart the least instruction. Doubtless many anxious parents have waited with solicitude to hear some wise and sympathetic remark, adapted to the especial wants of their dear children, when to them it seemed that their own scanty funds of wisdom and knowledge in this matter were wholly exhausted, and still an imperative call existed for other resources, in order to train them up in wisdom's ways. But we find the great source of instruction fitted to this, as in all our other cases of a lack in knowledge, is the Bible; hence by a careful perusal of its contents we are in a measure enabled to determine whether we are, or are not, pursuing the path of duty in this matter, as in all others. In the first place, parents, in their lives and characters, should be model examples for their children to imitate. This we shall find is one of the most essential things in their training. The Bible warrants this belief. However much may depend upon the discipline and the good instruction of children, it would seem the most reasonable that there should also be a strict harmony between the good precept or instruction, and the example of the instructor. How comparatively powerless must the best precept teaching prove, when the understanding of the learner is convinced that the teacher is in the constant habit of violating the principles of the very precepts which he is in the practice of inculcating. For instance, certain parents enjoin it upon their children strictly to observe the Sabbath, when these children know that those same parents frequently desecrate some of its holy moments by indulging in various amusements, and by doing such kinds of work as is contrary to the spirit of the fourth commandment. How ineffectual the teaching of children to refrain from any evil practices, when it is well known by them that the parents who teach them thus are in the habit of indulging in the same evil practices themselves. It was said of Caleb, "To him will I give the land that he hath trodden upon, and to his children, because he hath wholly followed the Lord." His perfection in following the Lord not only secured an inheritance for himself, but it would seem had something to do in securing the same for his children. From the above scripture we obtain some idea of the importance of example in the case; but Eph. vi, "Be ye therefore followers of God as dear children," when critically examined, gives us a more clear, full and comprehensive view of the subject. But the inquiry will first be made, As dear children follow whom? We answer, as dear children follow their parents. Hence if it is enjoined on us to follow God, as dear children follow their parents, the subject pre-supposes to our minds that dear children follow their parents fully; as we clearly understand it is our duty to follow God fully. For the word enjoins that we be perfect as our Father which is in heaven is perfect. As God is a perfect example, and we should follow him perfectly, so we should be perfect, that our children may have examples worthy of imitation. God is not only a perfect example, but he is perfect in his government, discipline and instruction. Hence a part of that perfection which we should aspire after, consists in the proper government, discipline and instruction of our children, or in other words, training them up in the way they should go. In God's government he is very careful to discipline his children into the ways of righteousness. It is those whom he loves that he chastens, and his sons are those whom he scourges. For they who are without chastisement are bastards, and not sons. In the second place, parents should command their children what to do. God said of Abraham, I know him that he will command his children and household after him; and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment, that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. Gen. xviii, 19. These commands, if the lives of those who command correspond with them, will be given in a manner which will indicate to the children with unmistakable evidence, that parents mean what they say; and hence they will have not only a great solicitude, but a strong purpose that their commands should be obeyed. If we have the principles of our own teachings in our hearts, we shall manifest a zeal and solicitude accordingly. Otherwise we cannot manifest that which we do not possess; i. e., if we have no solicitude in regard to a given subject, surely we shall manifest none. There were the most important results consequent on Abraham's commanding his children and his household after him; it was this: They shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment. Further than this, we may understand by the last clause of the verse, that the promises given to Abraham were consequent, at least, in part, on the very act of commanding his children and household after him in such a manner that they would keep the way of the Lord. This idea may be objected to, as [Gen. xxvi,] the blessing came upon Isaac, because Abraham obeyed God's laws. But is it not one of the most comprehensive of God's laws, to love our neighbor as ourselves? Then ought we not to love our children as well as our neighbor? And if so, ought we not to do all in our power to discipline, instruct and encourage our children in the way in which they should go? There need be no mistake in regard to what the basis or foundation of these commands to our children shall be, as Deut. xxxii, 46 informs us : "And he said unto them, set your hearts unto all the words which I testify among you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, all the words of this law." The law of God is the basis of all just commands, the foundation of all religious teaching, adapted not only to ourselves, but to our children. Therefore whatsoever we command them to do, should be in perfect harmony with it. Again, we may understand in what we should command our children from the passage quoted: "I know that Abraham will command his children and his household AFTER HIM." If the phrase "after him" had not been inserted, we might have been in doubt as to what he commanded them to do; but as it is, all is plain; that he commanded them to follow in his own footsteps: to do as he had done. Now as we understand from Gen. xxvi, 5, that Abraham obeyed God's voice, and kept his charge, his commandments, his statutes and his laws, that he commanded his children to do the same, to follow in the same course of holy living he himself had pursued, we see at once the propriety and force of the expression, "He will command his children after him." In the third place, these commands of parents should126be enforced by penalties in cases of disobedience. It may be thought by some that it is not in harmony with the spirit of the gospel to inflict corporeal punishment upon children for disobedience: notwithstanding the Spirit of the Lord by the wise man has so frequently admonished us on this point. As an objection to these admonitions, it may have occured to our minds that they were given under the law dispensation, when children for inflexible disobedience were commanded to be put to death. But if we would by second thought discover that corporeal punishment was not necessarily connected with that destruction law, but was rather, under that dispensation, designed to save children from it, and in the gospel age to save them from the more dreadful punishment of the second death, the above objection would at once vanish. That a sentiment against corporeal punishment has, for a number of years, extensively prevailed, is true; but that Satan is the author, is as true, from the fact that the prophets did not hang upon those statutes which were not good—the penalties of the moral law as given to the Jews. But the prophet Solomon with the rest, hung upon that law of love, the moral law. Hence his own expression, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes," [Prov. xiii, 24,] is good proof that to chastise children for disobedience is in perfect harmony with the law of love, and not with the law of destruction. Therefore if to use the rod is according to the law of love, all such discipline should be administered in love to the child, and not with feelings of anger or impatience. For as the laws of nature and the Bible also, develop the principle that everything in nature begets or produces its like, we ought to be careful lest our improper manner infuse into the minds of our children more evil than our discipline is adapted to expel. That the discipline of children should be commenced early, is more than intimated by Prov. xix, 18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Margin. "Let not thy soul spare to his destruction, or to cause him to die;" showing that to spare this chastening unduly, or through false or spurious affection, to neglect or refuse to thoroughly and effectually chastise him, while there is by these means hope of subduing his will to the will of his parent, and through him to the requirements of God; we by this neglect expose him, in the most fearful sense, to destruction, by the power of the second death. May the Lord help us that are parents to get hold of such an understanding of simple truth on this point, that we, and our dear children with us, may enter into life. The reason why such discipline is so imperatively enjoined is given by the wise man,—because foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Prov. xxii, 15. The Scripture sense of foolishness, is absurdity, folly. And folly is criminal weakness, depravity of mind. It may be highly criminal or not so. Let it be either way, the rod of correction applied properly, and in season, will prove effectual in eradicating it. Chap. xxiii, 13, 14, seems to be the counterpart of the margin of chap. xix, 18. The first mentioned reads as follows: "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." It has doubtless been a question in the minds of some what the true sense of the latter clause of verse 13 is. It has been understood by some, that if he were beaten with a rod, by this means he shall not die; i. e., the rod will not cause him to die. But we now understand that verse 14 explains it to mean, not as expressed above, but that this beating with a rod will preserve him from the second death, or death finally. Chap. xxix, 15 informs us that the rod and reproof give wisdom, showing us what is comprised, in part at least, in training up a child in the way he should go. Whatever correction, instruction or commands excite in us a sense of guilt, is properly called reproof; this enforced with the rod in cases of obstinacy or disobedience is calculated to drive away the native, inherent foolishness of a child, and instead of these implant in him the principles of wisdom. But in the discipline of children introduced from the wise man's teachings, we should be very careful not to exhibit the least degree of severity. This would serve to discourage and sink their minds beneath the chance for a reasonable hope, perhaps into a sullen despondency. Some of an ardent temperament might be in danger of falling into this extreme. This point of truth is made plain by Col. iii, 21. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged;" and also by Eph. vi, 4. "And ye, fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." "But the child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Every observing person, even those who do not believe in the inspiration of the Bible, who has seen children thus left, can witness to the truthfulness and force of the above expression. Verse 17, I believe, closes the instruction given by the wise man on this subject. "Correct thy son and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." The parent will not only have rest from the distressing anxieties which cause many bitter tears as a consequence of the inconsistencies of his waywardness and rebellion, but will have anticipations of delight in view of the happy future prospects of one for whose well-being he feels in a great measure responsible. This is a rest, methinks, which must be so desirable to every parent that they would spare no pains to enjoy it. In the fourth place, they should diligently instruct their children in all practical Bible truth. "Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord." Ps. xxxiv, 11. "I will utter dark sayings of old which we have heard and known and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, showing to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, and his strength and his wonderful works which he hath done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born: who should arise and declare them unto their children." Ps. lxxviii, 2-4. "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine; forsake ye not my law; for I was my father's son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words; keep my commandments and live." Prov. iv, 1-4. It appears from the last mentioned scripture, that the wisest of all men was not only the object of the tenderest care of his mother, but also of his father's constant instruction. Doubtless the excellent qualifications of these parents to instruct this son were in part the cause of his attaining to that immense amount of heavenly wisdom which he afterwards possessed. There are means adapted to all desirable ends. How fit it is, at the time of family devotions, after having read a portion of truth, to spend a few moments in familiar conversation calculated to inform their young minds how to live those truths practically, or to admonish them of any known error in a kind and instructing manner. Those who are in doubt how to go to work in this matter, are cited to 1 Thess. ii, 11 for instruction. "As ye know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you as a father doth his children." And although this is indirect teaching, and in a sense incidentally introduced, the language is such as to show for a certainty that the father of a family does, or should, exhort, and comfort, and charge his children as a faithful minister would the people of his charge.