Only in the Lord | AdventAI

The Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Michigan · Aug 4, 1863

Only in the Lord.

"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord." 1 Cor. vii, 39.

Although these words refer to marriage under peculiar circumstances, yet when considered in the light of those scriptures which declare that the Christian should do all to the glory of God, they may be regarded as applicable to marriage under all circumstances. And we fail to see why the injunction, "only in the Lord," is not as necessary, and as applicable to a first marriage, as to a second.

Marriage and the Sabbath were instituted in Eden. They were both made for man, and the fall and expulsion from Eden with all their evils upon a degenerating race have not diminished, but, rather, increased man's need for both institutions. Both have lost much sacredness in the hearts of the people, and both institutions have been, and still are abused. And we suggest as a rule to guide Christians upon the subject of marriage, the injunction we have chosen as the caption of this article, "Only in the Lord." Let Christians carry out this rule, and marriage would appear in its original garments of sacredness and beauty.

The patriarchs regarded marriage as sacred, and considered it of vast importance that a proper selection be made, as may be seen in the case of Abraham securing a wife for Isaac.

Gen. xxiv, 1-7. "And Abraham was old and well stricken in age; and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell, but thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.

And the servant said unto him, Peradventure the woman will not be willing to follow me unto this land; must I needs bring thy son again unto the land from whence thou camest? And Abraham said unto him, Beware thou, that thou bring not my son thither again. The Lord God of heaven, which took me from my father's house, and from the land of my kindred, and which spake unto me, and that sware unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land: he shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence."

As we read this narrative we are forcibly struck with the deep solicitude which the father of the faithful felt for his son of promise in securing for him a worthy wife. He does not leave this important transaction to his son, but puts his most experienced servant under a solemn oath to fulfill his will in the matter. All this looks consistent and right; yet how widely it contrasts with the customs of our times in leaving children at an early age to form acquaintances as they please, and to select for themselves. In matters infinitely less in importance parents are expected to counsel and dictate. But in selecting companions for life, a matter upon which the happiness and prosperity of the parties for life, and perhaps of the parents, may depend, the children, moved by fancy and impulse, are generally left to take their own course. Not so with Abraham, of whom God said, "I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him." As far as human agency was concerned, the selecting of a wife for Isaac was left with his aged father's most reliable servant.

The abuse of the institution of marriage is the great sin named in the inspired record, which was visited by the waters of the flood.

Gen. vi, 1-3. "And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. And the Lord said, My Spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh; yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years."

Marriage was most certainly right in the days of Noah. It was the abuse of the institution that kindled the wrath of God and called for destruction by the flood. If the men of that age had married "only in the Lord," instead of taking "wives of all which they chose," Heaven would have smiled upon them instead of giving them a watery grave. And we would suggest that if those who had a knowledge of the true God at that time had repudiated polygamy, and intermarrying with the worshipers of idols—had the glory and honor of God ruled in the marriage of them—they would have been sufficient salt to save the world from the flood. But with their abuses of the original design of the marriage institution, they were not only guilty of wrong which separated them from God, but they were brought into close connection with the powers of darkness, so that they could not retain purity and holiness of life. "A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump."

Who that has read the record of God's dealings with his ancient people, has not been struck with the repeated prohibitions of their intermarriage with the heathen? In connection with these are the instances of anguish to the chosen leaders of the people, and the manifest anger of the Lord. God has evidently designed that in all ages his people should be separated as widely as possible, considering their duty to the unbelieving world, from sin, and the contaminating influences of sinners. In this respect the New Testament is not out of harmony with the Old. Says Paul, 2 Cor. vi, 14-16, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

We by no means apply the above quotation to marriage alone. It is enough for us here to state, however, that the text having a broad application to our relations to society in general, must have a special bearing upon the closer relation of marriage. How is it possible for any Christian with this text in view to become united in marriage with an infidel, a spiritualist, a scoffer? Can a Seventh-day Adventist conscientiously become thus united with one who stands in unbelief as to the duty of keeping the Sabbath? In some few cases where believers have married unbelievers, the scale has turned well, and both are now united in the truth, while in ten-fold as many cases the believing have lost their faith, and both are united in violating the Sabbath.

In not a few cases have the unbelieving become very favorable, until they have fully gained the affections of the believing, who have given their hands in marriage in confidence that they would walk with them in the truth, but to be bitterly disappointed with their unbelief and opposition. In this the believing risk too much. It would be much better to wait for unmistakable proofs of sound conversion to the present truth.

"Only in the Lord." By this we understand that when believers contract marriage, they should do it in the fear of God, with his honor and glory in view, in accordance with those teachings of both Testaments which bear upon the subject.

It is required of Christians to do all to the glory of God, and, certainly, in a matter upon which so much depends for happiness in this life and that which is to come, Christians should move in the counsel of God. We feel clear in making the following brief statements:

1. Christian parents should know with whom their children are associating, and should faithfully teach them the importance of their being very select as to their associates.

2. They should teach their children that to encourage and indulge in feelings of special partiality while they are minors, is a decided wrong.

3. They should teach their children who have grown to man's and woman's estate, that in marriage, as in other important matters of this life, the parents should be their counselors, and that their judgment should be respected. In no way can children more effectually break the fifth commandment, and dishonor their parents, than in entering upon the marriage relation without their counsel, or against their wishes.

4. Parents should especially guard their children against marrying upon a brief acquaintance. Of all the transactions of life, this calls for most careful deliberation. How many a mother daily weeps over the hasty marriage of a lively, or, perhaps, beautiful daughter, to some stranger young man, who at first appeared quite well, but soon developed a worthless character, plunging her pure-hearted daughter beneath the level of society. Young men, too, may be deceived by first appearances. A young lady may appear well in company. There only her good qualities may appear. And to appear well in company may constitute the principal part of her education. Has she a good home education? Is she well educated in the affairs of the kitchen, wash-tub, and all? These are among the essential qualifications of a young lady of worth. Let these be added to a pure moral and religious education of a young lady who has passed out of her teens, and with the blessing of God, she is prepared to make the home of him who possesses corresponding good qualifications and correct ideas of things, a happy home.

5. Christian parents should teach their children that in marrying too young they abuse the sacred institution of marriage, and sin against God and against themselves. Many are the evils resulting, which we cannot here name. Every man and woman should form a substantial, reliable character for usefulness before marriage. He or she who has not formed such a character, is unfit for the marriage relation.

6. Many marry in poverty, before they have had time to acquire anything, or their poverty may result from sickness, or a lack of ability to acquire a competency, and they drag out a miserable existence in poverty. And they entail their miseries upon a numerous family, who, when grown up, are as poorly prepared to take the responsibilities of life as they were. But such miserable creatures, lacking, perhaps, mentally, physically, and morally, are generally in haste to get married, and so the tide of misery rolls on. No really sane young man will marry until he has around him a competency, and in himself the ability to honorably sustain a family.

7. And seventh, in the name of decency, reason and revelation, we protest against foolish and ill-matched marriages among the cheaper class of professed Adventists under the excuse that it matters but little as the "Lord is soon coming." Better "let all things be done decently and in order."