DOMESTIC STUMBLING-BLOCKS.
By Jos. Clarke
DEAR SISTER ****: There is not a more important nor a more delicate subject to treat upon, than family trials and difficulties, nor is there one more necessary to be fully understood and comprehended; and to enter upon this state without preparatory discipline is presumption; and many a family is already ruined by sheer ignorance of the relative situation and duties of the different parties constituting the family circle. Paradise is most nearly regained (in this world) by that family who study to know each one his or her place, and thus delight to walk therein. In such a family there is no jar nor discord, for they having studied the different keys and scales of social harmonies, and having an ear cultivated and correct, keep each one in harmony; and each one being acquainted with his part, and moving with precision, sweet music is produced, and they become habituated to musical chords; and if a note of discord falls upon the ear by some ill-means, they shudder as it were, as a good musician would as a jar in the performance of some excellent piece of music. To attempt to be happy in the family, while ignorant of the natural relations subsisting between members of the family, or to seek happiness where these relations are understood, but not appreciated and valued, is in either case fruitless and vain. To the philanthropist, there is no more painful sight than to see an unhappy or jarring couple, the home where innuendoes, jests, trifling talk, and careless treatment of the parties is seen to result in something disastrous to happiness and peace. To know each one his place, is the alphabet of social happiness, the numeration table in the book of social order; and the child that places his figures in confused disorder, without regard to simple or local value, is only acting on the same disorderly, unsystematic plan, those act upon, who think to pass happily through life, who ignore grades and orders in the domestic circle. In accordance with that principle, you will notice that the kind and considerate father, who governs well his household, learned first to obey while he was a child. The man who at home is all that he should be, in gentleness, order, firmness, had probably an early example set him by his parents, and so with the wife who is a crown to her husband, and the mother whose children rise up and bless her. Correct principles, by some means, have been incorporated into their minds; and families are unhappy, not because they cannot be happy, but because they slight these rules. Recur to first principles, the order of God; man created in his own likeness [Gen. i, 27], and woman a help meet for him [chap. ii, 18]; and Paul speaks to the same effect: the wife is subject to the husband as the church is to Christ [Eph. v, 2, 3]; in everything [verse 24]; as it is fit in the Lord [Col. iii, 18]; and let the woman ponder well these principles before she for a moment allows herself to wander from her sphere. How silly the church appears when she gets out of her sphere, away from Jesus, or in rebellion against him. Just so it appears in the eyes of all sensible men and sensible beings, when the wife is disrespectful or irreverent towards her husband. The only way to decide in matters of this kind, is to revert to first principles as laid down in the word; this is a safe guide, and this gives all power, so to speak, into the hands of the husband; and even the common sense of mankind, and common law, forbids wives to be witnesses in court in their husband's interests, or against them, except in criminal cases. Thus you see a great responsibility is thrown upon the head of the family; and for this he must give account to God, and we to the man who abuses this power. But the wife is not to pronounce this woe. No, let her reverence her husband. In proportion as mankind are made holy, they are kind to their companions, and love and cherish them, and the character of woman is elevated in those countries where the religion of Christ is respected; while in heathen countries where the Bible is not acknowledged as the rule of life, we find woman degraded and neglected, and undervalued by the male sex; and of course they have little self-respect, and thus are left to Satan, as it were sunk in degradation and without hope. Seeing then that it is the Bible which confers such honor upon woman, seeing it is the Bible which is her safeguard, her protection, it is this which elevates her social and intellectual and moral character; then let her, if she would rise to her full zenith of glory, heed particularly the principles laid down in the Bible for her guidance. Walking thus, she will become a comfort to her associates, far and near, who come within the sphere of her influence. Let her do this, and so will she become happy and contented within herself, and will diffuse the same all around; while all that is opposed to these rules, tends to discord, confusion, and social misery. There is a propriety and a beauty in such an order of things, when there is felt to be a union, a oneness of interest, no clashing of words, no angry glances, no face flushed with conjugal hate, no sharp thrusts, deadly and cruel, sinking into the heart of all; no reproaches (O what misery in such a circle, where home becomes a hell!) but where the husband is reverenced and obeyed, where his word is law and his smile like the sunshine upon the blooming garden of virtues planted around him, while the homage thus paid is felt by all, even as the sweet perfumes of summer do imperceptibly fill the atmosphere with sweet odors. There is no loss of dignity in thus submitting to consistent authority, but here alone can any find real glory in filling the very sphere appointed by infinite wisdom. Oh that all men were fit for the high and noble station God has appointed them; but they are fallen, and many are so sunk that hardly a vestige is left of manhood to be respected or beloved. Living themselves without law, how can they dispense law to their families. Alas! alas! Common sense cries out, wringing her hands in agony, Alas! how desperate is the case of that family who are cursed with such a head. But thank God, amid the moral wreck around us, God has not wholly left the people of earth; and in most cases if the woman fully understands her position, she may ensure domestic happiness to the little circle where she moves, at least in a degree, and where she cannot do this, she can by well-doing clear her own skirts of the guilt of family misery. She may have a good conscience, calmness and peace within, and thus may be if necessary, a cheerful martyr to correct principles. A woman who marries, should lay aside self and seek to please her husband; she should be very self-denying (for we are not angels.) First, her God; next, her husband; and then her children; and now if she is a child of God, she is so softened, subdued, and refined by trials, so purified by the good spirit, that she can sink down calmly, sweetly, serenely, and unreservedly into the will of God. Now she has learned to submit to the trials of life without murmuring; she has no resentment, bitter words do not ruffle her temper; harshness and even chaos only render her more heavenly and serene; even her tyrant husband inwardly adores her as much as his hardened heart permits him to adore any one (for God is to him a consuming fire); and her children respect and love her, and all befriend her, and God looks consolation into her afflicted heart. A woman who would elevate her husband's character, and thus elevate her own, should shield her weaknesses, refrain from reproaches, never return his railing, but let sweet words or respectful silence be his reproof. Regard his feelings with tender care; this is the surest means of reform. Obey him implicitly (always with the proviso, "as it is fit in the Lord"). Study his mind and wishes, let his mind be copy for thine in all that is good. Take care of his interests, see that his business is safe in thine hands; be all eyes, all ears, all mind, and memory for him. Follow him with thy loving heart, and thine ardent prayers; take a lively interest in all his lawful and honorable avocations, respecting children, do the same. Let thy home be a sweet haven of repose for him, avoid what hurts his feelings, and practice what will please him, and make your children do the same. Enforce order upon thine inferiors and household, be they children, or wards, or domestics, as far as is in thy sphere. Treat his associates with due respect, treat all men with that delicacy which pertains to your sex; and if this course does not win your husband, you are clear. In heavenly bonds, your brother.