INTERESTING EXPERIENCE.
By M. E. BARNEY
BRO. SMITH : By your permission I will give in my testimony through the Review, for I can truly say with Paul, by the grace of God I am what I am. From my earliest childhood I was taught to fear God, being a feeble child and thrown upon his mercies at a tender age. As I grew up my health improved, and I grew fond of the pleasures of this world. Dancing was my idol. I flitted through the halls of pleasure, vain and proud. I preferred the praises of men to the approbation of my God. How oft my mother would recall to me my childish years, how kind the Lord had been in sparing my life, and how had I repaid his kindness with ingratitude. At times I felt the Spirit of God striving with me, but my language was, Go thy way for this time; come at a more convenient season. In the fall of 1848 I became serious minded. The Spirit of God strove powerfully, but there was the fear of man, an unbelieving husband in my way. Again I said, Go thy way. Satan conquered, and I sank back into my former state of careless indifference. In the spring of 1851 a new charge was added to my care, a little girl, the idol my heart. She was a beautiful babe; I knew it, and was proud. She was a feeble child. When six months old she had fits, and continued to have paralysis cramp convulsions and epilepsia. She would lay six and eight hours in fits. She suffered with lung fevers, and many kinds of diseases. All was done that could be done, but all to no purpose. She lost her reason, became insane, a child of constant care and solicitude. Then with that child in my arms, my heart swelling with grief, in the bitterness of my anguish would I exclaim, Lord what have I done to deserve so severe a judgment? I have always led a good and moral life; my punishment is more than I can bear. Oh that I had died in childhood. I could look around upon those that had committed worse sins than I had, and see them prospering in the things of this world; and why was I so sorely afflicted? Little did I think God was scourging me with the family rod. Again my mother said, Mary, the hand of the Lord is upon you; cast your cares on a bleeding Saviour. “Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust him for his grace;
Behind a frowning providence,
He hides a smiling face.” Then I approached the throne of grace, not with upbraidings, but with a humble and penitent heart, feeling my sinful nature. Nowhere could I go but unto Christ to be cleansed. The Lord forgave my sins, and I was a new creature. I felt he had taken me in a very tender way. How oft on my bended knees by the couch where lay my suffering child, while watching her sick bed when all were wrapt in sleep have I raised my voice to a throne of grace, Spare me O Lord; spare my poor, unprofitable life. O let me live to see this dear suffering child laid in the silent grave. I had three younger children, bright and healthy, and willingly could I leave them, but none but a mother could care for that dear sufferer. I felt my strength wasting away, my health declining. The Lord heard my prayer. Dec. 18th, 1858 she fell asleep in the arms of a blessed Saviour. Can I describe my feelings when I missed her cold lips over and over again? I felt entirely stript of pride and vanity. I had been drawn out from the giddy throng and my earthly hopes all dashed to the ground; that child that never gave utterance to words, that had been nearly seven long years the constant care of her mother, had been the means of bringing me to lean entirely on my Saviour. I was determined with his help to spend the remnant of my days in his service. My brother James Marvin and Bro. and sister Bean had just embraced the third angel’s message. While there on a visit they spoke to me about the Sabbath. It was the first time I had ever heard anything about it. I turned a deaf ear, thought they were a prejudiced set, thought of joining the M. E. church, as my mother was a member. Still I could not believe in endless punishment, nor that the sinner could inherit eternal life except through Christ. I knew nothing about the mortality of the soul. I prayed, but still I was tossed to and fro, holding on my old traditions. In the spring of 1858 my youngest sister came out on the truth. I felt a spirit of persecution, thought she had been influenced by my brother and sister B. She visited me soon after, she was all happiness and peace, and she felt that her days would be short. In about three months she was brought down on a bed of sickness, and after a short illness fell asleep in Jesus. Then again did the sharpened arrow from the Lord’s quiver pierce my heart. I felt riveted to the spot as I stood by the cold, motionless form of a loved sister. Then did conscience speak. I could have given everything I had on earth to possess one spark of that heavenly religion. I was prostrated on a bed of sickness, unable to attend the funeral. My case grew worse. I was racked with excruciating pain, baffling the skill of my attendants. I was brought to the verge of the grave, could see with horror the grim monster’s approach to clasp me in his icy arms. How mightily I cried to the Lord, Help oh my Saviour, help! for only thou canst save me. Again he showed his smiling face, again was he mindful of me, again did he put forth his merciful arm and rebuke the angry wave that was about to overwhelm my frail bark and sink me to everlasting perdition; for I was fighting against his holy commands. Sister B. nursed me through my illness, prayed with me, and held out the Bible truths. Brother J. enlightened me on the mortality of the soul, told me to go to my Bible, and not mind the M. E. C. He talked of the coming of the Lord, and lent me books. I found the doctrine harmonized exactly with the Scriptures. Then the Sabbath question arose in my mind. I spent much time in praying and investigating, still I made no progress. I found that I had to lay aside self, idols, and the fear of man. I went to God with my case, prayed for eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand, I lost all sacredness for the first day, began to feel convicted that I must keep his holy commands or I should be lost. I came to a full determination twice, but Satan conquered. I lacked in faith. I was afraid of bringing Christ to an open shame. Brother J. had then moved away to Plattsburg. I wrote to him for some books, and wrote my feelings. He exhorted me to keep on, and get the work deep into my heart and then he knew I never would turn away from the paths of truth. About that time, through your kindness I received the books and Review, and blessed be God they met the desired effect in bringing me out of darkness into his marvelous light. Brother J. was here on a visit, and spent the Sabbath with me. We had a season of prayer. I felt refreshed, and told him I felt somewhat convicted. I could do a little sewing, but did not do the work I used to do on that day. Said he, “Tis the little foxes that destroy the vines.” The words sank deep into my heart. After he went away I felt very solemn. I felt that there had been many a fervent earnest prayer put up in my behalf. I could hold out no longer. Feb. 11th I raised the standard of truth with a full determination, God being my helper, that persecution, affliction, adversity, nothing on earth, would make me give up the religion of Jesus Christ. I humbly ask forgiveness of those who have felt so much interest for me, for manifesting such a spirit of persecution, and I would say to them, Never be weary in well doing. I find that the prayers of the righteous avail much. May God bless you abundantly, may he crown your efforts with success. Brethren and sisters scattered abroad, pray for me that the Lord may strengthen me in this work, that he may adorn me with Christian grace, for I am sorely persecuted. Some tell me that I am perfectly insane. I tell them it is the right kind of insanity. I feel lonely, as I am the only Sabbath keeper in this town. I have not seen any of the brethren, and never heard a discourse. I have written this, not to edify, as it is simple in its nature, but merely to warn others to beware; beware! how you trifle with God. I should like to hear a course of lectures. My health is so feeble I am afraid I shall never see any of like faith again. Should any of the messengers come this way183in the spring, if the Lord permits, I shall be buried with Christ in baptism. Though I cannot speak as eloquently as some, blessed be God I can speak of the love of Jesus. Yours in hope of eternal life, M. E. BARNEY.
Swanton Falls, Vt.